Crazy
I feel like a crazy person. I wrote this story and I can't get it out of my head, it's so crazy and embarrassing, it's overwhelming me, I can't believe Bhanu's class is on THURSDAY, that's like a million days from today. I have to tell everybody about it NOW.
It takes all these intense aspects from my life and ties them all together. I think that's why it's driving me insane. First, it's a romance (kind of), but none of the four characters is gendered. They each have their own individual gender pronouns (uncapitalized), and I've been obsessing over them (the pronouns), trying to create pronoun sets that aren't overwhelmingly masculine or feminine. So I decided to make them sound somewhat like the names of each character, so it's as clear as possible who I'm referring to. So I have these characters with totally weird names, like Seherm, Zhier, Shretol and Rherhirm, and their pronouns are like, se/herm/ses, zhie/hier/hiers, shre/shr/hres, rhe/rhirm/rhir. The only one that I'm really in a rut about is "hiers," because I don't know how masculine I want Zhier. I kept calling hier "him" earlier and then I'm like, "no! Feminine!" So all the pronouns are feminine and hier character is more feminine now, but maybe too much. Maybe changing "hiers" to "zhies" would bring more attention to the masculine aspects of the character.
So that's a huge part of the story, and it's also an allegorical romance (*groan*) and struggle between parts of myself. And it doesn't even make SENSE because the romance is between the pain that necessitates storytelling and the understanding that writes it. I'm totally embarrassed when I read it, but I think that's a good thing, it shows that it hits close to home, that it has power, that's what I learned in the Summer Writing Program anyway, that if I'm so embarrassed that I just want to erase it all and hide it from the light of day, it means that it has some potential.
But still, I just want to die. Maybe Elizabeth Robinson would understand. *siiiigh*
It takes all these intense aspects from my life and ties them all together. I think that's why it's driving me insane. First, it's a romance (kind of), but none of the four characters is gendered. They each have their own individual gender pronouns (uncapitalized), and I've been obsessing over them (the pronouns), trying to create pronoun sets that aren't overwhelmingly masculine or feminine. So I decided to make them sound somewhat like the names of each character, so it's as clear as possible who I'm referring to. So I have these characters with totally weird names, like Seherm, Zhier, Shretol and Rherhirm, and their pronouns are like, se/herm/ses, zhie/hier/hiers, shre/shr/hres, rhe/rhirm/rhir. The only one that I'm really in a rut about is "hiers," because I don't know how masculine I want Zhier. I kept calling hier "him" earlier and then I'm like, "no! Feminine!" So all the pronouns are feminine and hier character is more feminine now, but maybe too much. Maybe changing "hiers" to "zhies" would bring more attention to the masculine aspects of the character.
So that's a huge part of the story, and it's also an allegorical romance (*groan*) and struggle between parts of myself. And it doesn't even make SENSE because the romance is between the pain that necessitates storytelling and the understanding that writes it. I'm totally embarrassed when I read it, but I think that's a good thing, it shows that it hits close to home, that it has power, that's what I learned in the Summer Writing Program anyway, that if I'm so embarrassed that I just want to erase it all and hide it from the light of day, it means that it has some potential.
But still, I just want to die. Maybe Elizabeth Robinson would understand. *siiiigh*