(no subject)
something inside of me wants to believe
yearns to believe.
but i need more than that.
i need something relevant
i need something that speaks to my individual heart
i can't live off processed phrases and ideas
i need truth. i need god.
i need to be held back
so that i can push through
so that i can be tested
so that i can know what i'm made of
life is so comfortable right now
i don't need god
i'm fine without him
i'm not starving on the streets
i don't have a terminal illness
im not a slave of chemical dependancy
i have a future
but what is a future without a goal?
and what is a goal without belief?
and what is belief without action?
and what is action without relevance?
and what is relevance without direction?
and what is direction without god?
i know all the right words to say... i know all the right ideas to agree with... and when to nod my head... and when to look down in disapproval... and when to not speak up because it is "not my place"... and when to smile and say "good" when people ask how i am... but these things aren't real to me... if god is truth...