Musings
I was expecting Lost to end with more of a bang before the big hiatus. I was a bit disappointed - I guess it really is turning into the Jack-Kate-Sawyer show... except they're really destroying Sawyer's character, I think. Sawyer isn't the lovey dovey type. Not at all.
Anyways... aside from that... I've had a very... interesting ... day.
Let me put this into context for you.
My religious debate mode has been going off full-throttle for about the past month.
I'm taking a Bible class that studies the Bible in its historical context - meaning, we match up the Bible with historical and archaelogical evidence (and in some cases, itself since it contradicts itself so much) in order to try to make sense of it and figure out how much of it literally happened.
I'm taking a cultural anthropology class that is currently studied religion and the functions it serves in culture. Particularly, we are looking at how every religion seems to make sense in its own cultural context. Also for this class, I am doing an ethnographic research project studying the meaning of religion for college students, meaning I am doing a lot of participant observation in religiously-oriented Bible studies, Chapel groups, and church services.
In Paideia, we are studying all sorts of religious literature, from the Bhagavad-Gita to Dante's Inferno to Erasmus and Luther's Discourse on Free Will. We are studying all of it from an academic perspective and a philosophical perspective. And of course, since two of these texts that I listed are Christian texts, I should be prepared to deal with them as a Christian, correct?
I've also been debating seemingly every belief system imaginable with everyone imaginable. In the past week, I've discussed religion with everyone from an atheist to a fundamental Lutheran who believes in the absolute authority of the Bible as being literally correct in everything it says.
It seems kind of interesting that I went to a Christian-affiliated school in hopes of strengthening my faith... but it has just served to put into light-speed the spiritual journey I have been walking through for the past four years.
This morning, I stopped dead in my tracks with the horrible realization that... I have no idea what I believe.
This just... terrifies me. I'm forcing myself to go through this process of sifting through my beliefs and distinguishing what I truly believe from what I've been told to believe. And it is an extremely difficult task. I feel like I've just been cut adrift... I have nothing to cling to. I've decided that I'm really not a Presbyterian, after all. There are so many fundamental technicalities to the Presbyterian faith that I just plain don't believe in. Unfortunately... many other Christian denominations also share most (if not all) of those same technicalities, so I'm really not sure what to do.
Just following a religion blindly is incredibly stupid - so I've been doing research and sitting down and reading the Bible and trying to figure out what the heck I believe. I've been quesitoning pretty much everything: predetermination, free will, God's Grace, the validity of "Hell" or the idea of eternal punishment, the validity of "Heaven" or an eternal life, forgiveness, the many interpretations of the Scripture, and the idea that Jesus Christ really is the one and only way to achieve "salvation." For that matter... what the heck is "salvation," anyways?
This afternoon... I actually had a terrible moment of uncertainty where I mused, "What if Jesus really isn't my savior?" I only doubted that particular truth for about three seconds... but safe to say, it was the worst three seconds of my life.
At the end of the day, I have come to a semi-conclusion that will at least let my mind rest and get some sleep so I can continuing tackling my questions in the morning... but I suppose I still have a long way to go.
I won't go into all of my spastic theological ramblings right now (I may have to eventually put them down in writing just to try and make sense of them), because some of my wonderings are a bit radical, and I'm not sure how much some of my devout Christian friends will like them very much... but for now, I'll just quote the Priest from the movie Rudy who says that in all his years of faith and study, he's only come across two hard, incontrovertible facts. 1) There is a God, and 2)...I'm not him.
Anyways... aside from that... I've had a very... interesting ... day.
Let me put this into context for you.
My religious debate mode has been going off full-throttle for about the past month.
I'm taking a Bible class that studies the Bible in its historical context - meaning, we match up the Bible with historical and archaelogical evidence (and in some cases, itself since it contradicts itself so much) in order to try to make sense of it and figure out how much of it literally happened.
I'm taking a cultural anthropology class that is currently studied religion and the functions it serves in culture. Particularly, we are looking at how every religion seems to make sense in its own cultural context. Also for this class, I am doing an ethnographic research project studying the meaning of religion for college students, meaning I am doing a lot of participant observation in religiously-oriented Bible studies, Chapel groups, and church services.
In Paideia, we are studying all sorts of religious literature, from the Bhagavad-Gita to Dante's Inferno to Erasmus and Luther's Discourse on Free Will. We are studying all of it from an academic perspective and a philosophical perspective. And of course, since two of these texts that I listed are Christian texts, I should be prepared to deal with them as a Christian, correct?
I've also been debating seemingly every belief system imaginable with everyone imaginable. In the past week, I've discussed religion with everyone from an atheist to a fundamental Lutheran who believes in the absolute authority of the Bible as being literally correct in everything it says.
It seems kind of interesting that I went to a Christian-affiliated school in hopes of strengthening my faith... but it has just served to put into light-speed the spiritual journey I have been walking through for the past four years.
This morning, I stopped dead in my tracks with the horrible realization that... I have no idea what I believe.
This just... terrifies me. I'm forcing myself to go through this process of sifting through my beliefs and distinguishing what I truly believe from what I've been told to believe. And it is an extremely difficult task. I feel like I've just been cut adrift... I have nothing to cling to. I've decided that I'm really not a Presbyterian, after all. There are so many fundamental technicalities to the Presbyterian faith that I just plain don't believe in. Unfortunately... many other Christian denominations also share most (if not all) of those same technicalities, so I'm really not sure what to do.
Just following a religion blindly is incredibly stupid - so I've been doing research and sitting down and reading the Bible and trying to figure out what the heck I believe. I've been quesitoning pretty much everything: predetermination, free will, God's Grace, the validity of "Hell" or the idea of eternal punishment, the validity of "Heaven" or an eternal life, forgiveness, the many interpretations of the Scripture, and the idea that Jesus Christ really is the one and only way to achieve "salvation." For that matter... what the heck is "salvation," anyways?
This afternoon... I actually had a terrible moment of uncertainty where I mused, "What if Jesus really isn't my savior?" I only doubted that particular truth for about three seconds... but safe to say, it was the worst three seconds of my life.
At the end of the day, I have come to a semi-conclusion that will at least let my mind rest and get some sleep so I can continuing tackling my questions in the morning... but I suppose I still have a long way to go.
I won't go into all of my spastic theological ramblings right now (I may have to eventually put them down in writing just to try and make sense of them), because some of my wonderings are a bit radical, and I'm not sure how much some of my devout Christian friends will like them very much... but for now, I'll just quote the Priest from the movie Rudy who says that in all his years of faith and study, he's only come across two hard, incontrovertible facts. 1) There is a God, and 2)...I'm not him.