Have you ever been smacked by a blood stick?
My first week of work has been... very stressful. What can I say? Trying to do a job that I've never done before with almost no training really sucks. I've been late, been fussed at, been guilt-tripped, been asked to do extra work outside of my schedule, had classes thrown at me at the last minute... It's going to take some getting used to. Of course, that's with any job. Yesterday wasn't so bad. I hope it keeps getting better. Teaching is damn hard. I have to somehow entertain and discipline the kids while making them learn something at the same time. I don't like being the center of attention. I don't have much experience with kids whatsoever. I'm more concerned that they like me than to be a disciplinarian, and they can spot that. They take me for a soft touch - and I am. But if I let them get away with too much, I'll get in trouble with the other teachers.
In a way I'm in a mood where I feel like I can't do anything right, neither in work nor in life. My mouth and body just keep coming out with stupid things because I have so many thoughts going on in my head. I've pissed Vincent off a few times, but it's okay because he pissed me off too. Ha. Like in this shop where you get some shredded ice with toppings (such as red beans, jello chunks, fruit-like stuff). I asked Vincent what this black jello-looking stuff was and he said it comes from a plant and I said which plant and he said he didn't know and told me to hurry up and choose and I gave him a weird look and tried to touch him and he flung my hand off and I felt embarrassed and stupid and he was mad at me for asking too many questions when he didn't know the answer. Okay, I admit that I gave him a weird look on purpose, but it didn't mean "you're stupid". It was just a weird look. But it was alright. We talked about it and laughed about it right afterward, and agreed to forget it (which hasn't actually happened, hahaa). But also, I say stupid things that make me sound like a bitch. Ugh.
Did I mention that Vincent can also read my mind? I've been thinking so for a while - either that, or he's the only person besides my sister to have the balls to tell me when I act like a shit or a scaredy-cat. But not only that, he seems to be able to analyze quite accurately the reasons why I do those sort of things. It's actually kind of embarrassing. :-S But also interesting. The thing that confirmed his mind-reading ability to me was when we were on the MRT the other night and I was thinking about asking Vincent if he could tell that the person who says the stops in English has an ever-so-slight Chinese accent, but then another topic came up and I forgot about it for a minute. After that topic was finished, he said, "So, what about her accent?" I was like WTF?!?! "Did I say something about her accent?" For a minute I really didn't know if I had started to talk about it or not. I mean, I didn't think I had, but... I hadn't. So weird. I mean, sure, it could have been a coincidence. But, how many times have we rode the MRT together in the past two months? Many. Just now we're thinking about talking about the woman's accent at almost the exact same time? Chew on that for a minute, baby. Weeeeeird.
I haven't seen Pei-Ling for a while or even heard from her. :( I miss her.
Almost time for me to go to work now. Today is mainly all office work for me - no classes. My schedule says "Telephone teaching" from 5-7, but no one has mentioned that to me yet, so I sure hope I didn't have to prepare anything for it. If I was supposed to have done it, oh well, not my fault if no one tells me. I don't even know what the hell it is.
Here is a song for yous.
"Bizarre Love Triangle" by New Order
Every time I think of you
I feel shot right through with a bow harpoon.
It's no problem of mine but it's a problem, I find,
Living a life that I can't leave behind.
There's no sense in telling me,
"The wisdom of a fool won't set you free."
But that's the way that it goes
And it's what nobody knows,
While every day my confusion grows.
Every time I see you falling,
I get down on my knees and pray.
I'm waiting for that final moment
You'll see the words that I can't say.
I feel fine and I feel good.
I'm feeling like I never should.
Whenever I get this way, I just don't know what to say.
Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday?
I'm not sure what this could mean.
I don't think you're what you seem.
I do admit to myself
That if I hurt someone else
Then I'll never see just what we're meant to be.
Every time I see you falling,
I get down on my knees and pray.
I'm waiting for that final moment
You'll see the words that I can't say.
In a way I'm in a mood where I feel like I can't do anything right, neither in work nor in life. My mouth and body just keep coming out with stupid things because I have so many thoughts going on in my head. I've pissed Vincent off a few times, but it's okay because he pissed me off too. Ha. Like in this shop where you get some shredded ice with toppings (such as red beans, jello chunks, fruit-like stuff). I asked Vincent what this black jello-looking stuff was and he said it comes from a plant and I said which plant and he said he didn't know and told me to hurry up and choose and I gave him a weird look and tried to touch him and he flung my hand off and I felt embarrassed and stupid and he was mad at me for asking too many questions when he didn't know the answer. Okay, I admit that I gave him a weird look on purpose, but it didn't mean "you're stupid". It was just a weird look. But it was alright. We talked about it and laughed about it right afterward, and agreed to forget it (which hasn't actually happened, hahaa). But also, I say stupid things that make me sound like a bitch. Ugh.
Did I mention that Vincent can also read my mind? I've been thinking so for a while - either that, or he's the only person besides my sister to have the balls to tell me when I act like a shit or a scaredy-cat. But not only that, he seems to be able to analyze quite accurately the reasons why I do those sort of things. It's actually kind of embarrassing. :-S But also interesting. The thing that confirmed his mind-reading ability to me was when we were on the MRT the other night and I was thinking about asking Vincent if he could tell that the person who says the stops in English has an ever-so-slight Chinese accent, but then another topic came up and I forgot about it for a minute. After that topic was finished, he said, "So, what about her accent?" I was like WTF?!?! "Did I say something about her accent?" For a minute I really didn't know if I had started to talk about it or not. I mean, I didn't think I had, but... I hadn't. So weird. I mean, sure, it could have been a coincidence. But, how many times have we rode the MRT together in the past two months? Many. Just now we're thinking about talking about the woman's accent at almost the exact same time? Chew on that for a minute, baby. Weeeeeird.
I haven't seen Pei-Ling for a while or even heard from her. :( I miss her.
Almost time for me to go to work now. Today is mainly all office work for me - no classes. My schedule says "Telephone teaching" from 5-7, but no one has mentioned that to me yet, so I sure hope I didn't have to prepare anything for it. If I was supposed to have done it, oh well, not my fault if no one tells me. I don't even know what the hell it is.
Here is a song for yous.
"Bizarre Love Triangle" by New Order
Every time I think of you
I feel shot right through with a bow harpoon.
It's no problem of mine but it's a problem, I find,
Living a life that I can't leave behind.
There's no sense in telling me,
"The wisdom of a fool won't set you free."
But that's the way that it goes
And it's what nobody knows,
While every day my confusion grows.
Every time I see you falling,
I get down on my knees and pray.
I'm waiting for that final moment
You'll see the words that I can't say.
I feel fine and I feel good.
I'm feeling like I never should.
Whenever I get this way, I just don't know what to say.
Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday?
I'm not sure what this could mean.
I don't think you're what you seem.
I do admit to myself
That if I hurt someone else
Then I'll never see just what we're meant to be.
Every time I see you falling,
I get down on my knees and pray.
I'm waiting for that final moment
You'll see the words that I can't say.