... crap
This course is really starting to get to me. I knew I'd be stressed, and I knew I'd be tired, but I had no idea it was going to be this freaking bad. I've been studying for this exam for the last month, and I feel like I know things, and then I look at the past exam and I've got no idea. It's so frustrating, I understand the stuff, but the little details aren't sticking at all.
I've been really upset the last few weeks, because I feel like I'm missing out on so much stuff I could be doing. I'll be at uni 8-5 every day, and work every night, then work early morning shifts on the weekend (I hate leaving for work at 2am) and then I'll come home and I still have a billion things to read or look up or practice. And I know that I can do really well at this, and the only reason for me not doing well is because I didn't do the work. But I don't know when I'm meant to find the time to do the work!
I was crying all yesterday evening - I'm so stressed about this, and then I just don't have the time to deal with whatever's going on with my friends, and then shit gets misconstrued and I'm like ARGH why can't you fucking listen to me when I say stuff instead of ignoring it and then saying I'm this awful person who says all this stuff I don't say, just because you don't want to admit what the problem really is. It just makes me feel like it doesn't matter what you say to people at all, because if they've convinced themselves of something then there's nothing you can do to shake it. But it upsets me because this person should've known me better than to think whatever problems were going on between us were about what she thought they were about.
I don't know, I feel like no one understands how hard doing all this is. I'm really upset because people I counted on to actually care about what was going on in my life didn't (I told this friend about going into hospital to have the MRI, lumbar puncture and biopsy on my spinal tumour and she ignored the fact that I even told her). ARGH, I just feel like I need to talk to someone, make sure I'm not going crazy, and that this is all worth it.
I've been really upset the last few weeks, because I feel like I'm missing out on so much stuff I could be doing. I'll be at uni 8-5 every day, and work every night, then work early morning shifts on the weekend (I hate leaving for work at 2am) and then I'll come home and I still have a billion things to read or look up or practice. And I know that I can do really well at this, and the only reason for me not doing well is because I didn't do the work. But I don't know when I'm meant to find the time to do the work!
I was crying all yesterday evening - I'm so stressed about this, and then I just don't have the time to deal with whatever's going on with my friends, and then shit gets misconstrued and I'm like ARGH why can't you fucking listen to me when I say stuff instead of ignoring it and then saying I'm this awful person who says all this stuff I don't say, just because you don't want to admit what the problem really is. It just makes me feel like it doesn't matter what you say to people at all, because if they've convinced themselves of something then there's nothing you can do to shake it. But it upsets me because this person should've known me better than to think whatever problems were going on between us were about what she thought they were about.
I don't know, I feel like no one understands how hard doing all this is. I'm really upset because people I counted on to actually care about what was going on in my life didn't (I told this friend about going into hospital to have the MRI, lumbar puncture and biopsy on my spinal tumour and she ignored the fact that I even told her). ARGH, I just feel like I need to talk to someone, make sure I'm not going crazy, and that this is all worth it.