"Work" - Desperate Housewives

[aeonian]

And now we take on Lynette. Follows "Excuses," "August," and "In Pursuit of Punishment." Also posted at femslash100 in response to challenge 36, and at bree_lynette.

Title: Work
Author: Nia
Rating: PG
Show: Desperate Housewives
Pairing: Lynette/Bree
Summary: "This was her life now, this all day away from everyone, all day at the office and when she came home Bree

Comments

[lalanav]

Heh. You wrote about girls.

Why didn't you write about girls with guys? BOYS BOYS I WANT HOT BOYS. Lynette likes girls? I thought all girls liked boys and noone else. Why does she like Bree? Bree's a girl. Tom, on the other hand...he's a guy. You should have written about Lynette and Tom. That would be hott.

Scratch that.

Hotttttttt.

[aeonian]

Crazy bitch.

[lalanav]

I would reply, but....oh look! *points to icon* I already did!

[aeonian]

Will your icon marry me?

(And actually...Tom and Lynette would be hot.)

[lalanav]

Only if there was some sort of bondage-type thing going on.

[aeonian]

Well, of course there is. Your icon can tie me up anytime.

[lalanav]

Yarr. I love it when ye talk dirty, matey. Let me get rope from the mast.

[aeonian]

Arr. Yarr. Me likes a little romance as much as the next plunderer, Drunk Jack. Ye make me timbers shiver.

[lalanav]

Arr. I guess ye'll like this nice ring I picked out for ye, then.

[aeonian]

Bitch, dat shit be cubic zirconia! You think I's some cheap who ho ain't know diamonds supposed to scratch glass! Fuck you, bitch, Tyron'Q get me better bling than that, yo!

[lalanav]

Yo, Tyron'Q's in jail and he ain't gettin you NUTHIN! You take what you got, bitch, o you aint gettin half of my food stamps nex munth!

[aeonian]

I ain't be needin' yo' food stamps since my babies drank my blood and got 'em da HIV, yo! We's livin' like fuckin' kings, bitch, and when Tyron'Q get back he be bringin' me a mattress an' everything! SO WHAT NOW, BITCH???

[lalanav]

Oh NO you did NOT just bring up that mattress shit again! And who went and GAVE you the hiv, huh? Me! tha's who! oh did you fohget that I got it on one of my ho'in jobs (on the ho'in chair you STOLE from me!)and gave it to Tyron'Q and then he dun give it to you!

YOU BE GRATEFUL, BITCH!

WHO'S YO HIV MOMMA??

[aeonian]

Oh mah Lord, y'all, mah babies drank mah blood and got them the HIV too, y'all! Then me an' mah friend Britney went and got us lots and lots money from the guvernment an' it paid for all sorts o' pretty dresses! So now we's havin lots mo' babies with the HIV, and y'all can come bring y'all's babies to play with our babies cuz our babies be real well behaved, 'specially when we chain 'em to the La-Z-Boy chair so they can't be runnin' away from us! Except sometimes all their strugglin' does go on and knock down a burnin' candle or bong or whatever, and they can't run on account o' bein' all tied up, and that's how my baby Bobbi Jean Bob died, God rest her crispy little soul, but it's okay cuz all God's babies go to heaven, an' it's not like I can't make more anyway, cuz like my daddy an' Britney an' Cletus always said, ladies ain't nothin' but baby-makin' machines, right y'all?

[lalanav]

aMEN to that, y'all! Sweetie, you sure ahr raght about these here dresses, they sure is purty. I loves the one where ya'll can almost see mah cooter, because Billy Joe sure loves that one too, and he says I can make him pray to Jesus harder than EVER when I'm wearin that there dress. And prayin to Jesus is more important than anythin', raght? And then I can make use o' mah god-given baby-makin' machine of a body here. Mmmmmm-hmm. Aaaaamen.

And god rest Bobbi Jean Bob's crispy little soul. I sure was sorry to see her go.

[aeonian]

When mah next baby is born wit' the HIV, y'all, I'm gonna git a dress where you CAN see mah cooter. It's from Calvin Klein!

Well, it ain't all bad, cuz at least your Joey Bobby Bob died with her. That boy sure did have the devil in him, y'all, I swear.