You're in the army now...
It's surreal y'know? I'm sitting here in my not-so-new olive-greens and soon they'll be barking orders at me and giving me a gun. Not that I'll have it (or use it) for very long but can you imagine me with a gun? I know I can't.
First though, I'd like to say a few things about Yom Kippur. It was certainly, um, different, at midrasaha, what with all the new tunes that I didn't know and the old ones that I missed. I especially missed the choir's 'Ve'yetayu', 'El male rachamim' and 'Shlosh esre midot', so I tried to sing them a little bit to myself. I wasn't really pleased with the way Musaf was done: the 'Ein Kelokeinu' was all wrong and admittedly, it is nice to use tunes that most everybody knows for the piyutim but make sure they fit! *end rant*
*start other rant* But, (and it is a very big 'but') I've never heard or sung a more powerful 'Emet ma nehedar'. Girls started clapping and dancing - we sang the whole thing through. There was a tangible feeling in the air - as if the Kohen Gadol had really just come out of the Kodesh Kodashim unharme; and that meant that our sins had been forgiven. It was so happy, even I started dancing. But the highest point, truly, was Ne'ila. I guess it's a good thing to have a short talk right beforehand, it hightens the atmosphere... It really felt like it was a sha't ratzon, the was we all belted out the 'shlosh esre midot' every time. Y'know how sometimes you get tired of standing and praying for so long that you sneek a peek at the end of the tfilla to see how much longer you have left? That didn't happen to me at all this year, I only checked once during Ne'ila - because I thought we weren't going to make it, that the sun would go down and our sh'at ratzon would be over. But we made it - we were even able to have birkat Kohamin at Ne'ila, something I've never had before. And then the last (in this case, only) Evinu Malkeinu... And all the singing... It was beautiful. It the middle of praying I kinda said to myself "Hey, Yom Kippur isn't so bad, it's even fun. Why has everyone always told me that Yom Kippur is so hard?" I didn't even feel like I was fasting.
And now you know what my dillema will be. After Musaf I thought to myself: "Nice, but home is better." After Neila and Kidush Levana; I don't know if I can find a better place than Bruria. And really it was just the whole feeling of the day: praying all day (except for one hour break), sitting in my place in the beit midrash - the place I learn Torah, surrounded by friends and beautiful people. Lemme tell you, it going to be a tough decision next year...
And all this a day before my draft day. It doesn't seem so disconnected or cruel anymore that I'm going to the 'fleshpot of metirialism' the day after the holiest day in the Jewish calendar. It seems natural. On Yom Kippur you always make these resolutions to be different, do different, take this next year, and always, to be a whole new you. But everyone's pretty much the same when we say Ma'ariv. Not so. This really is a whole new experience and a new chance for me, things will deffinitely be different whether I want them to be or not. So I choose to want theings to be different. I guess my Daddy upstairs really knows me, huh? He knews that I would need the extra spiritual and emotional padding before I go off to a place where spirituality is very hard to find. He knows I feel that I could very easily backslide into the place I was not so long ago. So He set things up perfectly; He gave me Yom Kippur. The 'day before' to end all 'days before'. Thank you, Daddy.
I love you all. I plan on missing each and everyone of you individually and I hope to see you all soon. Over and out.
Love,
Ariela
First though, I'd like to say a few things about Yom Kippur. It was certainly, um, different, at midrasaha, what with all the new tunes that I didn't know and the old ones that I missed. I especially missed the choir's 'Ve'yetayu', 'El male rachamim' and 'Shlosh esre midot', so I tried to sing them a little bit to myself. I wasn't really pleased with the way Musaf was done: the 'Ein Kelokeinu' was all wrong and admittedly, it is nice to use tunes that most everybody knows for the piyutim but make sure they fit! *end rant*
*start other rant* But, (and it is a very big 'but') I've never heard or sung a more powerful 'Emet ma nehedar'. Girls started clapping and dancing - we sang the whole thing through. There was a tangible feeling in the air - as if the Kohen Gadol had really just come out of the Kodesh Kodashim unharme; and that meant that our sins had been forgiven. It was so happy, even I started dancing. But the highest point, truly, was Ne'ila. I guess it's a good thing to have a short talk right beforehand, it hightens the atmosphere... It really felt like it was a sha't ratzon, the was we all belted out the 'shlosh esre midot' every time. Y'know how sometimes you get tired of standing and praying for so long that you sneek a peek at the end of the tfilla to see how much longer you have left? That didn't happen to me at all this year, I only checked once during Ne'ila - because I thought we weren't going to make it, that the sun would go down and our sh'at ratzon would be over. But we made it - we were even able to have birkat Kohamin at Ne'ila, something I've never had before. And then the last (in this case, only) Evinu Malkeinu... And all the singing... It was beautiful. It the middle of praying I kinda said to myself "Hey, Yom Kippur isn't so bad, it's even fun. Why has everyone always told me that Yom Kippur is so hard?" I didn't even feel like I was fasting.
And now you know what my dillema will be. After Musaf I thought to myself: "Nice, but home is better." After Neila and Kidush Levana; I don't know if I can find a better place than Bruria. And really it was just the whole feeling of the day: praying all day (except for one hour break), sitting in my place in the beit midrash - the place I learn Torah, surrounded by friends and beautiful people. Lemme tell you, it going to be a tough decision next year...
And all this a day before my draft day. It doesn't seem so disconnected or cruel anymore that I'm going to the 'fleshpot of metirialism' the day after the holiest day in the Jewish calendar. It seems natural. On Yom Kippur you always make these resolutions to be different, do different, take this next year, and always, to be a whole new you. But everyone's pretty much the same when we say Ma'ariv. Not so. This really is a whole new experience and a new chance for me, things will deffinitely be different whether I want them to be or not. So I choose to want theings to be different. I guess my Daddy upstairs really knows me, huh? He knews that I would need the extra spiritual and emotional padding before I go off to a place where spirituality is very hard to find. He knows I feel that I could very easily backslide into the place I was not so long ago. So He set things up perfectly; He gave me Yom Kippur. The 'day before' to end all 'days before'. Thank you, Daddy.
I love you all. I plan on missing each and everyone of you individually and I hope to see you all soon. Over and out.
Love,
Ariela