Inside the bell jar.

[aenariel]

a rapid descent into madness

caught red-handed
with my arm inside the pill jar

a rapid descent onto the hard floor

caught sleeping at the desk
after swallowing too many antihistamines

a rapid jab to the same vein

they caught my blood inside the vial
but the diagnosis was same old, same old

until the wires touch
until the pain subsides
or never again

too many emergency rooms
too many worried looks

they caught my disease inside the vial
but they can't remove the glass shards
they can't rewire the child
they can't
so why should I
and why would I
and why

until the pain subsides
or the wires touch
and never again

the diagnosis is terminal
I am inside the bell jar
I am the vial, and the blood
I am the disease, and the emergency room
and the worried look, and the glass shard
I am inside the bell jar
sleeping on the floor
allergic to myself
I am inside the bell jar
and the air is running out
lungs allergic to breath
heart allergic to blood
brain allergic to thoughts
and never again

I forgot how it hurt to watch them leave
I remember now how it hurts to stay behind

a rapid descent
a spiralling fall
hyperventilation
and intense fear