I think I'm in love with someone I shouldn't be.
I'm a 17 yr old girl, about 3 months away from turning 18.
I've never, ever had a boyfriend. I've never even been kissed. I've certainly never been in love.
However, I think I am now, with someone who is considerably older than me. 12 years, in fact. I've known him for about two and half years, and the rest of my family knows him too. I talk about him all the time, mainly about stories he's told me, or advice he's given me about something, and my family jokes with me about be 'obsessed with him' or 'stalking him', but they have never seriously asked me why I talk about him so much.
To him, (as far as I can tell) I am only a friend who happens to have a lot of things in common with him, so he can talk to me about a lot of stuff because I understand a lot better than his friends do. Sometimes I get the feeling he doesn't even take into account that I'm a female.
He's all I seem to think about lately. I want him to kiss me and I want him to hold me and I want to be his wife and have his children. I don't want anyone else but him. Sometimes my throat chokes up when I try to speak to him, and I start blushing even though all we're talking about is a TV show we both watched. I know how extremely red my face gets when I blush, but he never mentions it. Whenever he's around, I just start smiling like a loon and wishing he would come stand closer to me.
I told a few friends that I think I'm in love and I describe my feelings, but all they ever say is it is a crush and in a month I'll have forgotton about it. Well, it's been a year. Even when he left to Argentina for two months and I didn't get to speak to him, he was still on the forefront of my mind and I was constantly worried about him. Other friends said it must be a lust thing, but I'm pretty sure it's not since I don't really think about having sex with him so much as just being with him.
I don't know what to do. Sometimes I feel terrible for having strong feelings for someone so much older than I am. Even the dreams I used to have for a career have become secondary. Right now when I really analyze what I want to do with my life, all I can think about is being his wife. Just last year all I ever wanted to do was post-production for TV and film, and I starting planning my future around that. But now, I don't care about that, and I don't even want to go to college.
A small part of me wants to get back to the way things were before I met him, but the majority of me never wants to be without him.
I don't really even know what I'm asking here... I guess I just need to voice my feelings... any thoughts would be appreciated.
I've never, ever had a boyfriend. I've never even been kissed. I've certainly never been in love.
However, I think I am now, with someone who is considerably older than me. 12 years, in fact. I've known him for about two and half years, and the rest of my family knows him too. I talk about him all the time, mainly about stories he's told me, or advice he's given me about something, and my family jokes with me about be 'obsessed with him' or 'stalking him', but they have never seriously asked me why I talk about him so much.
To him, (as far as I can tell) I am only a friend who happens to have a lot of things in common with him, so he can talk to me about a lot of stuff because I understand a lot better than his friends do. Sometimes I get the feeling he doesn't even take into account that I'm a female.
He's all I seem to think about lately. I want him to kiss me and I want him to hold me and I want to be his wife and have his children. I don't want anyone else but him. Sometimes my throat chokes up when I try to speak to him, and I start blushing even though all we're talking about is a TV show we both watched. I know how extremely red my face gets when I blush, but he never mentions it. Whenever he's around, I just start smiling like a loon and wishing he would come stand closer to me.
I told a few friends that I think I'm in love and I describe my feelings, but all they ever say is it is a crush and in a month I'll have forgotton about it. Well, it's been a year. Even when he left to Argentina for two months and I didn't get to speak to him, he was still on the forefront of my mind and I was constantly worried about him. Other friends said it must be a lust thing, but I'm pretty sure it's not since I don't really think about having sex with him so much as just being with him.
I don't know what to do. Sometimes I feel terrible for having strong feelings for someone so much older than I am. Even the dreams I used to have for a career have become secondary. Right now when I really analyze what I want to do with my life, all I can think about is being his wife. Just last year all I ever wanted to do was post-production for TV and film, and I starting planning my future around that. But now, I don't care about that, and I don't even want to go to college.
A small part of me wants to get back to the way things were before I met him, but the majority of me never wants to be without him.
I don't really even know what I'm asking here... I guess I just need to voice my feelings... any thoughts would be appreciated.