Shopping, chocolate, tinfoil.
Hahahah so. Quick story.
All this is true. I'm not stupid but I am pretty absent minded, I'll often start talking without being aware I'm doing it. I used to do this as a kid I'd narrate myself and my conscience going back and forth. So now and then I'll just speak what's on my mind which often comes out really REALLY stupid. I was in the backseat having obnoxious thoughts when I heard my dad talking about my sandwich. And he was all "Ultimate!" in a dramatic way and I freaked out. Suddenly without meaning to I'm voicing my worries about the state of this ultimate sandwich and requesting just a regular one.
My parents had a good kick out of this, especially my mom lately she's been laughing at me for the last few days.
Then when we got home I was fiddling in their bedroom through the stuff they bought for our bathroom and their new sheets and I took out this rod. I thought I knew what it was until I saw the length and I think my mom must be psychic because suddenly she's screaming at me from the toilet "LISA. LISA. DID YOU SEE THE NEW SHOWER BAR?" And
I think I must have sounded really distressed because I was like "But it's too smaaaaaall!" And my mom
Dies
She just busts a gut I can hear her asthma kicking up but she keeps laughing. And my dad comes jogging into the room and he's laughing at me too in a coy sort of way and he takes it from me and tries to explain it over my mom's howling.
"No no it has a spring that pops out and extends. It...it'...It's oookaaaaay Barb. She didn't knoooow." And he's chuckling and I can hear my mom calling me cute from the other room.
And I must feel like the biggest idiot in the world. But my mom only laughs at me because I have really childish moments that I'm not aware of unless they tell me. I remember a few weeks ago we were coming out of shop-ko and I was putting a bottle of ibuprofen i'd just bought into my purse and I was narrating myself in the backseat. Something like "I officially have an adult purse now." Because I was so jealous of all the girls in high school who carried around Advil in their purse. I had a few little square packets of emergency allergy medication but that's it. Sometimes I'd get two Tylenol in a baggy if I felt a headache coming on that my mom would give me. And she heard me say this and just started laughing and couldn't stop to shut her door.
"I'm sorry Lisa, you just haven't grown up yet have you."
She has such a hard time adjusting to my adulthood, because I haven't grown into the roll yet despite being 20.
Ahh but yes. The pièce de résistance.
We were driving home from Penny's and Macy's and I'd bought us some Halloween candy to share. I was trying a few of the kinds to see if they were any good and then I picked up a round ball. It was sticky (I would later discover from rubbing against other pieces of candy) so I assumed it was a slightly melted gum ball. Silly though since Macy's wasn't warm or too cold. And the rest of the candy was fine, but maybe it was just textured? So I put it my mouth and I chew to make sure it was ok, and I broke through the top layer and discovered it was chocolate. A chocolate malt ball. But the top coat was like...
It made me think it was stale. I don't care for chocolate but my mom hates when I spit food out the window. But anyway, we know Macy's to be quite good about their candy so I thought oh well. Maybe that's just how things are. And I'm at the end of the chocolate but something is left behind. Thin strips of what I thought to be raisins. But they were so hard and they hurt my teeth and I thought uh oh. I royally fudged up my teeth by eating this because every single one is like, nerves on FIRE. And I can sorta feel a crackle every time I bite down. And I'm telling my mom this really sucks and I don't know what I'm eating but it hurts to bite down and I try to swallow it but it's too big and thank god I didn't swallow too much of it.
Because I spat it out on the overpass and I looked and hey.
It's TINFOIL.
I should probably schedule an eye appointment in a year or so. This is getting ridiculous.
Or you know, I need a few cups of coffee when I wake up because hell. wtf is wrong with me that I did not notice this sooner?