(no subject)
Hello all...not much going on. I went to the doctor, and he gave me some new meds. I am hoping they work, otherwise I do not know what I am going to do. I have tried everything. The only thing left to do is go in for some catscans or MRIs, but that is costly and I am not sure when I can get into a Neurologist. I found out, due to my OWN researching, that I have Photophobia. I know a lot of you are thinking "Great! Another PHOBIA to add to her list!" No, it is not a phobia like my fear of fish or mustard. This is the term given when your eyes are uber-sensitive to light. My eyes cannot handle light like most peoples can. My eyes constrict painfully, thus causing, I hope, my migranes. My eyes cannot filter out light as well as they used to, hence why I cannot go outside during the day or into brightly lit rooms without feeling an intense pain in my eyes and head. Hell, even to walk into a dark room with just a nightlight on is murder on them...Now, all I must do is find the cause of my photophobia (since the actual photophobia is a symptom of an underlying cause). Once I figure that out, I should be cured, and I will *hopefully* not have to put up with another 9 years of this hell.
My mom bought my bro and I some early Xmas prezzies...YAY! I got a Nightmare Before Christmas Anniversary clock (you know, the pretty ones in the glass dome with the little spinny things under the clock? No? oh well, it is pretty!), A new 5 cd disk player (mine and my bros to share), "Metropolis 2004" cd, "Critical Mass 3" cd, NBC stickers, lipgloss, and a squishy pillow! I am getting the Jack comforter next week, and she wants to buy me the NBC Jack and Sally lamp for my room! ^__^ Kick Ass!
Oh, here is a poem I wrote the other day...meh.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Beautiful Girl 12/01/04
Her life is so easy,
Or so it seems.
She's so full of hope
And so full of dreams.
She's always so happy.
Always with a smile,
And I haven't seen her cry
In quite a long while.
She always does what's best.
Never causes any harm.
And yet I wonder
About the cut on her arm...
"Life is too hard,"
I once heard her say,
"I just don't think
I can face another day!"
Surely this is not said
By the beautiful girl I see!
The one who's life is as perfect
As perfect would be!
Why does she cry so?
Why does she hate her life?
Why is all the happiness
Suddenly replaced by strife?
She tends to think too much
About her haunted past.
About her shattered dreams,
And love that never lasts.
Now she feels ugly,
Worthless and used.
She feels she's been violated
And utterly abused.
Her once beautiful face
Has lost it's lovely glow,
What is the reason why?
No one will ever know.
The reasons are locked
Deep down in her heart
And every day of her life
They tear her apart.
She's sick of hiding the pain,
Gazing through a facade.
Oh! Beautiful girl!
You are nothing but a fraud!
She used to be so beautiful to me,
Now she's the one that I fear,
The girl I once knew so well,
The girl in the mirror.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A fun lil' ^__^
o1: Name: Spooky! AKA Erin Rose
o2: Age: 20 going on 21 *sigh*
o3: DOB: 2/27/84
o4: Hobbies: Hat making, Collecting Alice and Nightmare Before Christmas stuff, ART! ART! ART!, TRIVIA (I know soooo much usless crap!) and Serial Killers
o5: Sexuality: Eh...Pansexual...People should fall in love with personality not genitalia!
Favorites:
o1: Food: SOY! Vegetarian, so I love "fake" meat. The turkey is the best...oh! And anything spicy!
o2: Drug: Eh...Ecederine Migrane?? Heh...I do not use drugs anymore, but if I had to pick one, I would say Dextroamphetamines.
o3: Drink: Water, Juice (not Orange >,<) and HARD LIQUOR!
o4: Animal: BATS! and West Highland White Terriers
o5: Band: Bauhaus, Depeche Mode, Lydia Lunch
o6: Color: Black! Purple or red
o7: Movie: Nightmare Before Christmas and Alice in Wonderland or the Excorsist
o8: TV Show: Pimp my ride (heh...I want a cool car), True Crime shows, and sometimes the History Channel.
Or's:
o1: Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi
o2: Chocolate or Vanilla: Hmm...Mixed! ^__^
o3: Black or pink: Black!!!!!
o4: Death or Life: Hmmm...tricky, but I like either or...Life is painful, but death is lifeless...
o5: Torture or love: Aren't they both the same??? Erm...Love
o6: Heaven or Hell: The Afterlife...
o7: Christmas or your Birthday: Both suck...too much snow...but I WILL be 21 soon...so Birthday
o8: Kittens or Puppies: Puppies! YAY!
Your views on:
o1: sex: I think you should do it with someone you care about...
o2: Sex before marriage: Cannot preach...I was in love once, and Sex, to me, is the act of love...
o3: Gay marriage: Okay, if you can marry a rock, you should marry whom ever you want! I am very pro-gay marriage, and love knows no gender. I have a lot of gay friends, and it makes me mad that they are treated like 2nd rate citizens...
o4: Depression: Been there, done that, have frequent flyer miles...people need to understand that depression is a disorder. I get depressed sometimes for no reason at all...we all need to be a bit more understanding when it comes to depression and suicide.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Love you all!
~Spooky!
My mom bought my bro and I some early Xmas prezzies...YAY! I got a Nightmare Before Christmas Anniversary clock (you know, the pretty ones in the glass dome with the little spinny things under the clock? No? oh well, it is pretty!), A new 5 cd disk player (mine and my bros to share), "Metropolis 2004" cd, "Critical Mass 3" cd, NBC stickers, lipgloss, and a squishy pillow! I am getting the Jack comforter next week, and she wants to buy me the NBC Jack and Sally lamp for my room! ^__^ Kick Ass!
Oh, here is a poem I wrote the other day...meh.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Beautiful Girl 12/01/04
Her life is so easy,
Or so it seems.
She's so full of hope
And so full of dreams.
She's always so happy.
Always with a smile,
And I haven't seen her cry
In quite a long while.
She always does what's best.
Never causes any harm.
And yet I wonder
About the cut on her arm...
"Life is too hard,"
I once heard her say,
"I just don't think
I can face another day!"
Surely this is not said
By the beautiful girl I see!
The one who's life is as perfect
As perfect would be!
Why does she cry so?
Why does she hate her life?
Why is all the happiness
Suddenly replaced by strife?
She tends to think too much
About her haunted past.
About her shattered dreams,
And love that never lasts.
Now she feels ugly,
Worthless and used.
She feels she's been violated
And utterly abused.
Her once beautiful face
Has lost it's lovely glow,
What is the reason why?
No one will ever know.
The reasons are locked
Deep down in her heart
And every day of her life
They tear her apart.
She's sick of hiding the pain,
Gazing through a facade.
Oh! Beautiful girl!
You are nothing but a fraud!
She used to be so beautiful to me,
Now she's the one that I fear,
The girl I once knew so well,
The girl in the mirror.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A fun lil' ^__^
o1: Name: Spooky! AKA Erin Rose
o2: Age: 20 going on 21 *sigh*
o3: DOB: 2/27/84
o4: Hobbies: Hat making, Collecting Alice and Nightmare Before Christmas stuff, ART! ART! ART!, TRIVIA (I know soooo much usless crap!) and Serial Killers
o5: Sexuality: Eh...Pansexual...People should fall in love with personality not genitalia!
Favorites:
o1: Food: SOY! Vegetarian, so I love "fake" meat. The turkey is the best...oh! And anything spicy!
o2: Drug: Eh...Ecederine Migrane?? Heh...I do not use drugs anymore, but if I had to pick one, I would say Dextroamphetamines.
o3: Drink: Water, Juice (not Orange >,<) and HARD LIQUOR!
o4: Animal: BATS! and West Highland White Terriers
o5: Band: Bauhaus, Depeche Mode, Lydia Lunch
o6: Color: Black! Purple or red
o7: Movie: Nightmare Before Christmas and Alice in Wonderland or the Excorsist
o8: TV Show: Pimp my ride (heh...I want a cool car), True Crime shows, and sometimes the History Channel.
Or's:
o1: Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi
o2: Chocolate or Vanilla: Hmm...Mixed! ^__^
o3: Black or pink: Black!!!!!
o4: Death or Life: Hmmm...tricky, but I like either or...Life is painful, but death is lifeless...
o5: Torture or love: Aren't they both the same??? Erm...Love
o6: Heaven or Hell: The Afterlife...
o7: Christmas or your Birthday: Both suck...too much snow...but I WILL be 21 soon...so Birthday
o8: Kittens or Puppies: Puppies! YAY!
Your views on:
o1: sex: I think you should do it with someone you care about...
o2: Sex before marriage: Cannot preach...I was in love once, and Sex, to me, is the act of love...
o3: Gay marriage: Okay, if you can marry a rock, you should marry whom ever you want! I am very pro-gay marriage, and love knows no gender. I have a lot of gay friends, and it makes me mad that they are treated like 2nd rate citizens...
o4: Depression: Been there, done that, have frequent flyer miles...people need to understand that depression is a disorder. I get depressed sometimes for no reason at all...we all need to be a bit more understanding when it comes to depression and suicide.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Love you all!
~Spooky!