Time passing
It's been over a month now and things are..the same. I did find the divorce papers, finally, so that's good. I'm not making any decisions, yet, until perhaps after all of the holiday's. Since then, though, we had another death in the family, also from lung cancer, and that was a funeral I couldn't do. I did make it to the door of the church, but I couldn't do the service. I sat in a somewhat quiet corner and listened to the music. I've had five deaths in my life since May - that's pretty much a death a month. I'm done with it and there's now a block on any more tragedy in my life, one way or another. They say that God doesn't give you more of a burden than you can take - well, God, I'm about to break, so just stop, okay?
For next year, I'm buying an extra week of vacation, so that I will spend one week in Iowa carrying out dad's last wishes, but the remaining 3 weeks are all mine. I'm not sure what I'll do with myself....I mean, spending my time on myself rather than running to the hospital or such. God, that sounds cold...
I still haven't cried fully. I have caught myself almost breaking down while driving to work, which is bad as I don't need tears getting in the way and wrecking. It'll hit, soon, but I'm holding it back as much as I can.
But with all of the death in my life, I'm not doing anything 'spooky, bloody or gory' for Halloween at work. Instead I'm going the geeky route - will try to post photos soon.
For next year, I'm buying an extra week of vacation, so that I will spend one week in Iowa carrying out dad's last wishes, but the remaining 3 weeks are all mine. I'm not sure what I'll do with myself....I mean, spending my time on myself rather than running to the hospital or such. God, that sounds cold...
I still haven't cried fully. I have caught myself almost breaking down while driving to work, which is bad as I don't need tears getting in the way and wrecking. It'll hit, soon, but I'm holding it back as much as I can.
But with all of the death in my life, I'm not doing anything 'spooky, bloody or gory' for Halloween at work. Instead I'm going the geeky route - will try to post photos soon.