It is what it is
Perhaps it is silly to suggest movies that were nominanted in recent years for multiple Acadamy Awards, but if you haven't seen "The Constant Gardener" you are really missing something. Not something entirely pleasant- but something significant in many ways. I'll leave it at that.
The movie, combined with some reading of Book IV over the last few days, set me to rethinking some rather disordered lines of thought from the last few weeks.
"Atmadarshana" is my word of the day. I'm trying to wrap my mind around it, but so far as I see it... and for my purposes right now it means (in Crowley's words) "...(accepting) the Universe as a single phenomenon without conditions."
Take, for example, my reactions to "The Constant Gardener"- and in fact the catastrophy of suffering that is going on in Africa as a whole over my last few years of distanced involvement.
I have gone back and forth in a sort of diminishing cycle between:
A) Hating the rest of the world, the US in particular, for letting this happen
B) Despising the entire population of Africa for being so weak and being such apparently willing participants in their own suffering
C) Resenting God (such as my perception of him has been) for the whole mess, or even blaming some half baked anamistic concept of "Africa" as an entity (as distinct from its people)
D) Being disgusted with myself for (at varying times) being unwilling or unable to do anything to help
What are the two constants here? "Negative feelings" notwithstanding (they are a symptom, not a cause) they are "Africa" and "I"
Africa "Is what it is." Atmadarshana. In my current state I cannot change that. The only mutable factor in this cycle of pointless negativity is "I"
"I" must cease to be to cut through the static.
For those not familiar with western mystical traditions, I'm not talking about suicide (far from it!) so much as the annihilation of ego.
As I look back at the worst places I've been in, the best adjusted people always dismissed human reactions to the world around them by saying something along the lines of "It is what it is." In retrospect I think that was what has been little-by-little breaking my mind. That is the lesson. That is (in part) why I seek out such situations.
Perhaps if there is an overarching scheme to human experience, that is a part of why we are here?
That last sentence was horribly misguided, but I entered it for the sake of completeness. It is a flag I am putting up to mark a pitfall I have run across and nearly fallen into. Trying to attach meaning to it all puts one out of the proper mindset. "It is what it is."
Atmadarshana
I'm not done rambling, but this is a convenient place to break for now. Thoughts?
The movie, combined with some reading of Book IV over the last few days, set me to rethinking some rather disordered lines of thought from the last few weeks.
"Atmadarshana" is my word of the day. I'm trying to wrap my mind around it, but so far as I see it... and for my purposes right now it means (in Crowley's words) "...(accepting) the Universe as a single phenomenon without conditions."
Take, for example, my reactions to "The Constant Gardener"- and in fact the catastrophy of suffering that is going on in Africa as a whole over my last few years of distanced involvement.
I have gone back and forth in a sort of diminishing cycle between:
A) Hating the rest of the world, the US in particular, for letting this happen
B) Despising the entire population of Africa for being so weak and being such apparently willing participants in their own suffering
C) Resenting God (such as my perception of him has been) for the whole mess, or even blaming some half baked anamistic concept of "Africa" as an entity (as distinct from its people)
D) Being disgusted with myself for (at varying times) being unwilling or unable to do anything to help
What are the two constants here? "Negative feelings" notwithstanding (they are a symptom, not a cause) they are "Africa" and "I"
Africa "Is what it is." Atmadarshana. In my current state I cannot change that. The only mutable factor in this cycle of pointless negativity is "I"
"I" must cease to be to cut through the static.
For those not familiar with western mystical traditions, I'm not talking about suicide (far from it!) so much as the annihilation of ego.
As I look back at the worst places I've been in, the best adjusted people always dismissed human reactions to the world around them by saying something along the lines of "It is what it is." In retrospect I think that was what has been little-by-little breaking my mind. That is the lesson. That is (in part) why I seek out such situations.
Perhaps if there is an overarching scheme to human experience, that is a part of why we are here?
That last sentence was horribly misguided, but I entered it for the sake of completeness. It is a flag I am putting up to mark a pitfall I have run across and nearly fallen into. Trying to attach meaning to it all puts one out of the proper mindset. "It is what it is."
Atmadarshana
I'm not done rambling, but this is a convenient place to break for now. Thoughts?