Adding to the feeling of abandonment....
Last night was our last concert of the year....last concert with our seniors....and last concert with mars....sat there and watched my ty sing and play pretty pretty song....and realized how much i really do care about that kid, even though i wanted to kill him last year...and kara....that girl means so much to me, she has been so kind to me and so loveable it's not even funny....and i'm not even gonna start with mars, except to say that i haven't cried that much over an adult leaving in so long....today in jazz we had a little jam session with ty, ian and me...haven't had one of those since last year....it felt SO good to be able to play with them again, even if it was possibly for the last time.
i just feel like i'm being left by almost everyone that means anything to me at all...i'd said that if mars left the music department, i'd have no reason to go to school anymore, cuz my music is everything to me...but i can't leave now, i'm too attached....i really should stop allowing myself to become attached to people because as soon as i do, it's almost automatic that they move or leave or something like that....started with stacey in like first grade or so and has just continued....pop, ashley, mame, josh, the other josh, the other other josh, schuster, mars, and not to mention all of the seniors that have gradulated the past couple years....guess it's just a part of life though....grrr...
and why does life have to be so confusing? that's what i really want to know...why do we have to make all of these decisions and rely on others to make their own decisions and everything in between? why can't there just be some book that tells us exactly how the path of our life will take us and what we're supposed to do and who's supposed to be with us along the way???? oh, wait, that'd take all the purpose away...right, i remember now...silly me...*huggle*
i just feel like i'm being left by almost everyone that means anything to me at all...i'd said that if mars left the music department, i'd have no reason to go to school anymore, cuz my music is everything to me...but i can't leave now, i'm too attached....i really should stop allowing myself to become attached to people because as soon as i do, it's almost automatic that they move or leave or something like that....started with stacey in like first grade or so and has just continued....pop, ashley, mame, josh, the other josh, the other other josh, schuster, mars, and not to mention all of the seniors that have gradulated the past couple years....guess it's just a part of life though....grrr...
and why does life have to be so confusing? that's what i really want to know...why do we have to make all of these decisions and rely on others to make their own decisions and everything in between? why can't there just be some book that tells us exactly how the path of our life will take us and what we're supposed to do and who's supposed to be with us along the way???? oh, wait, that'd take all the purpose away...right, i remember now...silly me...*huggle*