Best friend in love with a rapist, convict (triggers)
My best friend (14 yrs) and roomate is in love with a rapist and pedophile, who is in prison. She is 38, worked at a corrrectional facility for sex offenders and met this man, he's in his 50's, about 6 years ago. They started a phone and letter orrespondence, "fell" in love, she also saw him every day in the prison. I lived 300 miles away from her, it was never an issue in my everyday life. I was upset about this, we argued but I basically pretended it wasnt happening. She moved in with me, 1 year ago and it's driving me crazy every single day now. They talk on the phone, every day, 1.5 to 2 hours, cards, letters, have a joint bank account, she mails his money to his weed dealer. She pretty much worships this man, he is not using her for money, in fact he sends her money a lot of the time. She seems to value his opion above all others. He does seem to care for her, and often gives her good advice and a shoulder to cry on.
This is basically what he is accused of, sexually touching two girls, aged 5 and 8, masturbating over one of the girls' beds, he approached a woman in a grocery store parking lot. He had a plaster cast on his arm, and his penis was outside his pants.He hit the woman in the back of her head with the cast until bystanders intervened. He obscene telephone calls to, and threatened to rape and kill, another woman. While drinking, he had seen the lights on in a house, gone to the door, and asked to use the bathroom. While inside, he had pushed her to the ground and choked her until interrupted by her 10-year-old son. He picked up a female hitchhiker, they drank, first at a bar and later at a park, while at the park, he pushed her down, choked her from behind, hit her head against the ground, and raped her. He is now civially comminted when means he has no release date and the state can hold him for as long as they want.
I wonder why she feels she deserves this, maybe she feels she cant find someone else or could never find a man in the outside world, who is so attractive and wants to date a fat girl. I have no clue for her motives. I have lost respect and basically feel she is not the person I once knew. I hear her on the phone and get so angry, I just want to scream, stop it! I still love her and dont want to throw away our friendship. I also fear that he might get out, i will never allow this person in my life or around my family and that will be the end of our friendship. I need to set some bounderies.I am thinking of asking her to stop having him write the house, she needs to get a p.o. box for them, never talk about him again to me and basically pretending this horrible thing does not exist. Can that even work?
I dont feel she will ever stop this or leave the relationship. Am I a bad friend? I always have felt I cant tell people what to do and I should never judge them. Live and let live. I will support and try to understand others life choices.
Anything -thoughts, advice, validation, will be very appereicated