FIC: 100 Things Eames Is No Longer Allowed To Do #87
Title: 100 Things Eames Is No Longer Allowed To Do #87
Authors: unvarnishedtale & immoral_crow
Team: ♥ROMANCE♥
Prompt: LIES & DEFEAT
Word count: 800
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Blink-and-you’ll-miss-it reference to crossdressing.
A/N: This instalment of 100 Things Eames Is No Longer Allowed To Do While Working For Cobb is not in any way based on real life, and I did not, under any circumstances, teach my own daughter to dance the Time Warp before she learned to steps to I’m A Little Teapot. >_>
There was no point denying it, Cobb had been nervous about leaving the kids with Eames and Arthur for the afternoon, but it had been unavoidable. Balancing life as a single father with a career of international dreamthievery wasn't easy and sometimes it was just impossible to get a sitter. Phillipa and James had spent the morning sitting in the corner with colouring books and pencils.
Actually, that was a lie, they'd spent about five minutes arguing over who got to use the stubby remains of the blue pencil and had then abandoned their artistic efforts. James had followed Yusuf around asking the kind of awkward questions only small children are capable of asking, and Phillipa had populated Ariadne's maze model with her My Little Pony collection.
Despite Ariadne’s threats to tie the children up, and despite Yusuf’s assurances that a small amount of sedative wouldn’t cause any lasting damage, Cobb would still have preferred to leave James and Phillipa in their charge. However, as luck would have it, Yusuf had to pick up a shipment that afternoon. Ariadne’s excuse was vague, something about meeting an old friend for coffee, or a man about a dog, or possibly her therapist. Anyway, the point was that neither of them would be hanging around the abandoned suite of offices where they’re set up their base of operations, and there was no way Cobb could take the kids with him to the meeting. His reputation was on shaky enough ground as it was.
Which left Arthur and Eames.
They’d agreed to it readily enough, with a minimum of muttering from Arthur about not being paid for this kind of shit. Eames had just flashed Cobb his most charming smile, and that usually meant Eames was plotting something, but by that time Cobb was running late so he’d just grabbed his briefcase and run out the door. Sitting in the back of a cab on his way to the meeting, Cobb realised that he wasn’t sure who to worry about more, his business associates or his children.
Coming back to the offices a couple of hours later, he heard thumping and giggling before he opened the door. That was rarely a good sign, so he was prepared for a certain degree of carnage.
What he found was Eames reading ‘Princess Smartypants’ to Phillipa while Arthur made James run laps up and down the office, timing him with a pocketwatch. Huh.
“Hey, guys,” he said, entering the room and dumping his briefcase on a desk. “Been having fun?”
“Yeah, daddy! Eames taught us a new dance!” Phillipa said.
“He did, huh?”
“No he didn’t, Pip!” said Eames, shaking his head meaningfully.
“He did! He did!” James shouted. “Put the music on again, Arthur!”
“Oh, I’m sure your dad’s too busy-“ Arthur began, looking unaccountably shifty.
“Are you kidding? There’s nothing I’d like more than to see your new dance,” Cobb said.
“Daddy, you could learn it too! It’s really easy!”
“Sure, okay. You guys show me how it’s done, and then I’ll give it a go.”
“Put the music on, Arthur!” Phillipa yelled.
“I don’t think-“
“Well,” James said, “we can do it without the music then! It’s just a jump to the left!”
Both children jumped to the left, with much attendant giggling.
“And then a step to riiiiiiiiiiight!” Phillipa sang as they both did that as well.
“PUT YOUR HANDS ON YOUR HIPS!” they yelled together, “AND BRING YOUR KNEES IN TIIIIIIIIGHT!”
Cobb stood up. “That’s lovely dancing, my darlings! Eames! Arthur! A word?”
Safely behind the door of the erstwhile Manager’s office, Cobb turned to face his colleagues, whose poorly suppressed giggling wasn’t improving his mood.
“What the hell was that? The Time Warp? You can’t teach the Time Warp to kids!”
“I don’t know the steps to I’m A Little Teapot!” Eames protested. “Besides which, knowing how to dance the Time Warp will serve them much better in later life!”
“I can’t believe I’m hearing this!”
“It could be worse! Arthur was all for teaching them how to strip and clean a handgun!”
“Oh, thanks a lot, Eames!” Arthur muttered.
“Jesus Christ, you two!”
“Look, Cobb. Pip and Jamie are fine, aren’t they? And we didn’t burn the place down or anything so really, it went better than you were expecting.”
Cobb’s shoulders sagged in defeat. “Yeah, they’re fine. They’re perfectly fine. It’s just…please tell me you didn’t teach them the next song as well?”
“What do you take me for, Cobb? Honestly,” Eames said, affronted. “Although, when we get back to the hotel, Arthur…”
“I told you, I’m not wearing that corset for you again,” Arthur replied, struggling for an air of cool professionalism but being thwarted by dimples.
Sometimes, Cobb thought, It’s best not to ask.
Authors: unvarnishedtale & immoral_crow
Team: ♥ROMANCE♥
Prompt: LIES & DEFEAT
Word count: 800
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Blink-and-you’ll-miss-it reference to crossdressing.
A/N: This instalment of 100 Things Eames Is No Longer Allowed To Do While Working For Cobb is not in any way based on real life, and I did not, under any circumstances, teach my own daughter to dance the Time Warp before she learned to steps to I’m A Little Teapot. >_>
There was no point denying it, Cobb had been nervous about leaving the kids with Eames and Arthur for the afternoon, but it had been unavoidable. Balancing life as a single father with a career of international dreamthievery wasn't easy and sometimes it was just impossible to get a sitter. Phillipa and James had spent the morning sitting in the corner with colouring books and pencils.
Actually, that was a lie, they'd spent about five minutes arguing over who got to use the stubby remains of the blue pencil and had then abandoned their artistic efforts. James had followed Yusuf around asking the kind of awkward questions only small children are capable of asking, and Phillipa had populated Ariadne's maze model with her My Little Pony collection.
Despite Ariadne’s threats to tie the children up, and despite Yusuf’s assurances that a small amount of sedative wouldn’t cause any lasting damage, Cobb would still have preferred to leave James and Phillipa in their charge. However, as luck would have it, Yusuf had to pick up a shipment that afternoon. Ariadne’s excuse was vague, something about meeting an old friend for coffee, or a man about a dog, or possibly her therapist. Anyway, the point was that neither of them would be hanging around the abandoned suite of offices where they’re set up their base of operations, and there was no way Cobb could take the kids with him to the meeting. His reputation was on shaky enough ground as it was.
Which left Arthur and Eames.
They’d agreed to it readily enough, with a minimum of muttering from Arthur about not being paid for this kind of shit. Eames had just flashed Cobb his most charming smile, and that usually meant Eames was plotting something, but by that time Cobb was running late so he’d just grabbed his briefcase and run out the door. Sitting in the back of a cab on his way to the meeting, Cobb realised that he wasn’t sure who to worry about more, his business associates or his children.
Coming back to the offices a couple of hours later, he heard thumping and giggling before he opened the door. That was rarely a good sign, so he was prepared for a certain degree of carnage.
What he found was Eames reading ‘Princess Smartypants’ to Phillipa while Arthur made James run laps up and down the office, timing him with a pocketwatch. Huh.
“Hey, guys,” he said, entering the room and dumping his briefcase on a desk. “Been having fun?”
“Yeah, daddy! Eames taught us a new dance!” Phillipa said.
“He did, huh?”
“No he didn’t, Pip!” said Eames, shaking his head meaningfully.
“He did! He did!” James shouted. “Put the music on again, Arthur!”
“Oh, I’m sure your dad’s too busy-“ Arthur began, looking unaccountably shifty.
“Are you kidding? There’s nothing I’d like more than to see your new dance,” Cobb said.
“Daddy, you could learn it too! It’s really easy!”
“Sure, okay. You guys show me how it’s done, and then I’ll give it a go.”
“Put the music on, Arthur!” Phillipa yelled.
“I don’t think-“
“Well,” James said, “we can do it without the music then! It’s just a jump to the left!”
Both children jumped to the left, with much attendant giggling.
“And then a step to riiiiiiiiiiight!” Phillipa sang as they both did that as well.
“PUT YOUR HANDS ON YOUR HIPS!” they yelled together, “AND BRING YOUR KNEES IN TIIIIIIIIGHT!”
Cobb stood up. “That’s lovely dancing, my darlings! Eames! Arthur! A word?”
Safely behind the door of the erstwhile Manager’s office, Cobb turned to face his colleagues, whose poorly suppressed giggling wasn’t improving his mood.
“What the hell was that? The Time Warp? You can’t teach the Time Warp to kids!”
“I don’t know the steps to I’m A Little Teapot!” Eames protested. “Besides which, knowing how to dance the Time Warp will serve them much better in later life!”
“I can’t believe I’m hearing this!”
“It could be worse! Arthur was all for teaching them how to strip and clean a handgun!”
“Oh, thanks a lot, Eames!” Arthur muttered.
“Jesus Christ, you two!”
“Look, Cobb. Pip and Jamie are fine, aren’t they? And we didn’t burn the place down or anything so really, it went better than you were expecting.”
Cobb’s shoulders sagged in defeat. “Yeah, they’re fine. They’re perfectly fine. It’s just…please tell me you didn’t teach them the next song as well?”
“What do you take me for, Cobb? Honestly,” Eames said, affronted. “Although, when we get back to the hotel, Arthur…”
“I told you, I’m not wearing that corset for you again,” Arthur replied, struggling for an air of cool professionalism but being thwarted by dimples.
Sometimes, Cobb thought, It’s best not to ask.