Disintegration

[aeonsbeyond]

Im trying so hard to keep things together but everything is disintegrating completely out of my control.

Every day I get more and more rejections from jobs, loans, friends, my "partner" and everything.

Another few weeks of this shit without some deflecting miracle and Im fucking dead.

Comments

[stateparks]

have you tried lying about your experience on job applications, like saying you have none? anyway, don't give up ... or do a radical paradigm torque or something ...

[aeonsbeyond]

The radical paradigm torque is happening already....Im starting to think this has been a bit of a faith test...

[stateparks]

or issss ittt theeee l s deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[aeonsbeyond]

If only. Beyond entheogenics lies...good old fashioned Shiva/Shakti recycling.

[stateparks]

not that I'm good at it, but in the end I find the self-starting brain-chem-aura adjustments the best. It's been 18 months since my last (and I do mean last) trip. How many times does one need to feel one's identity obliterated anyway?

[aeonsbeyond]

Indeed. From fear of dissolution I stuck to nonsynthetics for many years; only joined the League of Spiritual Discovery 6 times in 20 years, believe it or not. Its a sacramental treat, and usually kinda weak these days anyway.

[stateparks]

yeah, actually the last one was our fun little friend .. easier on the bodkin but oh so devastating.

[aeonsbeyond]

Devastating huh? Guess you have better connections than I...

[stateparks]

Yeah, at the risk of incriminating all my friends, it was a buddy of mine and mark's named andy (gone to burning man a few times, knows a lot of 'good people' ) brought some mushies to the beach. i didn't even want any, but gave in to a small cup of tea from like, two stems, and about three hours later, couldn't tell time. yeah, i saw the clock, and knew that those symbols on it had names, but couldn't quite suss out what they were for, what they meant, or what 'meaning' was either ... good times washed down with four episodes of Chappelle's Show a few hours down the road.

dang it, just writing about it is making it sound good again!

[aeonsbeyond]

I remember Andy, hows he doin. Yeah I had a similar exp. on mushies at a party next door to Marks last year. Theyre all in a semi well known PDX band I forgot the name. Of course they had to play the weirdest music on the living room stereo, where I fell in a swoon to the floor (my legs always give out on that shit) and eventually wound up back in Marks living room realizing that written language of any kind was a useless concept at that point. I think I wound up wandering around the neighborhood bugging out until I came down. Fun!