Fake it through the day....
Today is Sept 11.
My heart is sooo lost and confused, hurt, angry, sad, lost, broken, and just not sure what the RIGHT thing to do is....
Everyone tells me to give all of this time... but I feel like time is my biggest enemy right now. I feel like in time everything will just go away.
I was reading someone else's LJ, and the funny thing is, they are a friend of Tea's. Sounds like she is going through something soooo similar. I wonder if she asked Tea what to do, what advice Tea would give her? She says she is getting TONS of different advice and the advice is all different... I wonder what advice Tea is getting and who she is listening to.
At the same time there is Casey. Someone who I care about... yet, October and November just seem to loom over my head. Plus 5yrs versus 2 months is hard to compare... there is just no way. My mind is full of one thing, and trying to find something to hold on to with the other.
Everyone tells me give this time... but I am so scared time will pull things apart in one area and take things away in another. I worry that maybe spending time in the wrong areas will confuse the TRUTH and make us think differently than we feel and conform our thoughts to actions.
I know there are more people involved in this now... I know hearts and feelings are involved... but people are going to get HURT. I know that, and sometimes I wonder if sooner is not better, because there is less to hold onto.... and the longer you wait, the more feelings get involved and the harder it is to walk away.
At the same time I can't wait around for that to happen, that would make me look foolish... but I feel like Ill be faking it through the day. It's hard to think about 1 year ago.... being at the Victory Center.. or it's hard to think about retreat 1 year ago.... the way life was then.... I wonder if that happiness and excitement will ever come back.
My heart is sooo lost and confused, hurt, angry, sad, lost, broken, and just not sure what the RIGHT thing to do is....
Everyone tells me to give all of this time... but I feel like time is my biggest enemy right now. I feel like in time everything will just go away.
I was reading someone else's LJ, and the funny thing is, they are a friend of Tea's. Sounds like she is going through something soooo similar. I wonder if she asked Tea what to do, what advice Tea would give her? She says she is getting TONS of different advice and the advice is all different... I wonder what advice Tea is getting and who she is listening to.
At the same time there is Casey. Someone who I care about... yet, October and November just seem to loom over my head. Plus 5yrs versus 2 months is hard to compare... there is just no way. My mind is full of one thing, and trying to find something to hold on to with the other.
Everyone tells me give this time... but I am so scared time will pull things apart in one area and take things away in another. I worry that maybe spending time in the wrong areas will confuse the TRUTH and make us think differently than we feel and conform our thoughts to actions.
I know there are more people involved in this now... I know hearts and feelings are involved... but people are going to get HURT. I know that, and sometimes I wonder if sooner is not better, because there is less to hold onto.... and the longer you wait, the more feelings get involved and the harder it is to walk away.
At the same time I can't wait around for that to happen, that would make me look foolish... but I feel like Ill be faking it through the day. It's hard to think about 1 year ago.... being at the Victory Center.. or it's hard to think about retreat 1 year ago.... the way life was then.... I wonder if that happiness and excitement will ever come back.