Part 2 of 2glittercat13August 3 2006, 00:05:09 UTC
{Yes. I am long-winded. So, what's your point?}
You talk about the feeling of self loathing. Save yourself 30 or so years and start the journey now. Believe me when I tell you that you can unload those feelings and will be so much happier/better without them. It does take help though. Some people get the help early; I hope you'll be one of those. Some get help later; I fall into that camp and, while I could kick myself for not taking steps earlier, I'd rather pat myself on the back for making it this far and being willing to continue the journey.
Some, sadly, never are willing to get help; precious few of those are very able to unload their daemons and live the lives they want/deserve. Many, even more sadly, live long, miserable lives while those who love them break themselves on the walls they've encased themselves within. Even sadder, too many of those people end up having kids and passing all that baggage along to them. Don't be one of those people. You've got waaaaaay too much going for you to spend your life throwing it away.
Realistically, you've got another 80 years or so on this planet. Think: You've only travelled 1/5 of the road that you can reasonably expect. What do you want to do with the other 4/5? Who do you want to do it with? Where? How? Life will keep on crapping on us. It does that. We get sick. The great job goes away. The one we love turns out to not be worthy of that love. Friends die and/or move away. All life changes. That is its one constant.
We cannot control, that. We can control ourselves. We can control how we accept those changes and how we let them affect us and what we learn as we go along. We can accept each brick in the path as a challange and a lesson as we learn how to overcome it. We can grow. We can grow stronger. We can grow more adaptable. We can grow more understanding. And, along the way, we can become the men and women we were meant to be.
And something strange begins to happen along that path: We discover others who are on the same road. And we can help each other as we trip and stumble. And we can share the lessons we've learned. And we can learn to love ourselves (even if only a little - it's a start, after all). And we can learn to love others as well.
[There's something in the Bible about loving God and yourself and all others as yourself. I never really got that. I mean, I was brought up with the Bible so the God thing (for whatever flavor yours is) kind of went without saying. And, of course, I love my friends. But, *myself*? Yuck! Why me? And, for so very many years, I've not gotten it. Well, I'm hardly in love with me but, somewhere along the way, I've discovered that I'm not such a bad sort at that. I kinda like me. In fact, I find I even love me some. And I have a respect for myself that I didn't used to have. And, you know what? It's made a *HUGE* difference in how I feel about my friends and what I mean when I say I love them. I can't really put it into words but I can tell you that it's there. And, it's real. Weird, huh?]
Okay. Humongous long babble. Didn't mean to do this to you. I'll close off for now but, for yourself and for those of us who *do* see how wonderful, valuable, charming, funny, brilliant, talented and loveable you are, take a step. Or, two. Or, three. Who knows? You could run into me on that path one of these days. :D\
You talk about the feeling of self loathing. Save yourself 30 or so years and start the journey now. Believe me when I tell you that you can unload those feelings and will be so much happier/better without them. It does take help though. Some people get the help early; I hope you'll be one of those. Some get help later; I fall into that camp and, while I could kick myself for not taking steps earlier, I'd rather pat myself on the back for making it this far and being willing to continue the journey.
Some, sadly, never are willing to get help; precious few of those are very able to unload their daemons and live the lives they want/deserve. Many, even more sadly, live long, miserable lives while those who love them break themselves on the walls they've encased themselves within. Even sadder, too many of those people end up having kids and passing all that baggage along to them. Don't be one of those people. You've got waaaaaay too much going for you to spend your life throwing it away.
Realistically, you've got another 80 years or so on this planet. Think: You've only travelled 1/5 of the road that you can reasonably expect. What do you want to do with the other 4/5? Who do you want to do it with? Where? How? Life will keep on crapping on us. It does that. We get sick. The great job goes away. The one we love turns out to not be worthy of that love. Friends die and/or move away. All life changes. That is its one constant.
We cannot control, that. We can control ourselves. We can control how we accept those changes and how we let them affect us and what we learn as we go along. We can accept each brick in the path as a challange and a lesson as we learn how to overcome it. We can grow. We can grow stronger. We can grow more adaptable. We can grow more understanding. And, along the way, we can become the men and women we were meant to be.
And something strange begins to happen along that path: We discover others who are on the same road. And we can help each other as we trip and stumble. And we can share the lessons we've learned. And we can learn to love ourselves (even if only a little - it's a start, after all). And we can learn to love others as well.
[There's something in the Bible about loving God and yourself and all others as yourself. I never really got that. I mean, I was brought up with the Bible so the God thing (for whatever flavor yours is) kind of went without saying. And, of course, I love my friends. But, *myself*? Yuck! Why me? And, for so very many years, I've not gotten it. Well, I'm hardly in love with me but, somewhere along the way, I've discovered that I'm not such a bad sort at that. I kinda like me. In fact, I find I even love me some. And I have a respect for myself that I didn't used to have. And, you know what? It's made a *HUGE* difference in how I feel about my friends and what I mean when I say I love them. I can't really put it into words but I can tell you that it's there. And, it's real. Weird, huh?]
Okay. Humongous long babble. Didn't mean to do this to you. I'll close off for now but, for yourself and for those of us who *do* see how wonderful, valuable, charming, funny, brilliant, talented and loveable you are, take a step. Or, two. Or, three. Who knows? You could run into me on that path one of these days. :D\
(((((HUGS)))))
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