I agree that I was wrong in snooping, but my boyfriend wasn't upset about that at all. He was the one who initiated sharing passwords. This was the first time I snooped - I wanted evidence that he couldn't deny or lie about. I'm sure there are better ways I could've handled it, but I didn't really know how to at the time. I do agree that it may not be a good idea to share passwords though and I think it's something I'll change for the reasons you listed.
My boyfriend did try to turn it on me, but it was actually with the same point you made. He said that he hid it because he thought I would get upset and would ask why. I was more upset by the fact that he hid it and lied about it then about the actual message. If he had told me to begin with, I wouldn't have been upset, but I would have wanted to know why (the lack of a good reason might have upset me though, to be honest).
I'm just very apprehensive when it comes to his ex and I can't understand why he would want to contact her (he says curiosity). We all tried to be friends in the beginning of our relationship, but she would flirt with him and try to drop by our house when she thought I wasn't there (Once, she showed up wearing a skimpy outfit - she was fine when our roommate answered the door - but when my boyfriend came to the door she was all in tears saying she had done something horrible - he invited her in and she revealed that she had an abortion (some other guy - her and my boyfriend been separated for 2 years) - but when he called her out on it she became all bubbly, smiling, and flirting - he said he needed to check on me (I was in the next room over) and she replied with an "oh, your girlfriend's here, I didn't see her car?" She is married now (I think she still is anyway), but she has cheated in all her relationships (including with the guy she's married to now). She's only 21 now, and I'm not sure that she has matured much at all. I just don't understand what he would have to gain from talking to her, but I really am trying to understand.
I really will try my best to incorporate your advice into our relationship. I started reading this workbook on communication last night... it's targeted to improve academic and professional communication, but I noticed that there was a lot of advice in there that I could apply to my relationship as well (like with what you said about non-accusatory statements). Do you have any advice on how I should handle the situation with his ex though, given the above paragraph? I don't mind them talking, but I think I really would be uncomfortable if they ever started to hang out - which I feel that talking could lead to. How would you handle it? Thanks for all your advice! It really seems like it'd be helpful!
My boyfriend did try to turn it on me, but it was actually with the same point you made. He said that he hid it because he thought I would get upset and would ask why. I was more upset by the fact that he hid it and lied about it then about the actual message. If he had told me to begin with, I wouldn't have been upset, but I would have wanted to know why (the lack of a good reason might have upset me though, to be honest).
I'm just very apprehensive when it comes to his ex and I can't understand why he would want to contact her (he says curiosity). We all tried to be friends in the beginning of our relationship, but she would flirt with him and try to drop by our house when she thought I wasn't there (Once, she showed up wearing a skimpy outfit - she was fine when our roommate answered the door - but when my boyfriend came to the door she was all in tears saying she had done something horrible - he invited her in and she revealed that she had an abortion (some other guy - her and my boyfriend been separated for 2 years) - but when he called her out on it she became all bubbly, smiling, and flirting - he said he needed to check on me (I was in the next room over) and she replied with an "oh, your girlfriend's here, I didn't see her car?" She is married now (I think she still is anyway), but she has cheated in all her relationships (including with the guy she's married to now). She's only 21 now, and I'm not sure that she has matured much at all. I just don't understand what he would have to gain from talking to her, but I really am trying to understand.
I really will try my best to incorporate your advice into our relationship. I started reading this workbook on communication last night... it's targeted to improve academic and professional communication, but I noticed that there was a lot of advice in there that I could apply to my relationship as well (like with what you said about non-accusatory statements). Do you have any advice on how I should handle the situation with his ex though, given the above paragraph? I don't mind them talking, but I think I really would be uncomfortable if they ever started to hang out - which I feel that talking could lead to. How would you handle it? Thanks for all your advice! It really seems like it'd be helpful!
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