jealousy sucks
Hi! I'm May. My boyfriend and I are both 24 years old and I'm a girl.
I have a problem that is driving me insane.
I'm too jealous. I know it's bad and it will be my downfall.. but I just can't help it.
Let me explain why I say that I'm jealous.
I'm really paranoid and it doesn't help that all my exes left me/cheated on me for someone better/smarter/hotter than me.
My boyfriend JD is the lead programmer for a small company.
There is been a need for some other coders lately since he does ALL the work.
So last week, he told me that they were going to hire a girl.
I automatically got crazy scared because my ex Mat cheated on me(several times) with a coder chick.
But I really do trust JD, he's my best friend and really does love me.
So last Friday, there was a work party for his company and I thought "Okay, I'll face my dragons and meet her to see how she is". I then realize that she's got nothing that JD likes and notice that she actually gets on his nerves alot. Needless to say that at that point I'm feeling much better and relaxed.
I meet another girl he works with, she's the administrative assistant. I see that her too has nothing that JD likes, she's blond (he likes dark haired girls) and totally not his style, I feel awesome! I'm his queen and nothing can stop me... I think...
Then, I see this girl coming in the door, my jaw nearly drops, she could be a model, not the skinny, long faced kind of model but a real natural beauty. He introduces her to me.... she's the designer, she's wearing a kimono type of shirt with mega nice cleavage, she's got black hair, a great face, a perfect body and a smile that kills. It's okay... I can take this.. I'm not jealous.. ARGHHH!! (I start to clench my teeth). I then start noticing that she checks out my man.. a lot, like all the freakin' time. It's alright, maybe he doesn't think that she's hot (yeah right, a gay guy would turn straight just by looking at her). So then.. I start feeling like total shit because I quickly learn that she's better at everything that I do.. I have a real self esteem issue and it totally gets me down but I keep it all in because I can't let it show, I can't be weak in front of her.
The night ends and we call a cab.. it never gets there. I reach for my phone and I can't find it.. I must've forgotten it at home. I ask JD for his and he says that his batteries are dead. SO basically, we have to walk FOREVER to get to a cab and finally get home, frostbitten and tired. I just blurt out something about how I totally suck and JD asks me why, I tell him that I'm jealous and then he says "because of me or because of her". I then proceed to tell him that she couldn't keep her eyes off of him and he says that he noticed it. I ask him if he thinks she's attractive and he says "yes"... OH NO! He never said yes before.. he's really picky and always finds a big flaws about girls that I hadn't noticed.
So basically... they both have the hots for each other and now I feel like total garbage. This sucks!
How do I get through this without losing my mind or driving my boyfriend away with my jealousy problems?
The worst part is that his work is going to a cottage in January and they always drink like it's the last day on earth...
How can I trust her with him? and how can I trust him with my heart? I really do love him and I know that he loves me too.. but will temptation ruin us?
PLEASE HELP... ANYONE.
and how can I get good self esteem?
*sadness extreme*
I have a problem that is driving me insane.
I'm too jealous. I know it's bad and it will be my downfall.. but I just can't help it.
Let me explain why I say that I'm jealous.
I'm really paranoid and it doesn't help that all my exes left me/cheated on me for someone better/smarter/hotter than me.
My boyfriend JD is the lead programmer for a small company.
There is been a need for some other coders lately since he does ALL the work.
So last week, he told me that they were going to hire a girl.
I automatically got crazy scared because my ex Mat cheated on me(several times) with a coder chick.
But I really do trust JD, he's my best friend and really does love me.
So last Friday, there was a work party for his company and I thought "Okay, I'll face my dragons and meet her to see how she is". I then realize that she's got nothing that JD likes and notice that she actually gets on his nerves alot. Needless to say that at that point I'm feeling much better and relaxed.
I meet another girl he works with, she's the administrative assistant. I see that her too has nothing that JD likes, she's blond (he likes dark haired girls) and totally not his style, I feel awesome! I'm his queen and nothing can stop me... I think...
Then, I see this girl coming in the door, my jaw nearly drops, she could be a model, not the skinny, long faced kind of model but a real natural beauty. He introduces her to me.... she's the designer, she's wearing a kimono type of shirt with mega nice cleavage, she's got black hair, a great face, a perfect body and a smile that kills. It's okay... I can take this.. I'm not jealous.. ARGHHH!! (I start to clench my teeth). I then start noticing that she checks out my man.. a lot, like all the freakin' time. It's alright, maybe he doesn't think that she's hot (yeah right, a gay guy would turn straight just by looking at her). So then.. I start feeling like total shit because I quickly learn that she's better at everything that I do.. I have a real self esteem issue and it totally gets me down but I keep it all in because I can't let it show, I can't be weak in front of her.
The night ends and we call a cab.. it never gets there. I reach for my phone and I can't find it.. I must've forgotten it at home. I ask JD for his and he says that his batteries are dead. SO basically, we have to walk FOREVER to get to a cab and finally get home, frostbitten and tired. I just blurt out something about how I totally suck and JD asks me why, I tell him that I'm jealous and then he says "because of me or because of her". I then proceed to tell him that she couldn't keep her eyes off of him and he says that he noticed it. I ask him if he thinks she's attractive and he says "yes"... OH NO! He never said yes before.. he's really picky and always finds a big flaws about girls that I hadn't noticed.
So basically... they both have the hots for each other and now I feel like total garbage. This sucks!
How do I get through this without losing my mind or driving my boyfriend away with my jealousy problems?
The worst part is that his work is going to a cottage in January and they always drink like it's the last day on earth...
How can I trust her with him? and how can I trust him with my heart? I really do love him and I know that he loves me too.. but will temptation ruin us?
PLEASE HELP... ANYONE.
and how can I get good self esteem?
*sadness extreme*