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My name is Eric...
and I need help.
Ove the last few years I have made nothing more than a mess of my life and with every time I try something to fix it, it seems as if I dig myself in a whole deeper and deeper. Unforunately I'm not only screwing up my life, but that of my child as well. Poor young and ever so beautiful Dianna.....the only fuel I have to keep going, fo without her I would have surely completely given up. But I feel terrible also in that fact. I brought her into this world in an instance of weakness and stupidity, with someone I should not have been with in the first place, and now my little girl is believed to be autistic. I brought her into the world and now she has to suffer, possibly live the life of a disabled child in a broken home to a loser. Child of someone who cannot win in any instant. She will live with that shame, and for that I wake up every day disgusted with myself for what I have done.
I live with friends....I have always had my own place. Again, my own stupidity fucked that up. I have gone to college twice....never finished....fucked that up. I have two cars....both fucked up, my own fault again. My job, my job is beneath me. I got a 1420 on my SAT's and have a proven IQ of 162....yet I deliver pizza, my own fuck up. My marriage is defunct, a situation that should have never taken place now while by evil harpy of a wife has her career succeed under the false veil of a happy marriage, I live the shame that she left me, and in a most demeaning way. I spend each and every night in front of this fucking infernal device staring blankly at a screen doing nothing but wasting away the life I was given.
I'm a coward. I'm a failure. I'm a man who basically will never succeed. They tell me I'm unipolar...well no shit. But how much does that cost to remedy....alot more than I can afford ovbiously.
I can't even look at myself in the mirror for I am disgusted at what I see everyday. People tell me to be more positive, look up, try to be happy and happy things will happen, don't be so hard on myself, smile....well you know what, that doesn't help and BEING ANGRY ALL THE TIME IS ALL I KNOW!!! Do I wish I was happy? Shit, if I don't even know what happy is but it sounds pretty damn good so yea! Do I wish things will go right? Do I wish everything would sort it's way through? Do I wish everything I weould like would come true? Do I wish LIFE WOULD STOP FUCKING WITH ME?! Damn right! Of course! But it hasn't happened and when I get the first sign things are going to change, maybe, just maybe, I'll stop being a self loathing, depressed, angry, little whiney fuckin bitch.
My name is Eric....
and I need help.
....because obviously I've been doing this on my own, and it hasn't been going well.
....
My name is Eric...
and I need help.
Ove the last few years I have made nothing more than a mess of my life and with every time I try something to fix it, it seems as if I dig myself in a whole deeper and deeper. Unforunately I'm not only screwing up my life, but that of my child as well. Poor young and ever so beautiful Dianna.....the only fuel I have to keep going, fo without her I would have surely completely given up. But I feel terrible also in that fact. I brought her into this world in an instance of weakness and stupidity, with someone I should not have been with in the first place, and now my little girl is believed to be autistic. I brought her into the world and now she has to suffer, possibly live the life of a disabled child in a broken home to a loser. Child of someone who cannot win in any instant. She will live with that shame, and for that I wake up every day disgusted with myself for what I have done.
I live with friends....I have always had my own place. Again, my own stupidity fucked that up. I have gone to college twice....never finished....fucked that up. I have two cars....both fucked up, my own fault again. My job, my job is beneath me. I got a 1420 on my SAT's and have a proven IQ of 162....yet I deliver pizza, my own fuck up. My marriage is defunct, a situation that should have never taken place now while by evil harpy of a wife has her career succeed under the false veil of a happy marriage, I live the shame that she left me, and in a most demeaning way. I spend each and every night in front of this fucking infernal device staring blankly at a screen doing nothing but wasting away the life I was given.
I'm a coward. I'm a failure. I'm a man who basically will never succeed. They tell me I'm unipolar...well no shit. But how much does that cost to remedy....alot more than I can afford ovbiously.
I can't even look at myself in the mirror for I am disgusted at what I see everyday. People tell me to be more positive, look up, try to be happy and happy things will happen, don't be so hard on myself, smile....well you know what, that doesn't help and BEING ANGRY ALL THE TIME IS ALL I KNOW!!! Do I wish I was happy? Shit, if I don't even know what happy is but it sounds pretty damn good so yea! Do I wish things will go right? Do I wish everything would sort it's way through? Do I wish everything I weould like would come true? Do I wish LIFE WOULD STOP FUCKING WITH ME?! Damn right! Of course! But it hasn't happened and when I get the first sign things are going to change, maybe, just maybe, I'll stop being a self loathing, depressed, angry, little whiney fuckin bitch.
My name is Eric....
and I need help.
....because obviously I've been doing this on my own, and it hasn't been going well.