Heartsick
I'm gonna do something I very, very rarely do: I'm gonna talk about events going on in my online life. Today's topic: losing friendships.
It seems that the fallout from my leaving that writer's workshop I mentioned a while back continues to haunt me. I recently wrote to one of the continuing members in that workshop, after not hearing from this person for quite a while, asking if they were mad at me.
I was told, point blank, that no, they weren't mad at me per se; but, because of the rather noisy way in which one of the other people who left the workshop handled their departure, and because my departure happened at the same time, I was a part of that same noisy departure and thus had violated her spirit of friendship. She "respected my decision" to leave, but wanted nothing more to do with me because I "supported" this other person by walking out "with" her.
Excuse me?
I have said little about my leaving to anybody not directly involved. My post in here was agonizingly brief, considering the huge amount of hurt that accompanied that necessary move. In the process of leaving this online organization, I caused absolutely no drama; I threw no temper tantrum, I posted no private messages in public, I did absolutely nothing that would cause anyone any grief or humiliation or anger. I posted one public message before making my decision, questioning the situation, which was answered in a way that made me feel like I'd been slapped - hard. When the time came to leave, I left quietly and with no fanfare at all. When asked by others after the fact why, I stated my case tersely and then recommended that the person also talk to the other principal involved so as to get a balanced view of the situation.
And now, according to my former friend, I'm persona non grata merely because I happened to leave this workshop over priciples at the same time as another did in a more boisterous fashion.
Well, I'm sorry. Principles are important. When I see someone being treated in an unethical manner, I am going to stand up for that person, no matter who else agrees with me. The behavior of those who make the same principled stand is not my problem or responsibility. I am responsible for the way that I behave, and/or any offenses I commit in the process.
But that's it, dammit!
That someone would hold me responsible for another person's behavior when I had no authority, no true influence over them, utterly defies my ability to comprehend. That this same someone cannot separate standing up for principles from the behavior of others involved in the same fracas makes me truly sad. And while it hurts immensely to say this, I hold that anyone willing to do either, much less both, doesn't deserve to be thought of as a friend in the first place - and I am better off knowing that as soon as possible.
I guess I'm glad I have choir practice tonight, and then have to get up bright and early to play piano/organ duets tomorrow morning. One of my music teachers once told me that "Music is an amulet to be worn against all adversity." I hope that continues to hold true.
It seems that the fallout from my leaving that writer's workshop I mentioned a while back continues to haunt me. I recently wrote to one of the continuing members in that workshop, after not hearing from this person for quite a while, asking if they were mad at me.
I was told, point blank, that no, they weren't mad at me per se; but, because of the rather noisy way in which one of the other people who left the workshop handled their departure, and because my departure happened at the same time, I was a part of that same noisy departure and thus had violated her spirit of friendship. She "respected my decision" to leave, but wanted nothing more to do with me because I "supported" this other person by walking out "with" her.
Excuse me?
I have said little about my leaving to anybody not directly involved. My post in here was agonizingly brief, considering the huge amount of hurt that accompanied that necessary move. In the process of leaving this online organization, I caused absolutely no drama; I threw no temper tantrum, I posted no private messages in public, I did absolutely nothing that would cause anyone any grief or humiliation or anger. I posted one public message before making my decision, questioning the situation, which was answered in a way that made me feel like I'd been slapped - hard. When the time came to leave, I left quietly and with no fanfare at all. When asked by others after the fact why, I stated my case tersely and then recommended that the person also talk to the other principal involved so as to get a balanced view of the situation.
And now, according to my former friend, I'm persona non grata merely because I happened to leave this workshop over priciples at the same time as another did in a more boisterous fashion.
Well, I'm sorry. Principles are important. When I see someone being treated in an unethical manner, I am going to stand up for that person, no matter who else agrees with me. The behavior of those who make the same principled stand is not my problem or responsibility. I am responsible for the way that I behave, and/or any offenses I commit in the process.
But that's it, dammit!
That someone would hold me responsible for another person's behavior when I had no authority, no true influence over them, utterly defies my ability to comprehend. That this same someone cannot separate standing up for principles from the behavior of others involved in the same fracas makes me truly sad. And while it hurts immensely to say this, I hold that anyone willing to do either, much less both, doesn't deserve to be thought of as a friend in the first place - and I am better off knowing that as soon as possible.
I guess I'm glad I have choir practice tonight, and then have to get up bright and early to play piano/organ duets tomorrow morning. One of my music teachers once told me that "Music is an amulet to be worn against all adversity." I hope that continues to hold true.