(no subject)
hi. i really need to just write somewhere, and i figured that this would be a good place. the whole thought of my boyfriend, Jesse leaving is killing me, and i don't know how much more i can stand this feeling. call me selfish, but i don't want him to leave for college at all. he leaves in about 3 weeks to Washington State University (WSU), and the guys he's living with are big partiers, and Jesse parties sometimes, but I know he's gonna do it more, now that he's 21, and on his own. I can't stop thinking about what if he cheats on me, or finds someone better, or doesn't want to be with me anymore. I know that those things are something that he would NEVER want to intentionally do, or not want to do to me, because I know he cares for me alot, and loves me, but I can't help to think about it. I hate sitting at home doing nothing, because this is all that I think about. I've never felt this way about anyone, and if I were to lose him I don't know what I'd do, or what I'd do to myself. I can't stop crying, I can't stop worrying, and I can't stop feeling scared. I don't know what I'm gonna do with myself when he leaves. I hate myself for thinking about the worse in everything. I just don't know what to do...