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Gawd............grrr........i...hate..him...so ...much.....I wish....he would....just disappear.....forever......why....why....did....he...do....what..he....did?......why has....he...come...back....he....needs...to...leave..us...alone.........f-......fore.ever....when...I...see....him....I.....will...either.....yell....at...him....or....fall....on...my....knees....and....cry....or....just...end.....u-....up....beating....him....he deserves....what...ever...he...gets...in...this...cruel....world....that...I...have...to....face....or..that.....we...all....face....this is it here I start. More angry then before and just about to cry. I need to talk to someone, why did I fall alseep....why I should have talk to him about it....why am I the one lossing sleep over this! See I am starting it again, starting something I didn't want to start.....why is it like this....I swear that if I ever see him here, I will turn my back on him, I don't care what he says or what he does, he left me here!!! I had his back, I helped him when he was to druck to move! And what did he do, slam me to the wall and yelled at me!!! Did he care! Did he think what he was doing!!! DID HE EVEN SEE WHAT HE WAS DOING TO ALL OF US! WE DID EVERYTHING FOR HIM, HELPED HIM ALONG THE WAY!!!!SOMEONE EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT WE DID HIM FOR HIM TO JUST L......LEAVE!!!!!!!!! CAN YOU SEE WHAT I HAVE STARTED!!!WHAT HAVE I DONE TO TAKE ALL THIS PAIN IN!!!!SOMEONE GET IT OFF ME, TAKE ME AWAY FROM HERE................SOMEONE HELP ME TAKE THIS ANGER OUT OF ME FOREVER, LET ME BE THE GIRL I USED TO BE!!! I know I look happy, but i am sorry to say this....I hide it.....I know you all said not to. But its in me to do such things. I have always done that, I know that if I start to talk about it I will end up hurting someone. And Jonathan if you read this listen ok.....I will talk to you about this soon, just let me talk about it when I am ready, i just feel all this anger in me and I feel like I will break out of it soon and hurt someone. I will do all I can to calm myself. Jonathan I am sorry if you get upset and feel left out when reading this. Just know that your not left out, my friends don't even know this. Its just coming out now.....so whoever reads this knows this now. And to let you all know if I snap at you, you know why. He as come back, he is in this town right now......I can feel the anger build.....and I hate being this way, but he made me to be this way. He as made me to want to beat others to pieces but I hold my punches....i will not go to his level....i will not do what he did....to...others!!!NO!!!!HE WILL SEE ME ONE DAY AND WISH TO TALK, WISH TO TALK TO HIS DAUGHTER THAT LOVED HIM SO MUCH!!!BUT I WILL NOT STAND FOR THAT, WHAT HE DID TO MOM AND THE FAMILY....I HOPE I NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN. MAYBE JUST MAYBE ONE DAY I WILL TALK TO HIM BUT I FEEL THAT TO NEVER HAPPEN. I NEED TO GET AWAY FROM THIS PLACE.....JUST TAKE MY THINGS AND LEAVE....BUT I AM NOT GOING TO DO THAT....I have to much here. I have friends that care, that love me as much as I love them. I am just scared and angry. Angry enough of getting headachs everyday and scared enough not to sleep. Jonathan helped me last night to fall asleep but that didn't last long. I woke up....running out to the front door locking it and hitting it. I hate that he makes me feel this way, I never talk about it because I don't want anyone to see me angry and upset. I must be strong towards them, to show him not get to me in this way.....starting again....wanting it to end.....