Farewell to the Cowherder (FYTH fragment)
This was for Konrad's Braced for Change challenge on Synthetic Truth. Idea of writing about Nazo before his parents die was actually Celestine's. I kind of just ran with it. It's.. not the best because I did write it from about 2AM - 8AM, but. xD It was fun. It's very cheesy and yeaaah. But actually writing down his backstory is helping my revisions for the first chapter.
Word count: ~2700
Farewell to the Cowherder
"All right, so the school fair is coming up soon. What do you guys want to do?" Nazo asked the eager group of students in front of him that crowded around the teacher's desk. Classes had ended for the day and it was time for clubs. This meeting was especially important because the school festival was coming up. There would be both an academic and athletic competition. Different clubs would also all host either a booth or perform on stage for the entire school. He and his six friends were members of the school's mythology club. They hadn't quite decided what to do yet and the deadline to sign up was the day after tomorrow. If they wanted to attract new members or draw more attention to their club, the school festival was the way to do it.
"We-ell, Hikoboshi," Kari said with a grin, using his nickname in the club. "We could put on a play again."
"About how I long to be reunited with Orihime and am pining away until the day I can cross the magpie bridge and kiss her?" he asked, putting his elbow on the table and twirling his pen in his hand.
Everyone giggled. They all knew how obsessed he was with the myth of the Cowherder and the Weavergirl, so much that he had taken the Cowherder's name as his nickname. Could they blame him though? Hikoboshi had loved so deeply that he had given up his work to be with his lover. Idealistic and pretty dumb since he needed his job to pay for everything, but it was sweet, too. Of course, the consequences of his choice had angered the Emperor of the Heavens so much that he had forever split the couple. It was only because magpies took pity on Hikoboshi and Orihime that once a year, they were able to meet up again. Personally, Nazo didn't want that kind of love life, but he did want to feel so strongly about someone one day that he would be willing to give up everything. After all, there was that one famous song that said that all someone needed was love. All he had to do was find that someone.
Speaking of that someone...
He stole a glance at Kari as the others talked over him. Kari's nickname fit her well. Amaterasu was the sun goddess in Japanese legend. She was also the ancestor of the Emperor of Japan. A lover of birds and flowers, she had once retreated into a cave and refused to shine because her prankster brother had destroyed her garden. The other gods had missed her constant cheerfulness so much that they tried all sorts of tricks to lure her out, and when they kept failing, finally relied on her vanity. While not someone from such a high pedigree nor narcissist by nature, Kari was the kind of person who looked out for anyone who even seemed to need it. Easygoing, always optimistic, she helped hold their group of friends together.
"Hah! I saw the way you looked at Amaterasu!" Masayoshi crowed.
He flushed. Crap, he'd let his gaze linger for too long. He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "What? I didn't-"
The club exchanged knowing looks. "Bluster all you want, but we know the truth," Masayoshi said.
"Hikoboshi's found his Orihime and they don't have to wait until Tanabata to see each other," another friend said with a grin.
"Aw, stop teasing them," Ritsuka cut in. She was Kari's best friend and Masayoshi's girlfriend.
Nazo shot her a thank you and she shrugged. He glanced at Kari then and she looked down, but the corners of her lips were tilted upwards. At least she didn't seem to mind the teasing too much. What would it be like to be her boyfriend? They had known each other since middle school, but he had never made any kind of move towards her. Sure, she always gave him Valentine's Day chocolate, and he gave her chocolate back on White Day, but he'd assumed it had been because they were friends. She gave the chocolates to all of her male friends, not just him. How was he supposed to know any better?
The smile on her face however after the club had busted him made him wonder.
The rest of the meeting had them squabbling about what play they could put on. Something from Chinese mythology? They had performed a Chinese myth last year, something about the four Gods of the cardinal directions. Why not Greek? Greek was popular. There were seven of them. They could play at least a few of the Greek gods and goddesses. Maybe one of the love stories with Zeus? They argued until the hour and a half for their meeting ran over and it was time to go. Even then, they hadn't settled on a play.
The next day, they decided. They still had two weeks before the actual festival. They had time. At least that was what they had told each other last year around this time and had kept telling themselves until the night before. Then they'd stayed up all night rushing to frantically sew costumes and script the play.
Needless to say, they hadn't managed to recruit anyone that year, but the flurry of activity had been loads of fun. This year however, they were going to take the school festival more seriously. Most of them were going to graduate and they didn't want the club to die out with them.
As the mythology members filed out of the door, Masayoshi elbowed Nazo and whispered, "School festival's a great opportunity to-" he wiggled his eyebrows- "take things past the friend level."
Nazo swung at him, but his friend sidestepped away. "Remember that," he sang before he was gone.
"Remember what?" Kari asked from where she was packing up the notes. It was just the two of them now.
"Ah-" Nazo adjusted his glasses and swallowed. "Nothing. Need any help?"
"I'm good," she said and changed the subject. "Exams are coming up soon," Kari said casually. She gathered her things and walked over to where he stood waiting for her. "Want to study together this weekend?"
He grinned. "Sure."
She nudged him. "Going to get top scores again?"
He shrugged. "Expect anything else from me?"
"You're such a geek."
He jabbed a thumb at himself. "And proud of it!"
She laughed. He decided he wanted to make her laugh again. Just him, no one else. While he was busy trying to think of something witty to say, she stepped towards the door. "Come on, let's go," she said.
They usually walked home together since they lived in the same neighborhood and it was more fun with two than just one. This time however, it was different. It was a subtle difference, but he realized that something had changed between the two of them. He was much more aware of her presence and his fingers brushed against hers more than once. He was sorry when they reached her home.
"Thanks," Kari said as they stood by the gate.
He bowed with a flourish. "At your service."
She covered her mouth with her hand, but he could see the beginnings of a grin. He bowed again and she curtsied back. Then she opened the gate and waved at him before closing it behind her.
Progress had been made! He was content. The rest of the way to his house, he made several attempts to whistle and finally stopped when his cheeks ached from all the puffing. Just in time, too, because he was home. A quick check on the driveway told him his parents weren't back yet but sometimes they liked to pick up dinner on their way from work. As he entered the house however, he was greeted by a quiet that caused the hairs on the back of his neck rise. The lights were off, except for the small lamp in the kitchen. He was about to turn the big light on when he saw his sister.
His sister sat at the kitchen counter, her head on the granite. Nazo pushed the wave of uneasiness away and tiptoed towards her. He paused a few feet away and when she still didn't notice him, decided, well hell with it, he had to do something or he'd go crazy from the wrongness that filled the house
"Boo!" he yelled from behind her.
There was no startled scream, no giggles, no slap on the shoulder, as she usually did when she realized it was him. There was only silence. Then a shudder.
"Nari?" He started to reach for her when he realized that his hand was trembling. He pulled back. "What's wrong?" he asked as he picked up his bag and put it on the floor next to him. That was when he noticed the almost-empty tissue box and the full trashcan on her other side. He pulled out the chair next to her and took a seat. "Did you fail a test?" When she didn't respond, the ice started to creep down his spine. "Nari?"
She lifted her head up so he could see her red-rimmed eyes. Her mouth moved soundlessly.
His stomach flopped and he felt queasy. "Nari?"
Her voice came out hoarse. "Mom and Dad are dead."
The legs of his chair scraped against the floor as he stood up. "What?!"
Her lower lip trembled. The air tightened around him. "How? How long have you known?" he demanded.
"C-car crash. And I got the call an hour ago."
An hour ago. Hard to believe he had been on his way from school.
Laughing.
While his parents became a mangled mess.
No! He didn't know that! A sour taste rose in his mouth as he shoved the images out. It was impossible. They had been fine yesterday. They had promised to just go to a conference and be back tonight. They couldn't be gone, they couldn't-
He didn't even realize he was sitting again. Nari had begun shaking again, her head down, her tearless sobs the mourning he couldn't do for himself. Wouldn't. At least now. She was just fourteen, four years younger than him. He was the older one, the one who was supposed to take care of her.
And a hell of a job he was doing
An hour for Nari to mourn all by herself. To wonder where he was so she didn't have to go through it alone. Guilt slammed him. It was better to feel guilty. If he felt guilty, he wouldn't break down himself.
Mom... Dad...
He pressed his lips against each other until a coppery taste filled his mouth. Then he swallowed hard.
He wouldn't break down. He couldn't.
*
Calls. Multiple calls.
"I'm… sorry."
"I'm so sorry to hear about your loss."
He stopped picking up, but they still came.
"Is there anything I can do for you?"
The words streamed over him until they flowed together into an endless river of pity. Of condolences. The occasional sympathy. Mostly however, it was uncertainty and how they should talk to him or if they should even say anything.
The cold pit in his stomach that gradually grew tighter and tighter with each passing day.
He was still the same person. Why did they think otherwise?
He shuddered. Tears, tears, no! He couldn't let them fall!
The gazes from students that pretended to not stare as he walked past them in the hallway.
An article about his parents in the newspaper. It had warranted one because of their status as Japanese historians. If they had been another couple, he could have had the privacy to mourn in peace, but he was on display now.
Their former home a shell, stripped of everything that signified it as theirs. His mother's china. Sold. His parents' bed, dresser, all gone. Boxes all over that spilled out articles of clothing.
Bills. The court. Formal requests that he find a relative to take care of the two of them. None who could take them both in together. If he fought long enough, he would be eighteen and would be able to legally take care of both himself and Nari.
They had to move.
The new apartment, barren of ghosts. The sofa they retained that was now his bed.
The sound of screeching tires, of ripping metal.
Bile filled his mouth.
*
Nazo finished the paperwork and signed at the designated places. He thanked the school secretary again and started out of the office. Now he just had to get out of here before anyone saw him and the rumors started.
Just as he thought that however, Kari came in through the other door. She stopped when she saw him. "Nazo?"
He ignored her and pushed the other door open. If he talked with her, he might change his mind. Couldn't change his mind, had to go down this path. The door swung shut behind him and he quickened his pace.
"Nazo!"
Kari had followed him out. He cursed his luck as she caught up with him. "Nazo! Where have you been? Why aren't you answering the club's calls?"
He heard her, but the words didn't register in his mind. "I'm withdrawing," he said as he brushed past her. "Good luck with the club now, you're president."
"What?" she demanded and stopped. When he didn't pause, he heard her footsteps behind him as she ran after him down the hallway. He started to walk faster. "But we're almost done!" Kari said. "Just a few more months! You're a shoo-in for Waseda with your scores!"
"I'll apply another year," he said. He was almost at the door.
"Another year? But-"
He whirled on her then, and she almost ran into him. "Do you think that matters to me?" he asked. "If I don't find a way to support Nari and me, we're going to get separated! I can't let that happen!"
"But-"
Nazo swallowed and was turning away when he felt her hand on his arm.
"What about us?" he heard her whisper. "Why won't you let me help you? We've been friends for so long, and..."
He wanted to. He wanted to shed his responsibilities and go back to a few weeks ago when they had been planning what to do for the school festival. He would have given anything to be at the club again among friends. To see his parents again, to say goodbye to them. Even a short farewell was better than none. Sometimes he wanted to rail at his parents for abandoning them, other times he cursed himself for being so selfish. There were times when he lay on the sofa, eyes staring up at the ceiling. That was when he fantasized about his mother coming in and yelling at him for being still awake.
Yelling at him. He couldn't believe he wanted to be grounded.
God, he would have given anything to have her back. To have his dad back. The familiar lump rose in his throat and he clenched his teeth.
He raised his head so the tears wouldn't slip down.
He didn't need to go through this alone. Kari was right, he had friends, he had her. And he needed someone. He needed someone he could just cry with, to not have to hide his grief behind a mask. He wanted to curl up and let his physical pain match his emotional state, until he was no longer shaking.
It was so tempting. So tempting to have someone offer a comforting hand. He wanted it.
But he couldn't take it.
If he depended on other people, who could his sister depend on? He was teetering. Trying to manage. If he took just one wrong step, he wouldn't be able to gather his pieces back together in time to prove that he could keep them together. No matter how much his friends might offer to help, they couldn't actually do anything. They had their own lives to take care of. Most of them would be going to college next year, and he certainly couldn't depend on them then. If he relied on them now, there was a very good chance that they would become his crutches. When they broke away, he'd crash even harder than he had when he first found out.
No.
It was better that he just cut things off now.
He had already made the mistake of leaving Nari to receive the news alone. She was still crying herself to sleep and her grades were steadily dropping. If he could coach her through the final weeks before the New Year, she could take use the time off to catch up and finish strong. Shit, she was only fourteen. He had to be the pillar for her. He couldn't be a dreamy cowherder anymore.
"Goodbye, Odoya*," he heard himself saying. "Have a good life."
He yanked his arm away and ran down the hallway, away from her, away from the school, away from his former life because it was his former life now. He could let himself be scraped raw later. He could mourn later. If he let himself grieve, he didn't know if he would be able to hold himself together, and he didn't have a choice. He could rage about the unfairness later.
He had to be strong now, enough for both his sister and himself.
========
* : for those unfamiliar with Japanese culture, the significance of Nazo using Kari's last name means that he is now distancing himself from her, as only close friends or family will normally use first names. There would also normally be honorifics included, since to use the plain name would indicate that the two people are very close, but since I do not know enough about the different distinctions, I didn't want to accidentally bungle them up
Word count: ~2700
Farewell to the Cowherder
"All right, so the school fair is coming up soon. What do you guys want to do?" Nazo asked the eager group of students in front of him that crowded around the teacher's desk. Classes had ended for the day and it was time for clubs. This meeting was especially important because the school festival was coming up. There would be both an academic and athletic competition. Different clubs would also all host either a booth or perform on stage for the entire school. He and his six friends were members of the school's mythology club. They hadn't quite decided what to do yet and the deadline to sign up was the day after tomorrow. If they wanted to attract new members or draw more attention to their club, the school festival was the way to do it.
"We-ell, Hikoboshi," Kari said with a grin, using his nickname in the club. "We could put on a play again."
"About how I long to be reunited with Orihime and am pining away until the day I can cross the magpie bridge and kiss her?" he asked, putting his elbow on the table and twirling his pen in his hand.
Everyone giggled. They all knew how obsessed he was with the myth of the Cowherder and the Weavergirl, so much that he had taken the Cowherder's name as his nickname. Could they blame him though? Hikoboshi had loved so deeply that he had given up his work to be with his lover. Idealistic and pretty dumb since he needed his job to pay for everything, but it was sweet, too. Of course, the consequences of his choice had angered the Emperor of the Heavens so much that he had forever split the couple. It was only because magpies took pity on Hikoboshi and Orihime that once a year, they were able to meet up again. Personally, Nazo didn't want that kind of love life, but he did want to feel so strongly about someone one day that he would be willing to give up everything. After all, there was that one famous song that said that all someone needed was love. All he had to do was find that someone.
Speaking of that someone...
He stole a glance at Kari as the others talked over him. Kari's nickname fit her well. Amaterasu was the sun goddess in Japanese legend. She was also the ancestor of the Emperor of Japan. A lover of birds and flowers, she had once retreated into a cave and refused to shine because her prankster brother had destroyed her garden. The other gods had missed her constant cheerfulness so much that they tried all sorts of tricks to lure her out, and when they kept failing, finally relied on her vanity. While not someone from such a high pedigree nor narcissist by nature, Kari was the kind of person who looked out for anyone who even seemed to need it. Easygoing, always optimistic, she helped hold their group of friends together.
"Hah! I saw the way you looked at Amaterasu!" Masayoshi crowed.
He flushed. Crap, he'd let his gaze linger for too long. He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "What? I didn't-"
The club exchanged knowing looks. "Bluster all you want, but we know the truth," Masayoshi said.
"Hikoboshi's found his Orihime and they don't have to wait until Tanabata to see each other," another friend said with a grin.
"Aw, stop teasing them," Ritsuka cut in. She was Kari's best friend and Masayoshi's girlfriend.
Nazo shot her a thank you and she shrugged. He glanced at Kari then and she looked down, but the corners of her lips were tilted upwards. At least she didn't seem to mind the teasing too much. What would it be like to be her boyfriend? They had known each other since middle school, but he had never made any kind of move towards her. Sure, she always gave him Valentine's Day chocolate, and he gave her chocolate back on White Day, but he'd assumed it had been because they were friends. She gave the chocolates to all of her male friends, not just him. How was he supposed to know any better?
The smile on her face however after the club had busted him made him wonder.
The rest of the meeting had them squabbling about what play they could put on. Something from Chinese mythology? They had performed a Chinese myth last year, something about the four Gods of the cardinal directions. Why not Greek? Greek was popular. There were seven of them. They could play at least a few of the Greek gods and goddesses. Maybe one of the love stories with Zeus? They argued until the hour and a half for their meeting ran over and it was time to go. Even then, they hadn't settled on a play.
The next day, they decided. They still had two weeks before the actual festival. They had time. At least that was what they had told each other last year around this time and had kept telling themselves until the night before. Then they'd stayed up all night rushing to frantically sew costumes and script the play.
Needless to say, they hadn't managed to recruit anyone that year, but the flurry of activity had been loads of fun. This year however, they were going to take the school festival more seriously. Most of them were going to graduate and they didn't want the club to die out with them.
As the mythology members filed out of the door, Masayoshi elbowed Nazo and whispered, "School festival's a great opportunity to-" he wiggled his eyebrows- "take things past the friend level."
Nazo swung at him, but his friend sidestepped away. "Remember that," he sang before he was gone.
"Remember what?" Kari asked from where she was packing up the notes. It was just the two of them now.
"Ah-" Nazo adjusted his glasses and swallowed. "Nothing. Need any help?"
"I'm good," she said and changed the subject. "Exams are coming up soon," Kari said casually. She gathered her things and walked over to where he stood waiting for her. "Want to study together this weekend?"
He grinned. "Sure."
She nudged him. "Going to get top scores again?"
He shrugged. "Expect anything else from me?"
"You're such a geek."
He jabbed a thumb at himself. "And proud of it!"
She laughed. He decided he wanted to make her laugh again. Just him, no one else. While he was busy trying to think of something witty to say, she stepped towards the door. "Come on, let's go," she said.
They usually walked home together since they lived in the same neighborhood and it was more fun with two than just one. This time however, it was different. It was a subtle difference, but he realized that something had changed between the two of them. He was much more aware of her presence and his fingers brushed against hers more than once. He was sorry when they reached her home.
"Thanks," Kari said as they stood by the gate.
He bowed with a flourish. "At your service."
She covered her mouth with her hand, but he could see the beginnings of a grin. He bowed again and she curtsied back. Then she opened the gate and waved at him before closing it behind her.
Progress had been made! He was content. The rest of the way to his house, he made several attempts to whistle and finally stopped when his cheeks ached from all the puffing. Just in time, too, because he was home. A quick check on the driveway told him his parents weren't back yet but sometimes they liked to pick up dinner on their way from work. As he entered the house however, he was greeted by a quiet that caused the hairs on the back of his neck rise. The lights were off, except for the small lamp in the kitchen. He was about to turn the big light on when he saw his sister.
His sister sat at the kitchen counter, her head on the granite. Nazo pushed the wave of uneasiness away and tiptoed towards her. He paused a few feet away and when she still didn't notice him, decided, well hell with it, he had to do something or he'd go crazy from the wrongness that filled the house
"Boo!" he yelled from behind her.
There was no startled scream, no giggles, no slap on the shoulder, as she usually did when she realized it was him. There was only silence. Then a shudder.
"Nari?" He started to reach for her when he realized that his hand was trembling. He pulled back. "What's wrong?" he asked as he picked up his bag and put it on the floor next to him. That was when he noticed the almost-empty tissue box and the full trashcan on her other side. He pulled out the chair next to her and took a seat. "Did you fail a test?" When she didn't respond, the ice started to creep down his spine. "Nari?"
She lifted her head up so he could see her red-rimmed eyes. Her mouth moved soundlessly.
His stomach flopped and he felt queasy. "Nari?"
Her voice came out hoarse. "Mom and Dad are dead."
The legs of his chair scraped against the floor as he stood up. "What?!"
Her lower lip trembled. The air tightened around him. "How? How long have you known?" he demanded.
"C-car crash. And I got the call an hour ago."
An hour ago. Hard to believe he had been on his way from school.
Laughing.
While his parents became a mangled mess.
No! He didn't know that! A sour taste rose in his mouth as he shoved the images out. It was impossible. They had been fine yesterday. They had promised to just go to a conference and be back tonight. They couldn't be gone, they couldn't-
He didn't even realize he was sitting again. Nari had begun shaking again, her head down, her tearless sobs the mourning he couldn't do for himself. Wouldn't. At least now. She was just fourteen, four years younger than him. He was the older one, the one who was supposed to take care of her.
And a hell of a job he was doing
An hour for Nari to mourn all by herself. To wonder where he was so she didn't have to go through it alone. Guilt slammed him. It was better to feel guilty. If he felt guilty, he wouldn't break down himself.
Mom... Dad...
He pressed his lips against each other until a coppery taste filled his mouth. Then he swallowed hard.
He wouldn't break down. He couldn't.
*
Calls. Multiple calls.
"I'm… sorry."
"I'm so sorry to hear about your loss."
He stopped picking up, but they still came.
"Is there anything I can do for you?"
The words streamed over him until they flowed together into an endless river of pity. Of condolences. The occasional sympathy. Mostly however, it was uncertainty and how they should talk to him or if they should even say anything.
The cold pit in his stomach that gradually grew tighter and tighter with each passing day.
He was still the same person. Why did they think otherwise?
He shuddered. Tears, tears, no! He couldn't let them fall!
The gazes from students that pretended to not stare as he walked past them in the hallway.
An article about his parents in the newspaper. It had warranted one because of their status as Japanese historians. If they had been another couple, he could have had the privacy to mourn in peace, but he was on display now.
Their former home a shell, stripped of everything that signified it as theirs. His mother's china. Sold. His parents' bed, dresser, all gone. Boxes all over that spilled out articles of clothing.
Bills. The court. Formal requests that he find a relative to take care of the two of them. None who could take them both in together. If he fought long enough, he would be eighteen and would be able to legally take care of both himself and Nari.
They had to move.
The new apartment, barren of ghosts. The sofa they retained that was now his bed.
The sound of screeching tires, of ripping metal.
Bile filled his mouth.
*
Nazo finished the paperwork and signed at the designated places. He thanked the school secretary again and started out of the office. Now he just had to get out of here before anyone saw him and the rumors started.
Just as he thought that however, Kari came in through the other door. She stopped when she saw him. "Nazo?"
He ignored her and pushed the other door open. If he talked with her, he might change his mind. Couldn't change his mind, had to go down this path. The door swung shut behind him and he quickened his pace.
"Nazo!"
Kari had followed him out. He cursed his luck as she caught up with him. "Nazo! Where have you been? Why aren't you answering the club's calls?"
He heard her, but the words didn't register in his mind. "I'm withdrawing," he said as he brushed past her. "Good luck with the club now, you're president."
"What?" she demanded and stopped. When he didn't pause, he heard her footsteps behind him as she ran after him down the hallway. He started to walk faster. "But we're almost done!" Kari said. "Just a few more months! You're a shoo-in for Waseda with your scores!"
"I'll apply another year," he said. He was almost at the door.
"Another year? But-"
He whirled on her then, and she almost ran into him. "Do you think that matters to me?" he asked. "If I don't find a way to support Nari and me, we're going to get separated! I can't let that happen!"
"But-"
Nazo swallowed and was turning away when he felt her hand on his arm.
"What about us?" he heard her whisper. "Why won't you let me help you? We've been friends for so long, and..."
He wanted to. He wanted to shed his responsibilities and go back to a few weeks ago when they had been planning what to do for the school festival. He would have given anything to be at the club again among friends. To see his parents again, to say goodbye to them. Even a short farewell was better than none. Sometimes he wanted to rail at his parents for abandoning them, other times he cursed himself for being so selfish. There were times when he lay on the sofa, eyes staring up at the ceiling. That was when he fantasized about his mother coming in and yelling at him for being still awake.
Yelling at him. He couldn't believe he wanted to be grounded.
God, he would have given anything to have her back. To have his dad back. The familiar lump rose in his throat and he clenched his teeth.
He raised his head so the tears wouldn't slip down.
He didn't need to go through this alone. Kari was right, he had friends, he had her. And he needed someone. He needed someone he could just cry with, to not have to hide his grief behind a mask. He wanted to curl up and let his physical pain match his emotional state, until he was no longer shaking.
It was so tempting. So tempting to have someone offer a comforting hand. He wanted it.
But he couldn't take it.
If he depended on other people, who could his sister depend on? He was teetering. Trying to manage. If he took just one wrong step, he wouldn't be able to gather his pieces back together in time to prove that he could keep them together. No matter how much his friends might offer to help, they couldn't actually do anything. They had their own lives to take care of. Most of them would be going to college next year, and he certainly couldn't depend on them then. If he relied on them now, there was a very good chance that they would become his crutches. When they broke away, he'd crash even harder than he had when he first found out.
No.
It was better that he just cut things off now.
He had already made the mistake of leaving Nari to receive the news alone. She was still crying herself to sleep and her grades were steadily dropping. If he could coach her through the final weeks before the New Year, she could take use the time off to catch up and finish strong. Shit, she was only fourteen. He had to be the pillar for her. He couldn't be a dreamy cowherder anymore.
"Goodbye, Odoya*," he heard himself saying. "Have a good life."
He yanked his arm away and ran down the hallway, away from her, away from the school, away from his former life because it was his former life now. He could let himself be scraped raw later. He could mourn later. If he let himself grieve, he didn't know if he would be able to hold himself together, and he didn't have a choice. He could rage about the unfairness later.
He had to be strong now, enough for both his sister and himself.
========
* : for those unfamiliar with Japanese culture, the significance of Nazo using Kari's last name means that he is now distancing himself from her, as only close friends or family will normally use first names. There would also normally be honorifics included, since to use the plain name would indicate that the two people are very close, but since I do not know enough about the different distinctions, I didn't want to accidentally bungle them up