Damn it!
Why do I always seem to set myself up for this?????
I've got, well...I guess you could call it a crush...on this one guy that I know. Even though, I've had a crush, it seems almost every single semester of school last year, and NONE of them worked out...seriously. I'm not sure what happened first semester...I just know it didn't work. And second semester, the guy was already dating someone....And during the summer, they all thought that I was older than 21!
And now this guy, who I haven't seen or talked to in the past 5-6 years, all of the sudden kinda pops back into my life. Okay, so I think God put him on my heart to go look for him, but still...I didn't think that he would remember me!
And I used to have a HUGE crush on this guy when I was 13...right up until the time that we left L.A. And talking to him again, even though it's just one myspace message, is kinda like having those feelings all over again. It's frustrating, especially now that I know how much older he is...and I just have this feeling that my crush is just that...a crush. Nothing more.
And that frustrates me. Because it's like I can't control my emotions. And I do want my knight in shining armor. And...I guess right now I have super high standards and they're kinda starting to relax. I mean I realize that human beings are fallible. It's what makes us love each other despite our mistakes, right?
I'm just having trouble getting a good grasp on what I really want. And I'm sick of wondering if this guy is right or wrong, and getting my heart crushed. At least in the summer semester, I didn't have hopes on getting one of my crushes. They didn't really know me and I didn't really know them. They ended up partying WAY too much for my tastes, and I've never been too comfortable with that. So, no big deal, right?
But this...this is different. And I want to keep my options open. And I can't shut my brain off tonight for some reason. I just can't. I'm starting to feel that same worry and anxiety that I've felt before...For a long time before. And it's completely out of my control. I think that's part of the frustration too...I can't control it, and I don't know what's going to happen.
Urgh. Will someone shoot me in the head so that I can sleep please?
I've got, well...I guess you could call it a crush...on this one guy that I know. Even though, I've had a crush, it seems almost every single semester of school last year, and NONE of them worked out...seriously. I'm not sure what happened first semester...I just know it didn't work. And second semester, the guy was already dating someone....And during the summer, they all thought that I was older than 21!
And now this guy, who I haven't seen or talked to in the past 5-6 years, all of the sudden kinda pops back into my life. Okay, so I think God put him on my heart to go look for him, but still...I didn't think that he would remember me!
And I used to have a HUGE crush on this guy when I was 13...right up until the time that we left L.A. And talking to him again, even though it's just one myspace message, is kinda like having those feelings all over again. It's frustrating, especially now that I know how much older he is...and I just have this feeling that my crush is just that...a crush. Nothing more.
And that frustrates me. Because it's like I can't control my emotions. And I do want my knight in shining armor. And...I guess right now I have super high standards and they're kinda starting to relax. I mean I realize that human beings are fallible. It's what makes us love each other despite our mistakes, right?
I'm just having trouble getting a good grasp on what I really want. And I'm sick of wondering if this guy is right or wrong, and getting my heart crushed. At least in the summer semester, I didn't have hopes on getting one of my crushes. They didn't really know me and I didn't really know them. They ended up partying WAY too much for my tastes, and I've never been too comfortable with that. So, no big deal, right?
But this...this is different. And I want to keep my options open. And I can't shut my brain off tonight for some reason. I just can't. I'm starting to feel that same worry and anxiety that I've felt before...For a long time before. And it's completely out of my control. I think that's part of the frustration too...I can't control it, and I don't know what's going to happen.
Urgh. Will someone shoot me in the head so that I can sleep please?