Kindness, niceness, and march holidays
I don't know why I get so surprised when I come upon another world unexpectedly. Something you never knew existed until now... People aren't one-dimensional.
Anyway, the one week of the March holidays is ending. We did some fun stuff, like setting up our jewellery stall, and we went for outings with different groups of people. I'm so tired, and my homework hasn't been touched yet. *sigh*
I didn't manage an outing with Chun, though. :( Lynnie wrote to me and told me to check Chun's blog: "I miss Alaris's way of talking me out of a black mood so that i don't have to force myself to smile and pretend that i'm happy." Which is when I feel that I've let her down, she messaged that she'd be able to go to Westmall for a bit today, but I couldn't make it. And I was the one who had wanted to go out today - she skipped wushu so she could go out with me(or perhaps because she wanted to sleep in). :( Anyway, it made me realise that I can't remember how to talk her out of a black mood anymore. Is that because it was always natural, or have I forgotten how to be a proper friend?
Have I changed? Because I don't feel like talking to people so much, I'm always busy somehow. And there's just something different, I feel more fake. I hate having to make friends for the sake of making friends; I'm trying and trying not to do that. Yesterday on the bus ride home, I was blanking out and wondering whether my younger self would have liked myself now. Perhaps the world has changed. Tammy said she'd tell me if I changed. Tammy will never change, because she's so essentially herself. She is like a Martian, she doesn't seem to be influenced by humans at all. Whereas I've always known that I'm easily influenced.
We were having a conversation over msn about kindness and niceness. Tammy says she's not a nice person - being nice, in our definition, is being socially nice, is a surface niceness, done mostly because it's polite to, and because it's not nice to not do it. Niceness is smiling at people you don't know and currently aren't able to really care about, because you don't know them. Niceness is being polite to people you don't like.
Kindness, on the other hand... is like noticing when people are alone and bringing them into part of the group, like being concerned when other people are unhappy, because unhappiness is bad for them no matter what sort of person they are. Kindness is in the heart, rather than in the mind.
I believe Tammy has a suppressed kindness, and that's why she's my friend. :) Tammy says I'm both kind and nice. So my feeling now, is due to my need to be nice, overtaking any kindness in me... That's why I feel fake.
I think I've explained it to the best of my ability now. :)
***
I do have to make some sort of effort at school. I'm beginning to regret not doing my tutorials for the first three months; when teachers ask what I've been taught, I can't remember at all.
***
The RJ sleepover was okay. The class is... unique. Everyone in that class, 07S06R, or referred to as 6R, is gifted in some way. It makes me feel like - well, in NJ everyone mugs terribly; some people even go to the library to study at lunch. But in that case, you know that you're on their level, you only need to mug a little more to perhaps be put on par with them.
However, in RJ you have the sense that they're all already on a higher level than you, and any of their studying is simply furthering the gap.
They're talented in various ways. One of them is said to have an internal graphic calculator. Then there was this guy trying to play both his guitar and harmonica at the same time. :) A few of them play the piano beautifully. When they watch movies, they argue about minor points such as the angle the bullet entered the water... :? And some of them even know some weird angle for calculating whatever-it-is. They talk about Spiderman, and say that He couldn't have caught Her without breaking her neck. Um...
They're such geniuses, they can't be classified as geeks, if you know what I mean.
And they like playing bridge. :P So I had to learn as well.
Jon's house is very cool. The front part is apparently colonial, they have an attic and stuff, and several beautiful chandeliers that don't look too ostentatious, as chandeliers are apt to look. One of the chandeliers has a mural painted around it from the place where it is attached to the wall. The mural is of many flowers that actually look like faeries from a certain perspective. And They have an area that is like a side-courtyard, with this low Japanese bench. They have so many pictures and odds and ends from everywhere. Then the back part, which I didn't enter, is where the family members' rooms are. The place bridging the front and the back is still within the house: it's so unusual that I can't even begin to describe how it's all planned out. There are staircases.
Also, they are more avid Phantom fans than anyone else in the world can be said to be. :) We were out in the front garden having our barbecue, and the floodlights were off, and they started singing songs. They knew All the lyrics. It was practically a performance. They sang chinese songs as well... :P Blah. Of course they have to be good at chinese as well. Oh... There was alcohol. :) I am happy that they are all cool enough to let us handle a little of that, and also happy that no one was decadent enough to get drunk. I hate it when people do stupid things like that.
Then Weilin started telling us about the stars because the sky was clear, and we looked at the moon and made shapes out of the clouds. And then Jonathan brought out bottles of sparkling juice (because they're not decadent), which some people shook and opened with mounds of white froth and we all toasted with red plastic cups. :P
Yang Tong and Jiaqi are both chinese scholars, and Joanna is from Indonesia. The entire class has a strange accent.
I think... I might grow to like this class. :)
***
Um... Somehow the people at NJ seem so ordinary next to them. Oh - on Thursday night Amos played at a gig (I hate this word, it's so unaspiring) at Harbourfront. Isn't that cool? :) But we only found out on the day itself during the class outing, and couldn't go. :( Amos is a likeable person because he's so humble and amiable. He can also be as mature as an adult, unlike Some other people I could mention.
Yuan Jie and Jia Liang are so neighbourhood. As they were my Mortal and Angel, sometimes I feel responsible for them. They could have been much better people... Or Yuan Jie could have been. Jia Liang is so much Himself that you can't imagine him as someone else. As we're talking about neighbourhood people, I might as well mention John, who is Antisocial (capital A) and is obsessed with basketball and is like a rock, because he doesn't react to anything people do or say.
Wanru's parents haven't managed to stop her from staying in soccer. Yay! But soccer practice stops her from going out with us a lot.
Poor Michelle and Christine got transferred to another class. :( Because they both dropped KI and are taking chinese, whereas the rest of the class took Higher Chinese in secondary school. But at least in the new class, Michelle will have people to accompany her to chinese if Christine decides to skip.
***
Oh, and happy belated birthday to zemarl. :) I'm sorry I missed it, but I didn't have access to the internet. :(
Alaris Lisette Rover
aelfequeen
Anyway, the one week of the March holidays is ending. We did some fun stuff, like setting up our jewellery stall, and we went for outings with different groups of people. I'm so tired, and my homework hasn't been touched yet. *sigh*
I didn't manage an outing with Chun, though. :( Lynnie wrote to me and told me to check Chun's blog: "I miss Alaris's way of talking me out of a black mood so that i don't have to force myself to smile and pretend that i'm happy." Which is when I feel that I've let her down, she messaged that she'd be able to go to Westmall for a bit today, but I couldn't make it. And I was the one who had wanted to go out today - she skipped wushu so she could go out with me(or perhaps because she wanted to sleep in). :( Anyway, it made me realise that I can't remember how to talk her out of a black mood anymore. Is that because it was always natural, or have I forgotten how to be a proper friend?
Have I changed? Because I don't feel like talking to people so much, I'm always busy somehow. And there's just something different, I feel more fake. I hate having to make friends for the sake of making friends; I'm trying and trying not to do that. Yesterday on the bus ride home, I was blanking out and wondering whether my younger self would have liked myself now. Perhaps the world has changed. Tammy said she'd tell me if I changed. Tammy will never change, because she's so essentially herself. She is like a Martian, she doesn't seem to be influenced by humans at all. Whereas I've always known that I'm easily influenced.
We were having a conversation over msn about kindness and niceness. Tammy says she's not a nice person - being nice, in our definition, is being socially nice, is a surface niceness, done mostly because it's polite to, and because it's not nice to not do it. Niceness is smiling at people you don't know and currently aren't able to really care about, because you don't know them. Niceness is being polite to people you don't like.
Kindness, on the other hand... is like noticing when people are alone and bringing them into part of the group, like being concerned when other people are unhappy, because unhappiness is bad for them no matter what sort of person they are. Kindness is in the heart, rather than in the mind.
I believe Tammy has a suppressed kindness, and that's why she's my friend. :) Tammy says I'm both kind and nice. So my feeling now, is due to my need to be nice, overtaking any kindness in me... That's why I feel fake.
I think I've explained it to the best of my ability now. :)
***
I do have to make some sort of effort at school. I'm beginning to regret not doing my tutorials for the first three months; when teachers ask what I've been taught, I can't remember at all.
***
The RJ sleepover was okay. The class is... unique. Everyone in that class, 07S06R, or referred to as 6R, is gifted in some way. It makes me feel like - well, in NJ everyone mugs terribly; some people even go to the library to study at lunch. But in that case, you know that you're on their level, you only need to mug a little more to perhaps be put on par with them.
However, in RJ you have the sense that they're all already on a higher level than you, and any of their studying is simply furthering the gap.
They're talented in various ways. One of them is said to have an internal graphic calculator. Then there was this guy trying to play both his guitar and harmonica at the same time. :) A few of them play the piano beautifully. When they watch movies, they argue about minor points such as the angle the bullet entered the water... :? And some of them even know some weird angle for calculating whatever-it-is. They talk about Spiderman, and say that He couldn't have caught Her without breaking her neck. Um...
They're such geniuses, they can't be classified as geeks, if you know what I mean.
And they like playing bridge. :P So I had to learn as well.
Jon's house is very cool. The front part is apparently colonial, they have an attic and stuff, and several beautiful chandeliers that don't look too ostentatious, as chandeliers are apt to look. One of the chandeliers has a mural painted around it from the place where it is attached to the wall. The mural is of many flowers that actually look like faeries from a certain perspective. And They have an area that is like a side-courtyard, with this low Japanese bench. They have so many pictures and odds and ends from everywhere. Then the back part, which I didn't enter, is where the family members' rooms are. The place bridging the front and the back is still within the house: it's so unusual that I can't even begin to describe how it's all planned out. There are staircases.
Also, they are more avid Phantom fans than anyone else in the world can be said to be. :) We were out in the front garden having our barbecue, and the floodlights were off, and they started singing songs. They knew All the lyrics. It was practically a performance. They sang chinese songs as well... :P Blah. Of course they have to be good at chinese as well. Oh... There was alcohol. :) I am happy that they are all cool enough to let us handle a little of that, and also happy that no one was decadent enough to get drunk. I hate it when people do stupid things like that.
Then Weilin started telling us about the stars because the sky was clear, and we looked at the moon and made shapes out of the clouds. And then Jonathan brought out bottles of sparkling juice (because they're not decadent), which some people shook and opened with mounds of white froth and we all toasted with red plastic cups. :P
Yang Tong and Jiaqi are both chinese scholars, and Joanna is from Indonesia. The entire class has a strange accent.
I think... I might grow to like this class. :)
***
Um... Somehow the people at NJ seem so ordinary next to them. Oh - on Thursday night Amos played at a gig (I hate this word, it's so unaspiring) at Harbourfront. Isn't that cool? :) But we only found out on the day itself during the class outing, and couldn't go. :( Amos is a likeable person because he's so humble and amiable. He can also be as mature as an adult, unlike Some other people I could mention.
Yuan Jie and Jia Liang are so neighbourhood. As they were my Mortal and Angel, sometimes I feel responsible for them. They could have been much better people... Or Yuan Jie could have been. Jia Liang is so much Himself that you can't imagine him as someone else. As we're talking about neighbourhood people, I might as well mention John, who is Antisocial (capital A) and is obsessed with basketball and is like a rock, because he doesn't react to anything people do or say.
Wanru's parents haven't managed to stop her from staying in soccer. Yay! But soccer practice stops her from going out with us a lot.
Poor Michelle and Christine got transferred to another class. :( Because they both dropped KI and are taking chinese, whereas the rest of the class took Higher Chinese in secondary school. But at least in the new class, Michelle will have people to accompany her to chinese if Christine decides to skip.
***
Oh, and happy belated birthday to zemarl. :) I'm sorry I missed it, but I didn't have access to the internet. :(
Alaris Lisette Rover
aelfequeen