Anon. Love
Some of you may know this already, but I have a tendency to spout off rather impromptu and detailed compliments and love for people. After some debate and discussion, I've set up a 'love' tag on my LJ, so when the urge strikes me to love on someone who isn't online, I can still write it out and be rather assured they'll see it (since most people check their flist more than I do *fail fail fail*).
This also opens up the possibility of Anon. Love--which is, no, not love for anons and their frequent wanky wankfests, but love that goes out to an undisclosed person. I've done things kind of like this before, where I just post random compliments/complaints all together and they all refer to different people, but...apparently I have a tendency to officialize everything I do, so.
These are all directed at specific people. Word on the street is, I'm pretty damn specific about my compliments--everyone should probably be able to guess which ones are theirs. They're a bit shorter than my usual fare, but it's hard to pontificate without disclosure, so. ...I end a lot of sentences with 'so'.
Also! I couldn't get to everybody on this, so here are the folks who are loved on in this post: CAKES, CALLIE, CA'TE, KORII, SEREY, SAKKI, and STEPH. Nini, you are getting your own post just for you <3 Don't think you are forgotten!
Anyway, here it is:
1. I've come to think of your journey as something of my own life in retrograde, if I had made other choices and met other people. Not to say that I regret where I am, mind you, but I am so happy for you and where you have gone in your life. For a long time now I have viewed you as a peer and if not a personal role model, then a role model for people who are looking for one. Words cannot express how proud I am of you.
2. You are so easy to talk to, perhaps because you have a natural empathy that not only lets you feel along with how other people are feeling, but entreats others to open up to you. Thank you so much for listening to me when I needed to talk; you think you're not very good at advice but the solace in your listening should never be underestimated. I love you; you are absolutely fantastic, and I hope to know you for a very long time.
3. I believe I can honestly say that you have done more to reinstill my self-confidence than anyone else. Your ear and shoulder have been unwavering despite your scarcity; it's almost uncanny the way you are there when I need you, considering how infrequently I catch you online. You listen well and impose judgments rarely--you are the first person to see me with an objective eye and ask for my perspective with an open mind. I won't say never change, because change is the breath of life, but it would be hard for you to change for the better.
4. I love your self-analysis. You have such a fascinating grasp on yourself that even when you're emotional and irrational, you can come out and say, "Sorry, I'm being irrational. Give me some time." There are so few people who are in tune with themselves enough to realize that, let alone acknowledge it and act (or choose not to act) upon it. I admire that about you. I always have.
5. I have never met someone so enduringly compassionate as you are. Even when people have wronged you, you can find it within yourself to not only forgive them, but to still care about their thoughts and feelings--it's incredible to witness, and somewhat breathtakingly humbling to be beholden to. I owe some of the most powerful and enduring friendships in my life to forgiveness and compassion, and I am continuously grateful that as one of the people I sought to bring back into my life, you were gracious enough to let me. Thank you, forever.
6. We hardly talk these days, but I still find your capricious amusement at practically everything under the sun very refreshing. It brings an ease to any situation, even if you aren't actively participating; I'm always a little brighter when you're around.
7. I love the thought and ingenuity you put into your writing. The way you can take an antagonist and justify every action, explain every sentiment, and impart every sense of wrongdoing without absolving the character is nothing short of amazing. I have respected you since day one and the more I see, the more I know that respect is warranted.
8. There is something ineffable about how zen you are. A lot of folks accuse me of being too calm or at peace, too aloof or too unconcerned about the mindless toils of daily life, but perhaps that's why I appreciate it in you so much. Sure, certain things will bother one of us, but emotions are human and there's no reason we shouldn't have our bouts of upset. One thing I love so much about you is how despite the stormy seas, the serene harbor is your default, and no matter what the outrage or the heartbreak...sooner or later it's smooth sailing again. I guess it makes me feel not so alone in that regard. Thank you.
9. I find myself feeling bad that I don't know you better--I've known friends of yours longer, and more closely, and so you always feel like this mysterious nexus of awesome around which so many of us revolve. I respect you so much; people I respect and admire in turn respect and admire you, and I sometimes wonder what it is that's kept me squirming into your circle, aside from a potentially misplaced humility.
10. I love your writing! Your insights are amazing, and the quality and depth of character you can portray is phenomenal. There are only two people I know whom I would call genius in that regard, and you are one of them. I'm so very glad to know you, and it is a pleasure seeing you write.
11. The strength of character you possess and the charisma you display are so powerful, and when I say I honestly believe you could be anything in the world you wanted to be, it is not the generic caveat it sounds like. I know you have no interest in being an astronaut, and likely you don't want to be a doctor--I am not saying you could be anything, because it cheapens the sentiment. But I know that you will someday be whatever it is you set your mind to becoming, because your mind is sharp, your heart is strong, and these will guide you to the right choice, one with the power to make you truly happy and successful.
12. You are so laudably affable I almost feel guilty intruding--and I likely would if not for the fact that you are, as I just said, so damned friendly. There is something about you that I think just makes people feel welcome and wanted; you always seem interested in other people's feelings, concerned about their well-being, and mindful of their concerns. I won't assert that I doubt anyone could feel unwelcome around you, but I will say that anyone who doesn't feel the love while you're around is either stupid or trying way too hard to be offended.
13. We don't talk much, but that doesn't stop you from inspiring me. You are the bright-eyed idealist unjaded, the revolutionary undeterred, the performer unbilled and yet applauded. I am never not in awe of you, if only for the way you live your life with deliberation. It reminds me that I, too, know how to live that way, and helps sweep away the dust that's settled over me as of late. You forever remind me that dust and failure are only temporary; it is the sparkle of life that endures.
14. You are always, inexplicably, inexorably green in my head. The green shifts and changes, between bright happy nonchalant green, a deep morbidly dark green, a mischievous demonic green, and so on, but always some shade of green. There is something constantly awesome about it; the dynamics you add to any situation are so much fun--not many people can pull off green, so thanks.
15. Your sharp wit, intellect, and the generally infectious nature of your enthusiasm make you a joy to conspire with and a delight to know. I know I'm not the only one who feels that way; regardless of what gets muttered in the unattributed static, the only complaint I could ever have is that so many people clamor for your attention. You are an eternal pleasure to fraternize with, and I know you will always have a hundred voices willing to outshout the few.
16. It is said that we are our own worst critics, and I think you are the one who proves that adage for me. You are so critical of yourself, always scrutinizing what you could do better and how you could improve, that you miss just how awesome you are. And in it's own weirding way, the fact that you do that helps me remember to keep an eye towards the positive--not just your successes (which I will always be happy to point out), but my own as well. Thank you so much for reminding me of how far I still have to go, and making me remember just how far the two of us have come.
17. Your self-consciousness and insecurity is entirely unwarranted. I know how it feels to wonder if your presence is wanted and your perspective appreciated; I also know that you can never hear too many times that you are loved. So here it is, in paragraph form: for every time you doubt yourself, I will be merely one of many to remind you that you are wonderful.
18. I have never met someone with a perspective on the universe so akin to my own as you. You're brilliant, spiritual without being dependent, and philosophical without being recursive. I love the talks we have, and the talks we don't need to have; there is something so inexpressibly comforting in saying what you truly mean in the way you truly mean to say it...and having someone understand. Thank you for that understanding. I feel like I could say anything and have you know what I meant, or that I could say nothing and still have you understand. There is something so kindred in my friendship with you, and I find I can regret nothing in my life because it has catalyzed my knowing you.
19. I love the way inside jokes crop up around you. All it takes is a poorly-worded phrase and in thirty seconds the wisecracks are cropping up and bursting like water balloons spiked with pink glitter. I don't even have to be around for the genesis; the way you carry the inane and silly with you lets you share it with the masses--sometimes with minimal explanation. Your inside jokes somehow manage to stay 'inside' without excluding anyone.
20. I can always trust you to be honest, which is fairly rare in itself. What is even more rare, and even more wonderful, is that I can always trust you to be nice. Even when you're saying something negative, I know you'll come to me and be straight about it, but in a non-confrontational way. It never ceases to astound me how you can bring issues to the table in a way that doesn't make anyone feel defensive; it really feels like you're trying for resolution, not accusation, and it's something I wish I could do better. Thank you for always being a truthful person, and thank you for maintaining sensitivity while broaching those truths.
21. Thank you, so much, for always giving a damn. I've seen you show up in a bad mood and vent about it, and then turn right around and cheer other people up--once you even went out of your way to cheer up someone who was upset they couldn't help you feel better. I would worry about you for it if you didn't seem to have such a strong sense of self. It's clear you choose to do it out of love for your friends, rather than out of some sense of obligation to cheer people who are down. Thank you for being such a good friend. May the laws of physics allow your infinite damn given to return to you threefold.
(Hint: each person has three. Ilu! ♥)
This also opens up the possibility of Anon. Love--which is, no, not love for anons and their frequent wanky wankfests, but love that goes out to an undisclosed person. I've done things kind of like this before, where I just post random compliments/complaints all together and they all refer to different people, but...apparently I have a tendency to officialize everything I do, so.
These are all directed at specific people. Word on the street is, I'm pretty damn specific about my compliments--everyone should probably be able to guess which ones are theirs. They're a bit shorter than my usual fare, but it's hard to pontificate without disclosure, so. ...I end a lot of sentences with 'so'.
Also! I couldn't get to everybody on this, so here are the folks who are loved on in this post: CAKES, CALLIE, CA'TE, KORII, SEREY, SAKKI, and STEPH. Nini, you are getting your own post just for you <3 Don't think you are forgotten!
Anyway, here it is:
1. I've come to think of your journey as something of my own life in retrograde, if I had made other choices and met other people. Not to say that I regret where I am, mind you, but I am so happy for you and where you have gone in your life. For a long time now I have viewed you as a peer and if not a personal role model, then a role model for people who are looking for one. Words cannot express how proud I am of you.
2. You are so easy to talk to, perhaps because you have a natural empathy that not only lets you feel along with how other people are feeling, but entreats others to open up to you. Thank you so much for listening to me when I needed to talk; you think you're not very good at advice but the solace in your listening should never be underestimated. I love you; you are absolutely fantastic, and I hope to know you for a very long time.
3. I believe I can honestly say that you have done more to reinstill my self-confidence than anyone else. Your ear and shoulder have been unwavering despite your scarcity; it's almost uncanny the way you are there when I need you, considering how infrequently I catch you online. You listen well and impose judgments rarely--you are the first person to see me with an objective eye and ask for my perspective with an open mind. I won't say never change, because change is the breath of life, but it would be hard for you to change for the better.
4. I love your self-analysis. You have such a fascinating grasp on yourself that even when you're emotional and irrational, you can come out and say, "Sorry, I'm being irrational. Give me some time." There are so few people who are in tune with themselves enough to realize that, let alone acknowledge it and act (or choose not to act) upon it. I admire that about you. I always have.
5. I have never met someone so enduringly compassionate as you are. Even when people have wronged you, you can find it within yourself to not only forgive them, but to still care about their thoughts and feelings--it's incredible to witness, and somewhat breathtakingly humbling to be beholden to. I owe some of the most powerful and enduring friendships in my life to forgiveness and compassion, and I am continuously grateful that as one of the people I sought to bring back into my life, you were gracious enough to let me. Thank you, forever.
6. We hardly talk these days, but I still find your capricious amusement at practically everything under the sun very refreshing. It brings an ease to any situation, even if you aren't actively participating; I'm always a little brighter when you're around.
7. I love the thought and ingenuity you put into your writing. The way you can take an antagonist and justify every action, explain every sentiment, and impart every sense of wrongdoing without absolving the character is nothing short of amazing. I have respected you since day one and the more I see, the more I know that respect is warranted.
8. There is something ineffable about how zen you are. A lot of folks accuse me of being too calm or at peace, too aloof or too unconcerned about the mindless toils of daily life, but perhaps that's why I appreciate it in you so much. Sure, certain things will bother one of us, but emotions are human and there's no reason we shouldn't have our bouts of upset. One thing I love so much about you is how despite the stormy seas, the serene harbor is your default, and no matter what the outrage or the heartbreak...sooner or later it's smooth sailing again. I guess it makes me feel not so alone in that regard. Thank you.
9. I find myself feeling bad that I don't know you better--I've known friends of yours longer, and more closely, and so you always feel like this mysterious nexus of awesome around which so many of us revolve. I respect you so much; people I respect and admire in turn respect and admire you, and I sometimes wonder what it is that's kept me squirming into your circle, aside from a potentially misplaced humility.
10. I love your writing! Your insights are amazing, and the quality and depth of character you can portray is phenomenal. There are only two people I know whom I would call genius in that regard, and you are one of them. I'm so very glad to know you, and it is a pleasure seeing you write.
11. The strength of character you possess and the charisma you display are so powerful, and when I say I honestly believe you could be anything in the world you wanted to be, it is not the generic caveat it sounds like. I know you have no interest in being an astronaut, and likely you don't want to be a doctor--I am not saying you could be anything, because it cheapens the sentiment. But I know that you will someday be whatever it is you set your mind to becoming, because your mind is sharp, your heart is strong, and these will guide you to the right choice, one with the power to make you truly happy and successful.
12. You are so laudably affable I almost feel guilty intruding--and I likely would if not for the fact that you are, as I just said, so damned friendly. There is something about you that I think just makes people feel welcome and wanted; you always seem interested in other people's feelings, concerned about their well-being, and mindful of their concerns. I won't assert that I doubt anyone could feel unwelcome around you, but I will say that anyone who doesn't feel the love while you're around is either stupid or trying way too hard to be offended.
13. We don't talk much, but that doesn't stop you from inspiring me. You are the bright-eyed idealist unjaded, the revolutionary undeterred, the performer unbilled and yet applauded. I am never not in awe of you, if only for the way you live your life with deliberation. It reminds me that I, too, know how to live that way, and helps sweep away the dust that's settled over me as of late. You forever remind me that dust and failure are only temporary; it is the sparkle of life that endures.
14. You are always, inexplicably, inexorably green in my head. The green shifts and changes, between bright happy nonchalant green, a deep morbidly dark green, a mischievous demonic green, and so on, but always some shade of green. There is something constantly awesome about it; the dynamics you add to any situation are so much fun--not many people can pull off green, so thanks.
15. Your sharp wit, intellect, and the generally infectious nature of your enthusiasm make you a joy to conspire with and a delight to know. I know I'm not the only one who feels that way; regardless of what gets muttered in the unattributed static, the only complaint I could ever have is that so many people clamor for your attention. You are an eternal pleasure to fraternize with, and I know you will always have a hundred voices willing to outshout the few.
16. It is said that we are our own worst critics, and I think you are the one who proves that adage for me. You are so critical of yourself, always scrutinizing what you could do better and how you could improve, that you miss just how awesome you are. And in it's own weirding way, the fact that you do that helps me remember to keep an eye towards the positive--not just your successes (which I will always be happy to point out), but my own as well. Thank you so much for reminding me of how far I still have to go, and making me remember just how far the two of us have come.
17. Your self-consciousness and insecurity is entirely unwarranted. I know how it feels to wonder if your presence is wanted and your perspective appreciated; I also know that you can never hear too many times that you are loved. So here it is, in paragraph form: for every time you doubt yourself, I will be merely one of many to remind you that you are wonderful.
18. I have never met someone with a perspective on the universe so akin to my own as you. You're brilliant, spiritual without being dependent, and philosophical without being recursive. I love the talks we have, and the talks we don't need to have; there is something so inexpressibly comforting in saying what you truly mean in the way you truly mean to say it...and having someone understand. Thank you for that understanding. I feel like I could say anything and have you know what I meant, or that I could say nothing and still have you understand. There is something so kindred in my friendship with you, and I find I can regret nothing in my life because it has catalyzed my knowing you.
19. I love the way inside jokes crop up around you. All it takes is a poorly-worded phrase and in thirty seconds the wisecracks are cropping up and bursting like water balloons spiked with pink glitter. I don't even have to be around for the genesis; the way you carry the inane and silly with you lets you share it with the masses--sometimes with minimal explanation. Your inside jokes somehow manage to stay 'inside' without excluding anyone.
20. I can always trust you to be honest, which is fairly rare in itself. What is even more rare, and even more wonderful, is that I can always trust you to be nice. Even when you're saying something negative, I know you'll come to me and be straight about it, but in a non-confrontational way. It never ceases to astound me how you can bring issues to the table in a way that doesn't make anyone feel defensive; it really feels like you're trying for resolution, not accusation, and it's something I wish I could do better. Thank you for always being a truthful person, and thank you for maintaining sensitivity while broaching those truths.
21. Thank you, so much, for always giving a damn. I've seen you show up in a bad mood and vent about it, and then turn right around and cheer other people up--once you even went out of your way to cheer up someone who was upset they couldn't help you feel better. I would worry about you for it if you didn't seem to have such a strong sense of self. It's clear you choose to do it out of love for your friends, rather than out of some sense of obligation to cheer people who are down. Thank you for being such a good friend. May the laws of physics allow your infinite damn given to return to you threefold.
(Hint: each person has three. Ilu! ♥)