0522•°
I want to start writing journal entries again. Maybe I will here, or on dreamwidth. I'm really wanting to move onto dreamwidth but with nearly everyone still active on livejournal and hardly on dw, it's kind of hard to do, but regardless, I think it's very hard for me to update here anymore because of everything that's in this journal. There are too many things that I would rather not think about, or remember, and things that just bring me overwhelming shame and anger. But even so, i can't bring myself to delete this journal, or even delete entries. I've made a lot of past entries private, but that still doesn't keep me from being afraid of scrolling back through my archives, even just a glimpse of some entries are enough to make me feel sick. Anyway. A lot has happened this past year that I just feel that I need to shed some skin. Start over. Even in the smallest way possible, ya know? It can be anything from rearranging my room to a whole new wardrobe, to even a simple journal change. I just need to know that when the time comes, or when I really need to, i can change. Change isn't a bad thing, it's being able to adapt to what is going on around you. You change, you grow, you evolve. Mentally, physically, and emotionally. Life isn't stationary, you can go in any direction, in any time. I've gone through some things this past year that I never thought would happen to me, EVER. life has shown me though that you can be "that person" anytime though. And when that time comes, you realize, all that thinking about "what if this happened" doesn't help you one bit, because you still don't know what to do. You don't know what to do when it happens, when it's over, and the only thing you can do is just accept it, and move on.
I'm trying to move on. I'm trying to grow up. It's going slow, and sometimes i regress, but I want to keep going. It's just very hard. Life is hard, but the struggle is what makes it worth it in the end, I like to think.
Anyway, you guys, it's been hard for me, and no doubt for all of you too. but i want you guys to know it's going to be okay. Just hang in there.
I'm trying to move on. I'm trying to grow up. It's going slow, and sometimes i regress, but I want to keep going. It's just very hard. Life is hard, but the struggle is what makes it worth it in the end, I like to think.
Anyway, you guys, it's been hard for me, and no doubt for all of you too. but i want you guys to know it's going to be okay. Just hang in there.