Come On Make Me Feel Alive [3/3]
<< PART TWO
Las Vegas, NV
Because Yixing is from the Big Apple, he finds the dazzling lights of Las Vegas more comforting than disconcerting.
“It feels like home,” Lu Han says, eyeing the green MGM Grand hotel in the distance.
Kris just pouts from the passenger seat, finally pocketing the phone that he had been texting with for the past hour. “Joonmyeon’s going to sleep,” he says with a sigh.
Lu Han gives a questioning look.
“Three hour time difference,” Kris explains. “It’s kind of late there and he has important things to do tomorrow morning.”
“Well we have important things to do tonight,” Lu Han says. “Get drunk.”
No one bats an eyelash.
None of the four are really into gambling because they have all the money that they will ever need. Instead, they check in to a big suite at the Bellagio and head out to the club right after.
"Bar," Kris says.
"Dance club," Tao says.
"Both," Lu Han decides.
Yixing just shakes his head.
Since none of them are expecting to be sober enough for driving behind the wheel at the end of the night, they leave Kris' car at the hotel and instead rent a limo, stocked with vodka and campaign.
"We're almost at the end of the trip," Lu Han says, holding up a flute of sparkling alcohol into the air as dubstep mixes of Ke$ha blared from the radio. "Cheers! We're almost to California!"
Tao nods, and holds up his own glass. "We should stay in Vegas for a few days," he suggests. There is a general sound of agreement among the clinking of glasses.
For the first time since their trip, Lu Han is not the first of the group to find a partner for the dance floor.
When the boy with the dark skin and even darker eyes approaches, Lu Han sits up straighter, perking up with interest. The guest, however, fixes his eyes on Yixing and pulls him out of the booth.
"Care to dance?" he asks, voice deep and alluring.
Yixing chuckles, surprised that someone had shown interest in him when he was with Lu Han, the doe eyed beauty, and Kris, who was both tall and ridiculously handsome. "Not sure if you can keep up," he teases, accepting the guy's hand.
"Oh, I can keep up."
When the song switches from a fast club beat to something slower and more sultry and Yixing presses his body close to his dance partner's, he introduces himself as Kim Jongin. Yixing finds that yes, Jongin can definitely keep up.
"I'm a dancer," Jongin says, lips on the shell of Yixing's ear. "But you're pretty good too."
"I used to be a dancer," Yixing replies, shivering slightly. The drinks in the limo and the shots from the booth were starting to take effect; Yixing holds on tighter to stay on his feet even as other bodies press them closer.
"I can tell."
The hot press of bodies has Yixing working up a sweat in no time, and he has been grinding his butt into Jongin's crotch for way too long.
"Want to get out of here?" Yixing asks huskily.
"Yeah," Jongin replies at once. "Yeah."
When Yixing gets back to the booth, Lu Han is chatting up a brunette girl with bright red lipstick. Kris adds his bit to the conversation, but otherwise stays unimpressed.
"Where's Tao?" Yixing asks, stealing the rest of Lu Han's drink.
"Dance floor? Bathroom? Not sure," Kris replies.
Lu Han gives him a glare and moves his hand further up the girl's thigh.
"I'm going to grab a cab and head back first," Yixing says, already pulling Jongin out of the door.
To Yixing's surprise, the morning after is not awkward. He doesn't have that many drunk one night stands, but he is rather pleased to find Jongin still in his bed when he wakes up.
"My head hurts," Jongin groans, rolling over onto Yixing.
Yixing makes a garbled noise but is too tired to move away. Instead, he evens out his breathing and tries to go back to sleep.
It doesn’t work.
"Are you busy today?" Jongin mumbles five minutes later, rubbing sleep out of his eyes.
"Hum?" Yixing glances over. Jongin looks so adorable in his disheveled state that he can’t help but let out a chuckle, leaning over to kiss the younger's pump lips.
"My dance studio is having a free hip-hop workshop this afternoon. You said you used to be a dancer right? You can come check it out if you want; we’re learning some of that kpop stuff."
Yixing's heartbeat increases at the mere thought of dancing, but quickly pushes it away. "I'm too out of shape," he says, shaking his head. "I can't - "
"Please," Jongin interrupts with a lewd smirk. "I think we established last night that you are very much in shape."
Yixing blushes and looks away.
By the time Yixing trudges out of his bedroom, the others are already in the suite's dining room, having ordered breakfast with room service.
"You guys look kinda shitty," Tao says through a mouthful of bacon.
Yixing pretends not to hear and instead shoves Jongin into the bathroom to wash up.
Kris is waiting with painkillers in hand when they get out.
"I like this one," Jongin says, accepting them happily, clapping Kris on the back and shooting Tao a pointed look. Tao huffs from the other side of the room, cracking a tired smile. "I'm Jongin, by the way. I didn't get a chance to introduce myself last night."
Kris shakes his outstretched hand and waves toward the food left on the table. "Help yourself to breakfast, Jongin. I'm Kris, and this is Tao, and Lu Han."
Tao nods hello, but Lu Han simple furrows his eyebrows, face strangely blank.
"Where are you guys from?" Jongin asks, sitting down and pouring himself orange juice.
"Shouldn't you already know," Lu Han snaps.
Jongin gives him a slow smile. "Sorry," he replies with a drawl. "Yixing and I were kind of …preoccupied…last night."
Yixing chokes on his milk and snorts some up his nose, but Tao just cackles. Lu Han continues to glare.
"New York," Kris answers, when it becomes obvious by Lu Han's angry look that he is not planning replying. "We're from New York City, headed to LA."
"Well I'm a Vegas native, so if you need to know anything about Sin City, I'm the person for the job," Jongin replies.
"Yeah, what's with the replica landmarks?" Tao asks, sitting up with interest. "The Eiffel tower and shit."
As Jongin starts into a story about Paris Las Vegas, Yixing sits back and enjoys his pancakes. He is surprised and pleased at how easily Jongin converses with his friends, almost as if he has known them for years instead of mere minutes. There is something youthful, something alive, about Jongin. Something that he also had back when he was still dancing.
Kris is particularly intrigued about the Arc de Triomphe. "Did you say 2/3 size?"
Jongin nods. "And the tower is half sized."
Lu Han is the only one not impressed. "They stole our Statue of Liberty too," he mutters under his breath.
Jongin just blinks at him.
"What's planned for today?" Tao asks through the awkward silence. "I'd love to just lounge by the pool all day after last night."
"That sounds good," Yixing replies. He pauses, and glances over at Jongin. "I'm going to check out Jongin's dance studio later."
"You're dancing?" Kris repeats, surprised.
Yixing nods, trying to keep the overwhelming excitement he felt off his face. Kris, Tao, and Lu Han exchange a mysterious look that Yixing can’t seem to read.
“What?” he asks, looking back and forth between the other three.
“Nothing,” Kris replies, voice suddenly gentle. “We’re glad that you’re going to dance again.”
Lu Han simultaneously wants to take a nap by the pool and to hide away from the sun.
"What is wrong with you?" Tao asks, eyeing Lu Han as he lurks in the building making up his mind.
"I value my pale skin," Lu Han hisses back. "Also, the sun causes cancer."
Kris sighs, but wraps a hand around Lu Han's wrist and pulls. "We'll set up one of those umbrellas and get you in the shade. Come on, Princess."
When he gets into the cool, clear water and sinks down to his shoulders, however, Lu Han decides that the three layers of sunscreen is probably enough. Either way, it is worth a little suntan.
They gather back in the suite around six and start looking for good places for dinner on the hotel computer.
"Italian," Tao says.
"French," Kris says.
Lu Han rolls his eyes. "Both."
At that moment, the door to the suite opens and Yixing barrels in, MCM bag over one shoulder and pulling Jongin by the hand. He is smiling, looking happier than Lu Han has seen him in a long, long time. He's dressed in some loose harem pants and a white tank top that is hanging off one shoulder and clinging onto parts of his body due to dried sweat.
"Borrowed some dance clothes from Jongin," Yixing explains, dropping his backpack onto the floor by the door.
"How was it?" Kris asks, obviously trying to hide his curiosity.
"Yixing was really good," Jongin replies at once.
Yixing's dimple appears and he scratches his ear with embarrassment. "What are you guys doing?" he asks.
"Looking for a good place for dinner; what do you want?"
"Italian," Yixing replies.
Tao lets out a triumphant smile and Kris sighs. "Go shower," he grumbles. "I'm starving."
"We should shower together," Lu Han hears Jongin mutter. There is a shout of laughter and a light smacking sound, along with a "Yahhhh, watch it" from Jongin.
Lu Han's heart drops and he looks away, suddenly feeling unhappy. He doesn't want to hear Yixing's response.
When Lu Han has his hook-ups, it is strictly one date only. To his horror, Jongin sticks around for the whole week.
"You're not doing it right," Lu Han hisses to Yixing on his way to his room one day. "You’re supposed to have amazing sex and then never see them again."
Yixing only laughs. "I actually kind of like Jongin," he says, moving past him quickly. "Besides, we're not even hooking up anymore."
Lu Han is even more flabbergasted. If Yixing isn't getting any from Jongin, then why the hell is stupid Kim Jongin still around all the time?
"He's good for Xing," Kris explains when Lu Han voices his frustrations. "He's managed to get Yixing dancing again finally. You know, Jongin's auditioning for a big time LA hip hop company in a few days, and he's somehow convinced Yixing to sign up too."
"Yixing is WHAT?" Lu Han yells, shocked. For some reason, his own best friend has neglected to inform him of this very fact. For a moment, he flounders. "Does that mean he might not be going back to New York with us? If he passes the audition? What about grad school?"
Tao gives him the look, and Lu Han wilts a little under the younger man's intense gaze. "Yixing will metaphorically die in grad school," he says. "He needs to dance, Lu; you know that better than anyone."
However, the mere thought of returning to New York without Yixing, of living life without Yixing close by, scares Lu Han.
At the start of the journey, Lu Han had thought that he did not need to do any soul searching because he knew exactly who he was and what he wanted. However, hearing that Yixing, the one sure constant in his life, might be taken away from him has him rethinking his previous conclusions. Yixing can't be almost 2500 miles away, across the whole goddamn North American continent; he just can’t.
Then Lu Han's heart starts hurting because Yixing would then be staying in LA with Kim Jongin. Even if they aren't fucking now, surely, if Yixing stays, they would develop into something more. They already seem so close, going to the dance studio for practice while the others lounge by the pool, shop, and explore Vegas.
Lu Han finds that he is not okay with that prospect.
He doesn't like the way Jongin's dark exterior contrasts with Yixing's pale, white skin. He doesn't like how the two have so much in common, and how easily Yixing has taken to his new friend. He doesn't like feeling replaced, specially by someone so flawless as Kim Jongin.
Then again, Lu Han's heart has been hurting a lot lately. When Yixing touches his hand, or flashes that dimpled smile and asks him if he has eaten dinner, Lu Han's heart feels as if it is going to jump out of his chest.
It's just nerves, Lu Han tells himself. He just doesn't want his best friend to leave his side.
Deep down, even he knows that he is just lying to himself.
Yixing's audition is on a Friday, and Kris wishes him luck with a big smile and a pat on the back. He gets a text from Yixing around mid-day, saying that both he and Jongin had made past the first two rounds, and would be busy all afternoon.
"I don't know whether to be happy or sad," Lu Han mutters, looking like a lost puppy.
Tao sighs. "Yixing really wants this, so we should support him even if it means he'll be leaving us."
Kris agrees wholeheartedly. "I haven't seen him this passionate about something for years; I really missed this Yixing."
When the pair gets back at the end of the day, both are in high spirits.
"They loved Yixing and his dimple," Jongin says happily.
Yixing blushes. "No, the main agent was obsessed with Jongin! He said he hasn't seen anyone dance like that since - "
"They loved us both, basically," Jongin interrupts humbly. "I think we're both in."
"When do you find out?" Lu Han asks in a small voice.
Yixing does not notice, still on his adrenaline rush. "In a week or so, Lu," he replies excitedly. "I can't wait!"
"Oh." Lu Han spins on his heels and stomps into his room, slamming the door rather loudly.
Yixing just blinks at the closed door. "What's with him?" he asks no one in particular.
Kris shrugs, but doesn't meet his eyes. He has a feeling he knows exactly what Lu Han's problem is. However, it is between Lu Han and Yixing, and he is not in a position to meddle.
When Lu Han emerges from his room thirty minutes later, he is back to his normal, cheery self. He is the first one out of the door when they leave for the night club, on route to search for the city's best mixed drinks.
"It's a noble cause," Kris hears him say to Yixing as the elevator doors close.
Yeah, right.
Lu Han and Yixing seem to take the mission seriously, however. They drag Kris and Tao to three different clubs before deciding to stay at the last one, deeming its alcohol worthy of their presence. By then, both boys are relatively tipsy. Tao is on the dance floor making new friends, but Kris nurses a single drink by the bar, taking his time.
"What's with you?" the bartender shouts over the loud music.
"I've gotta be sober enough to take my dumbass friends home," Kris shouts back. "I'm the designated 'responsible friend'."
The bartender gives him a sympathetic smile. "Drinks are on the house," he says, patting Kris on the shoulder before moving on to his other customers. "I hated being the responsible one."
It takes another 40 minutes for Tao to return, flushed, but still sober.
"Uh…Lu Han is making out with someone on the dance floor," he says, plopping into the barstool next to Kris and tapping counter to get the bartender's attention.
Kris fails to see the point; Lu Han has hooked up with more people in the past year than he has in his whole life time. "So? Nothing new."
Tao shakes his head slowly. "The person he is making out with is Yixing."
"Oh." That is definitely something new.
Kris takes a moment to think and swishes the remains of his drink around the bottom of the glass, looking over to the direction that Tao is pointing. Lu Han's light blond hair is easily recognizable in the darkened club, and he has Yixing pressed up against one of the floor-to-ceiling columns on the edge of the dance floor. One hand is wrapped aggressively in Yixing's brown locks and the other is on Yixing's collar, yanking him closer. Yixing does not seem to mind, if the way he has his hands on Lu Han's hips and tongue down his throat is anything to go by.
"Should we be concerned that our best friends are eating each other's faces?" Tao asks mildly.
Kris shrugs. "Nah," he says. "I think it's about time. There's been so much tension between since we got here in Vegas, it was starting to make me uncomfortable."
Tao opens his mouth to say something, but decides against it.
When Lu Han stumbles back to the bar ten minutes later and inserts himself between Kris and Tao's barstools, his face is flushed red. "Hi," he says with a little laugh, dragging Yixing behind him. The dancer's white dress shirt has one too many buttons undone and a hickey is developing on his exposed collarbone.
"Um, hey," Tao replies, trying and failing to keep a smirk off his face. "What's up with you guys?"
“It’s hot in here,” Yixing says glassy eyed, leaning in to kiss Lu Han again.
"Oh spare us," Tao mutters, making a retching sound.
"Kris!" Lu Han says in excitement, suddenly pulling away from Yixing. "Kris, guess what?"
Kris hums, humoring his drunk friend.
"Yixing - Yixing and I are gonna get married," Lu Han giggles.
At that, Tao raises an eyebrow. "Are you now?" he asks, still smirking.
"We're going to - do you want - do you want to come to the wedding?" Lu Han continues. He hooks an arm around Yixing's shoulder and tries to steal Tao's drink from the table. Tao snatches it out of his grasp and Lu Han pouts for a moment before being distracted, yet again, by Yixing's lips.
"This is gross," Tao says over their heads.
Kris kind of has to agree, because watching his two best friends make out is certainly not the highlight of his night
"Separate," he commands, grabbing Yixing by the shoulder and moving him into a seat on his other side. Lu Han's hands reach after Yixing, but Tao sits Lu Han down in his seat and then shifts one over.
"There two are dumb," Tao observes after a few minutes. Yixing has fallen asleep using his arms as a pillow and Lu Han is staring, entranced, at a bottle of Vodka behind the bar.
With a sign, Kris gets to his feet. "I'll grab Yixing; you get Lu Han. I think it's time to go home."
Yixing wakes up to his second pounding headache since arriving in Vegas. This time, he is alone in bed with no recollection of how he got there. Then, he rolls over and suddenly remembers. Well, not everything, but he certainly remembers Lu Han's lips on his, and the way Lu Han's skin had felt under his fingers.
Shit.
Breakfast is an awkward affair and Lu Han seats himself across the table, as far away from Yixing as he possibly can. Any hope that things could go back to normal or, even, progress, evaporates from Yixing's mind at once.
"Let's head out to LA at the end of the week," Kris says, trying to make conversation. "Is that okay, Yixing?"
Yixing just nods, eyes fixed on his eggs.
"Lu Han?"
"Sounds good."
"Tao?"
"I can't wait to see the Pacific Ocean," Tao answers. He looks back and forth between Lu Han and Yixing and purses his lips.
Yixing reaches for the basket of croissants and finds, to his horror, Lu Han doing the exact same thing. Their hands touch for a brief moment, and Lu Han snatches his hand back as if he had just been burned.
Suddenly, Yixing is no longer in the mood for french pastries.
"Pass the cereal," Kris says weakly, compensating for the awkward atmosphere.
Lu Han wordlessly hands over the cocoa puffs.
"I'm going to the dance studio," Yixing decides, scraping his chair back in his haste to stand up. He grabs a handful of grapes and feels Lu Han's eyes on his back and he escapes from the suite.
Instead of going to Jongin's dance studio, Yixing decides to explore Vegas on his own. He had missed out when the other three toured the city because he had been dancing. Seeing the sights gives him time to think, because holy hell does he have a lot to think about.
First of all, making out with Lu Han had been a bad idea, sober or drunk. Lu Han doesn't do relationships, doesn't do feelings, and never has for as long as Yixing can remember. The blond has single handedly broken more hearts than Yixing can count using both of his hands, and he has a sinking feeling that he might be the next one.
Nothing is going to be the same anymore, Yixing realizes, but he is not sure if he is ready for a change.
Yixing meets up with Jongin after dinner at the dance studio. Jongin is covered in a layer of dried sweat and exhausted from a three hour dance session but that doesn't stop him from pointing open-mouthed at Yixing.
"Oh my god, Xing, you did not."
"What?" Yixing asks, miserably flopping down onto the hardwood floor.
"I can see that hickey on your collarbone from a mile away; don't play dumb with me," Jongin snaps. Then he starts to grin. "It was Lu Han, wasn't it? Was he good? He looks like he'd be into some kinky shit."
This time, it is Yixing's turn to stare, open-mouthed. "Oh my God, shut up," he squeaks, smacking Jongin on the arm. "We didn't - there wasn't - we just got drunk and made out a little."
"Looks like it was a lot," Jongin corrects with a smirk.
Yixing sighs. "Okay, fine, we made out a lot. But now things are all fucked up."
"You love him, right?" Jongin asks gently.
"I have for a while now, I think." Yixing lets out a breath of air, blowing his bangs out of his face. "But…it's not like he'll take me seriously."
"You have to try, Yixing," Jongin says. "Tell him how you feel."
"I can't, okay? I just…can't."
Jongin shakes his head vehemently. "Worst case scenario, he doesn't feel the same way."
"Then I end up best friendless and depressed." Yixing grimaces at the bleak thought.
Jongin pats Yixing on the back soothingly. "There are tons of hot guys in LA for you to use as rebounds," he says with a sly smile. "Besides, we're going to be amazing dancers, and he's just going to regret it when we get famous one day."
"It's not - "
"I personally think that he loves you too," Jongin interrupts.
"Yeah, as a friend," Yixing sighs.
Again, Jongin shakes his head. "No, not as just a friend."
"What do you mean?" Yixing asks, trying not to sound hopeful.
"I've seen the way he looks at me when I get too close to you and let me tell you, if looks could kill, I would be beyond dead," Jongin replies with a small shudder.
In the end, Yixing realizes that it is not about whether or not he gets rejected. It's about moving on. If he never tells Lu Han how he feels, he is going to be stuck forever with this horrible feeling inside of him. He, for one, is not about to live his whole life wondering about what could have been.
To his surprise, the hotel suite seems empty when he gets back. The lights are all off, and the whole place is dead silent. When Yixing flips on the hall light, however, he sees a blond head pop up from the couch.
"Oh, you're back." Lu Han promptly lays back down.
"Where is everyone?" Yixing asks nervously.
"Tao and Kris went to the spa. I think Jongin had vouchers or something and called half an hour ago."
Yixing almost rolls his eyes. Jongin had obviously gotten the other two out of the suite for him to have the talk with Lu Han.
"Why didn't you go too?" he asks.
Lu Han's reply is terse. "Not in the mood."
Gingerly, Yixing takes a seat next to Lu Han. "We should talk," he says finally.
Lu Han does not look up. "Yeah, talk," he repeats, but makes no effort to continue.
"About…last night," Yixing tries. "Um…"
"Do you love Jongin?" Lu Han suddenly asks, sitting up and staring straight ahead at the TV, staring, but not really seeing.
"What?" Yixing splutters. "I - no, not like that."
The light from the hall lights up half of Lu Han's face, but the other half is shrouded in shadow, leaving his expression ineffable. "How do you know?" he asks quietly.
Yixing takes a deep breath. "He doesn't make me feel the way…someone else does."
At that, Lu Han finally looks over. His eyes, however, are still guarded. "And how does this 'someone else' feel?"
"I don't think he believes in love," Yixing responds truthfully, looking away.
"Why?"
Yixing bites his lip, feeling unwanted tears start to pool behind his lashes. "He sleeps around a lot," he answers, voice barely a whisper, "and never keeps anyone around for more than a night or two. Sometimes, I'm glad because that means he's never attached, but - but it hurts so much."
For a moment, there is just tension in the air.
"You're wrong," Lu Han finally says, suddenly moving closer. "I do believe in love."
"What?"
"Yixing, I think I love you." Under the strange lighting, Lu Han looks so serious that for a moment, Yixing lets himself believe him. However, a tear slipping down his cheek snaps him back to reality.
"Lu Han, I'm not going to be one of your one night stands, okay? Stop, just stop." To his horror, Yixing starts full out crying. This is so embarrassing, he thinks. Even more embarrassing than time his pants ripped in the middle of Times Square when he was in middle school.
"I'm sorry for causing you pain when I was with all those people," Lu Han continues, scooting so that their thighs touched. "I was looking for something but I just didn’t know what it was. Now I know. It's you; I was looking for you."
Yixing draws in a shuddering breath and fixes his gaze on his knees as even more tears fall.
"Stop crying, Yixing," Lu Han begs. He reaches out and takes Yixing's hands, prying them apart and wrapping them in his. "Look at me, Xing. Please?"
Yixing shakes his head, refusing to look up.
"Xingxing, look at me." This time, Lu Han's hands are on Yixing's face, fingers ghosting over his cheek. "You're the most important person in my life, Yixing. I never - I would never knowingly hurt you; you know that. Please trust me; I'm not going to leave you"
Yixing can feel the blond's thumb brushing a stray tear away before moving down over Yixing's lips. Yixing looks up and finds himself lost in soft brown eyes. He sees Lu Han, the guy he has known for so many years, who has always had his back about everything. Lu Han, who he trusts blindly with all of his heart.
"Do you know how much I want to kiss you right now?" Lu Han mutters under his breath, eyes suddenly much darker.
Yixing thinks he does know, because he is also dying to feel Lu Han's lips on his again. He lets his eyes flutter closed as a sign of acknowledgement and a moment later, Lu Han is kissing him softly, carefully. Yixing decides that this is ten times better without the alcohol and kisses back with fervor until Lu Han is also responding with ardor.
"I like doing this sober," Lu Han says between open-mouthed kisses, as if reading Yixing's mind. He shifts himself into Yixing's lap and starts to pull at Yixing's t-shirt. A moment later, the garment is tossed over the back of the couch and Lu Han is attaching his mouth to Yixing's collarbone, running his tongue over the hickey he had left the night before.
Yixing can feel Lu Han smirking as he starts to suck another along Yixing's neck. Any thoughts of objection, however, fly out of the window as Lu Han rolls his hips down, drawing a low moan from Yixing's throat. A moment later, Lu Han's shirt is also on the floor, and the blond is reaching for the button on Yixing's pants.
"Wait," Yixing says, putting out a hand to stop Lu Han. The blond gives him a confused and somewhat disgruntled look.
"What?" Lu Han whines, pouting so much that Yixing feels the need to lean forward and kiss him better.
"Not in the living room," he explains.
Lu Han's eyes light up with understanding and he clambers to his feet, holding a hand out to pull Yixing up as well. "Okay," he says, moving toward his bedroom. "Okay."
Lu Han keeps repeating “okay” as he drags Yixing into the bedroom, stumbling about as he kisses his best friend silly.
“Lu,” Yixing chuckles, “stop. It’s okay, so you don’t need to keep saying it.” Lu Han pulls away from Yixing’s face to gaze at him for a moment.
“I just can’t believe this is happening. Now that it’s finally - I mean, I’m finally realizing that you’re really what I wanted this entire time,” Lu Han sighs, kissing Yixing gently but lovingly. “Xing,” he says, pulling Yixing onto his bed.
“Hm?” Yixing asks, as he’s pulled on top of Lu Han. They watch each other for a few very long seconds. Yixing reads Lu Han’s face - he’s obviously nervous, just like Yixing is, but the way he’s smiling is reassuring to Yixing that this is really what he wants.
“I want to give you everything,” Lu Han says. “I’m giving you all of me, so if you want it...I’m yours to take.” He props himself up on his elbows and leans up to kiss Yixing. “Do you want me?”
“Yes,” Yixing replies, kissing back, “so much.” He starts to tug at Lu Han’s waistband, but Lu Han stops him.
“Xing, I want you to know that this...you’re special. I don’t see this as a one night stand or just a friends with benefits thing. I want to be yours only, and I want you to only be mine. I just...wanted you to know that.”
“Lu...” Yixing trails off. “I love you.” He kisses Lu Han hard as he dances his fingers up Lu Han’s chest.
“There are still hickeys on your chest,” Lu Han remarks, looking at the faint red marks surrounding Yixing’s collarbone. “From me?”
“You sucked pretty hard,” Yixing says, kissing at Lu Han’s jaw. Lu Han doesn’t respond and instead ducks down to suck his marks to replace the fading ones.
“You’re mine for good now,” Lu Han says proudly as he starts to unbutton Yixing’s jeans. Yixing’s cock is already half hard, but Lu Han’s underwear tenting like Yixing’s never seen. He pulls down Lu Han’s waistband in time with Lu Han doing the same to Yixing’s underwear, and he sighs with happiness.
This obviously isn’t just about sex, for either of them, and Yixing repeatedly has to remind himself that he’s not dreaming - that the best friend he’s lusted after for who knows how long actually does reciprocate his feelings.
“Yixing,” Lu Han breathes, and Yixing’s surprised how much it sounds like a prayer when Lu Han says it in that low, reverent voice. “Yixing, Yixing, Yixing.”
Lu Han goes down on Yixing right away, and Yixing is suddenly slightly more appreciative that Lu Han has had so much practice. His lips are heavenly, kissing and sucking along his length. He teases Yixing slowly, running feather-light touches across the insides of his thighs and playing with his balls as he just places a few light kisses on Yixing’s cock. Yixing threads his fingers through Lu Han’s hair - it’s coarse and dry from all the dyeing but somehow it’s just what Yixing wants.
Lu Han finally engulfs Yixing’s entire cock in his mouth, and Yixing isn’t surprised that Lu Han can take him all the way. He feels his tip hit the back of Lu Han’s throat and it’s so hot and tight and absolutely perfect.
He squeezes Lu Han’s head between his thighs, but it doesn’t even faze Lu Han, who keeps sucking away.
“Lu,” Yixing moans. “Ah - so good.” Lu Han seems to take that as a request to go faster, so he does, pulling out moans from Yixing’s mouth with each petulant suck to his cock.
He feels the adrenaline running through his veins and that maddening, tickling sensation before he comes sticky and hot into Lu Han’s mouth. Lu Han swallows as if the bitter fluid is ambrosia, and he wastes no time in pulling up to kiss Yixing.
“Ugh,” Yixing says, tasting his own flavor on Lu Han’s tongue, but Lu Han just smiles, tugging at Yixing’s cock.
“Can you go again?” Lu Han asks, and Yixing punches him lightly.
“I’m not middle-aged, you know,” Yixing retorts, and Lu Han smiles at him. He keeps stroking Yixing’s cock, whispering filthy words into his ears - promises of fulfillments of Yixing’s biggest Lu Han-related fantasies - and Yixing gets hard again faster than he ever has before. Lu Han is just so wonderful and Yixing is so in love.
“Yixing,” Lu Han whispers in Yixing’s ear, “I’m yours. I’m all yours.” They kiss for five, ten minutes, maybe, until Lu Han is rutting up against Yixing’s thigh.
“Lu?” Yixing ventures.
“Come on, Xing,” he moans. He crawls over to the bedside drawer and clumsily pulls out a bottle of lube and a condom packet. He hands them to Yixing and climbs back on his best friend’s lap.
“Are you sure?” Yixing asks incredulously, but Lu Han doesn’t respond and instead rolls his hips against Yixing’s. He pops open the bottle and greases up his fingers, pressing a first tentative digit to Lu Han’s entrance.
Yixing is honestly surprised. He didn’t expect Lu Han to let him top, but he wonders if Lu Han’s doing it to prove that he’s letting himself be vulnerable to Yixing. And Yixing appreciates that.
Lu Han wriggles on Yixing’s finger, opening himself up and prompting Yixing to add more. Lu Han isn’t terribly loose, but it’s not a tight fit until he has two fingers in. Meanwhile, Lu Han rolls a condom onto Yixing’s cock and lubes him up as well, panting heavily into Yixing’s ear.
“Xing, I love you,” Lu Han pants desperately. He kisses Yixing’s face, his lips, his ears, his neck, until Yixing is four fingers in and both of their skin is hot to the touch.
“Lu Han,” Yixing whines as Lu Han pulls off of Yixing’s fingers. He lifts up, letting Yixing take hold of his hips, and then he drops down slowly, impaling himself on Yixing’s cock.
It’s mind-blowing; it really is. Yixing has never felt so connected to someone, and the way Lu Han rolls his hips makes the pleasure that much more wonderful. Lu Han kisses Yixing to muffle his moans, soft and passionate. Every now and then Yixing catches a whisper of “I love you” between Lu Han’s heavy breaths, and Yixing believes it. He really, truly believes it.
He moves a hand between them to stroke at Lu Han’s cock, and Lu Han cries out with pleasure, bucking his hips faster and faster. Yixing feels himself reaching his climax, and Lu Han won’t stop bucking against Yixing’s hand.
“Xing, Xing, I’m so close,” Lu Han cries, but Yixing doesn’t give Lu Han warning before he comes for a second time that night. He sees white-hot behind his eyes as he closes them in bliss, feeling all his limbs tighten and then relax, and still enjoying the heat of Lu Han’s body against his. It is undoubtedly the best he’s ever had.
Lu Han comes soon after, spilling all over their stomachs as he kisses Yixing through his orgasm. “I love you,” he pants. “And I’ll never ever stop, okay? You’re...” he catches his breath. “You’re mine and I’m yours and I never want to leave you.”
“Finally you understand how I feel,” Yixing says weakly, and Lu Han laughs. He pulls himself off Yixing and discards the condom, wiping them off with a few tissues before crawling back into his bed and pulling Yixing into a hug under the covers.
“So...you missed dancing a lot, huh?” Lu Han asks, and Yixing chuckles, kissing Lu Han’s neck.
“Yeah,” he says, “I did.”
“You were always amazing on stage,” Lu Han replies with a gentle smile. “I’m glad to see you happy.”
Yixing nestles his neck into the crook of Lu Han’s shoulder and smiles back. “You make me happy, too,” he whispers.
When Yixing wakes up, the first thing he thinks is that it was all a dream. It had been a nice dream, he muses, and he’s about to move onto the next thought when he registers that he is in fact still completely nude and Lu Han is sleeping soundly next to him, also quite bare.
It hadn’t been a dream after all, and Yixing is so glad that this is reality because no dream he’s ever had could match this. He smiles to himself, snuggling up to Lu Han, who unconsciously puts an arm around his best friend-turned-lover. Then, Yixing panics because ohmygod what if Lu Han wakes up and completely changes his mind? What if he doesn’t want Yixing anymore and realises that everything was a big mistake?
Carefully, he slips out of bed, making sure not to wake Lu Han up. He takes a long shower and mulls over the night’s events under the hot spray. He had confessed to his best friend, and Lu Han had reciprocated. What if Lu Han only reciprocated because he was caught up in the moment, Yixing thinks miserably. He has been in love with Lu Han for so long that anything other than one-sided pining seems too good to be true.
It isn’t until the spray hurts cold that Yixing steps out of the shower. He has used up all the hot water and now, Tao is probably going to kill him before breakfast. He begrudging returns to his own room to slip on fresh clothes, then trudges into the kitchen. To his surprise, the room is empty.
“Kris?” he calls tentatively? “Zitao?”
There is no answer. In fact, there is no sign that the two had even come back the night before except for the dirty dishes in the sink. Three minutes later, he finds a note stuck on the orange juice carton.
Kris is taking me shopping. We would have invited you two but we didn’t want to disturb. Will be back around noon ~ Tao
Yixing checks the clock displayed on the microwave and sees 11:02 AM. He wonders if he should take breakfast or lunch, but settles with popping two poptarts into the toaster and pouring himself more juice. At that moment, Lu Han stumbles out of his bedroom, clad only in a pair of black boxers and rubbing sleep from his eyes. Yixing gulps and looks away.
“Morning,” Lu Han says, walking over to Yixing unabashedly. He wraps his arms around Yixing’s waist and kisses his cheek and Yixing thinks that maybe he was being overly pessimistic.
“Hi,” Yixing replies, unable to look into Lu Han’s face.
“Where are Kris and Tao?”
Yixing points at the note on the counter. “Out,” he says shortly.
Lu Han reads over the note before frowning at Yixing. “What’s wrong? Is something bothering you?”
Yixing sighs. Of course, after being his best friend for so many years, Lu Han would be able to pick up on his moods right away.
“I was just worried that - in the morning, you wouldn’t ...” His voice trails off in embarrassment.
Lu Han gives him an incredulous look. “Yixing, I was serious about you last night, I’m serious about you now, and I will continue to be serious about you in the future. I really do love you.”
By then, Yixing’s face is ten shades of red. “I know,” he replies softly. “Sorry.”
“You don’t need to be insecure,” Lu Han continues. “You’re sweet and adorable and smart and talented and gorgeous and so good in bed.” Yixing chokes on his juice, but Lu Han barrels on. “I love everything about you, Yixing.” He steps forward, wrapping Yixing up in his arms.
When Lu Han connects their lips and ghosts a hand down Yixing’s back, Yixing figures that brunch can wait.
Lu Han topples Yixing over onto the couch, kissing him insistently. “You’re beautiful,” he says. Yixing smiles up at him, wrapping his arms around his shoulders as he kisses Lu Han back.
“You are too,” Yixing chuckles. Lu Han’s fingers skitter up under Yixing’s loose shirt, and Lu Han presses kisses up Yixing’s jaw.
“Is this okay?” Lu Han asks, looking concerned. “Xing, I want you.” He laughs an embarrassed chuckle, but Yixing just takes off his own shirt in response.
“Yes,” Yixing replies, and Lu Han grins. He kisses Yixing again, sliding his hand oh-so-slowly down Yixing’s navel. Yixing arches up from the suede of the couch into Lu Han’s body, and Lu Han takes advantage of the position to pull off Yixing’s pajama pants.
In the light of the morning, Lu Han can see all of Yixing, and it just makes him want to kiss everywhere that much more. He does, for that reason. Yixing giggles as Lu Han kisses up his sides and down the insides of his thighs, but Lu Han just loves hearing his laughter.
He loves the feeling of his skin against Yixing’s - and he doesn’t think about how this could affect their friendship because it already has - in the best kind of way. He presses his lips to every inch of Yixing’s body, taking brief moments to whisper his feelings to his beautiful partner in crime.
Yixing makes tiny, almost imperceptible little moans as he responds beautifully to Lu Han’s kisses and touches. Every now and then Lu Han teases Yixing’s balls, but never gives him quite enough. He wants Lu Han’s hands all over him, but his cock is aching to be touched.
“Lu,” he says in a gravelly voice, “please.”
And Lu Han doesn’t feel like teasing. He wants to give everything to Yixing, so he does. He touches Yixing slowly and languidly, making sure Yixing knows he’s being treasured and pampered. Lu Han loves the sounds Yixing makes when he swallows them up with a deep kiss. He has a packet of lube and a condom in the pocket of his backpack, which is sitting on the floor next to the couch. He rifles through the backpack’s contents and pulls them out, climbing back up onto the couch. As he lubes up his fingers, Yixing smiles adorably, his dimple showing.
"I'm so glad this isn't a dream," he says, and Lu Han falls in love all over again. He presses a slicked up finger to Yixing's entrance, letting him adjust slowly until the finger is in to the knuckle. He strokes Yixing's insides gently, and Yixing lets out a little squeak of pleasure before Lu Han adds another finger.
Yixing is so responsive to Lu Han's touches, but what Lu Han loves the most is that Yixing never stops smiling. It's as if he's in heaven, as if he's living a recurring dream. Lu Han wants to make sure Yixing knows that he can have this whenever he wants, however he wants, because honestly, it feels like a dream to Lu Han too.
He rolls the condom on and slicks himself up as well, pressing into Yixing slowly. He starts with a few shallow thrusts that have Yixing sighing in pleasure before pushing in further. It's languid and comfortable, and their low, soft moans intermingle with each other as Lu Han rolls his hips at an easy pace. It's not frantic like the sex they'd had the night before; now it feels like they're closer than ever.
Yixing is tight and hot around Lu Han, his walls clenching with every slow thrust from Lu Han. It's not long until they're both teetering over the edge.
Yixing pulls Lu Han down for a kiss, and when Lu Han changes the angle inside Yixing, it's over for him. He comes hard as he gasps into Yixing's mouth.
A few minutes later, Yixing comes too, and it had only taken a few slow tugs from Lu Han. Lu Han pulls away to grab a few tissues, cleaning them off, and then he climbs back on the couch. He sits next to Yixing and leans against the armrest, pulling him close. They're still slightly sticky, but neither of them minds as they sit on the couch and cuddle.
"This is better than a dream," Lu Han says with a smile.
"Yeah," Yixing sighs contentedly.
They sit like that for a long time, Lu Han carding his fingers through Yixing’s hair as they mumble sweet nothings to each other. Yixing falls asleep against Lu Han’s shoulder, and Lu Han too is about to nod off when he hears the door click open.
Tao and Kris walk in with Jongin on their heels, and they’re talking animatedly about something until they turn towards the sight in the living room.
“Oh for - for fuck’s sake!” Kris cries, covering his eyes, and Tao promptly turns around. “Cover that shit up! Like - yes, okay, we’re happy for you, but damn, we do not need to see that.”
Jongin’s just laughing knowingly as he gives Lu Han a thumbs up and a genuine grin, and Lu Han is inexplicably happy to have Jongin’s blessing.
Jongin walks over and grabs a blanket, throwing it to Lu Han, who covers himself and Yixing as well before telling Tao and Kris it’s safe to look again.
“Congratulations, dimwit,” Tao says disdainfully, still determinedly avoiding letting his eyes go anywhere near Lu Han and Yixing. “You finally realize how you feel about him.”
“Yeah,” Lu Han replies with a smile as he gazes down at Yixing’s sleeping form. Kris smiles proudly and claps Jongin on the back.
“It’s all thanks to you, stranger,” Kris says with a grin, and Jongin laughs.
“People dance better when they’re happy,” Jongin replies, “and Lu Han is what makes Yixing happy. I could see that easily and all I had to do was convince him a little.”
“And I’m glad you did,” Tao says matter-of-factly, “but I wish they hadn’t taken it to heart so seriously because now we can’t use this couch anymore.”
Lu Han glares at Tao, who can’t see him glaring back, but Jongin and Kris just laugh. “I guess that means we should head for California soon, then, hm?” Kris asks, and Tao perks up.
“The beach!” he yells excitedly, pumping his fist in the air. Yixing wakes slowly and smiles a dazed smile at the group.
“Hi,” he says, and they all laugh because Yixing just sounds so content with his life.
“How do you feel, Xing?” Kris asks, and Yixing looks up at Lu Han.
“Complete,” Yixing replies and Lu Han’s about ready to jump Yixing again. He kisses him instead, paying no heed to the obnoxious gagging sounds Tao is making.
Malibu, CA
They are on I-15, enroute to LA when Yixing gets the call. He is on his back in the back seat of Kris' Cayenne, head in Lu Han's lap when his phone rings. He sits up so fast that he almost smashes into Lu Han's nose.
"Hello?" he answers with mild trepidation.
"Is this Mr. Zhang Yixing?" a brisk female voice asks.
"Yes," he replies, closing his eyes. It's the dance company. This is it.
There is a pregnant pause, which feels like the longest few seconds of Yixing's life.
"On behalf of EXO entertainment, I would like to congratulate you on your successful audition. I welcome you as one of the four new members chosen to join the company through this audition cycle. I will be sending an email with some information to the address you provided with your registration. I see that you are from New York, Mr. Zhang. Are you back? Or still in Las Vegas?"
Yixing looks up to find three pairs of eyes on him. Even Kris, who is driving, has his eyes on Yixing in the rearview mirror.
"I'm actually headed to Los Angeles, ma'am," he answers, voice breaking.
At that, the woman cheers up. "Perfect," she says. "We would like you to come into our company to look over a contract in three days time. The information will all be in that email. Any questions?"
Yixing only has one. "Ma'am, I auditioned with a friend, and I was wondering if - Kim Jongin?"
The woman sighs. "I'm not supposed to divulge this information, but I suspect you'll be getting a call from your friend in about five minutes anyway. Please just let me break the good news to him first."
Good news? That must mean -
"Thank you so much," Yixing gushes.
When he hangs up the phone, three pairs of eyes are still watching him expectantly.
"I made it!" Yixing exclaims, reaching forward to high-five Tao.
Kris lets out a bated breath. "I'm so proud of you, Yixing. Dancing has always been your dream and I'm glad you're doing this."
"Congratulations," Lu Han adds, looking away. Outside, there is only desert and blue, cloudless sky.
Something with his tone is very, very wrong.
"Han?"
"So you're going to stay in LA and leave me in New York? Now? Right after we - "
Yixing does not need him to finish his sentence.
The rest of the drive is silent so Kris turns on the radio to make things less awkward. The station plays music that none of them likes, but no one speaks up. Yixing is just glad that Lu Han still has his hands in his hair. That must be a good sign. Although he is not sure how Lu Han feels, he knows that he, for one, does not want to let whatever they have between them go so soon.
"Where are we staying?" Kris asks as they start seeing signs for Los Angeles up ahead.
Lu Han makes to get up and Yixing begrudging sits up. "Did you forget that we bought a place in Carbon Beach last summer?" he says, reaching for the GPS. "Parents spent 4.5 million on a beach house to use a month per year because mom was tired of the Hamptons. Anyway, no one is there now."
"Isn't that in Malibu?" Kris asks. "What about LA?"
"We can go back later," Tao decides. "I want to go to the beach."
After pressing the "Go" button, Lu Han leans back in his seat. Yixing wants to put his head back down on Lu Han's lap, but something about Lu Han's stiff body position tells him that he shouldn't.
The beach house that the Lu's had bought was a monstrosity with 100 feet of beach access.
"Yo this is pretty sweet," Kris whistles as they move through the dining room that looks out at the water through thick glass. Tao has already thrown his shirt aside, focused solely on the sand and the ocean.
As Yixing makes to follow, Lu Han pulls him back by the hand. He stays silent as the other two head out onto the beach, looking down at his feet as the glass door closes with a soft click. Yixing can feel his heart beating heavily against his chest in dread. Is this going to be the part where Lu Han turns away?
"I can transfer after a semester," Lu Han says finally. "I don't even like NYU that much anyway, and the UC schools have good business programs as well. If I'm at Berkeley, we can at least see each other on weekends and UCLA has a decent business school too."
"You'd do that for me?" Yixing breathes, catching Lu Han's chin between his fingers and forcing him to look up.
"I love you," Lu Han says, voice full of confidence. "I want us to be together, Yixing."
For once, Lu Han's eyes are unguarded as he nods and Yixing reads him like an open book, full of hope, anticipation, and want.
Yixing's breath catches in his throat. "Okay," he says, getting lost in Lu Han's eyes.
Together, they join Tao and Kris on the beach, hand in hand. The future has never looked so bright.
[A/N]: Crossposting this was no nostalgic because QQ chinaline :(
[Click here to see who wrote which parts]
Prologue - annie
New York, NY - annie
Princeton, NJ - annie
Philadephia, PA - annie
Baltimore, MD - eexiee
Washington, DC - eexiee
Virginia Beach, VA - eexiee
Charlotte, NC - eexiee
Atlanta, GA - annie
Mountainville, GA - annie
New Orleans, LA - eexiee
Millersburg, MS - annie
Memphis, TN - eexiee
Kansas City, MO - eexiee
Greentown, KS - eexiee
Denver, CO - eexiee
Las Vegas, NV - annie, except for the smut which was eexiee
Malibu, CA - annie