"And the devil will drag you under by the sharp lapel of your checkered coat"
Sooooo it's been like a week and a bit again. I don't really know how this keeps happening, since I used to have a1½-ish posts-per-day average, but I also guess I can't keep starting entries like this if it's becoming a habit. Whoops!
Mostly this week I've been feeling poor. And also failing to go to the gym. Well, I failed today - partly justifiable, though, since my abs are still killing me from doing leg-lifts on Friday! Mostly, however, I just didn't want to go after going to pub lunch and feeling full, fat and lazy. Ugh - must stop letting that happen D: More recently, I've been last night and tonight to elyndys's to watch X-Factor, and I'll be interested to watch the rest of the season, mostly because I have no idea who will actually be good - I didn't think there were many standout performances, really. And also I'm a bit miffed that so many people seem to be "second chance stars" - people who've been on the show before or in other bands before or even in another band off another show before! Like seriously - you had a chance, and you failed for whatever reason. Let someone else have a spot. I'm very unforgiving about that sort of thing. Also I have little patience with mental fragility as we discovered watching some guy with a sob story (he actually sang quite well, which was when we paid attention to him) - he kept closing his eyes and looking down and stuff, and the judges kept saying things like "oh you've kept this talent locked away for all those years" - he's only 21! It's not SO many years, surely! He looks 40, but it said he was only 21, I don't see what the big deal was. Whatever your eye-closing issue is, man up and get over it. By which I mean I am a good, compassionate person full of love and patience and kindness. ♥
Moving swiftly onwards. I'm about 200-some pages into Un Lun Dun so far, and I really like it - it took a bit to pick up for me, and I was't sure what to expect from it, but I'm really enjoying it espeically now that Deeba gets to do things. I can definitely see why people classify it as Steampunk, but I'm not sure it's any more Steampunk than other, similar YA fare (I guess airship busses make it so?), but I really like the atmosphere and the way China Miéville manages to write scenes so you know what's happened or how something was said, even if he didn't specifically spell it out for you. I admire that - intuitive writing rather than explanatory.
In other news, I'm thinking of getting a resumé together again and signing up to a temp agency - I'm worried that I'll go to the gym less and/or have to upgrade my membership, but maybe it's worth it? I don't know. It's hard to know if it's what I want to do.
Unrelatedly, I've been looking at potential PhD places again, and Berkeley continues to be a frontrunner in my preferences (though IU is a rather surprising second place) - I'm sure I could do a modified version of what I want basically anywhere with an English department, but to really do what I want I need a Folklore department, and those are harder to come by. We'll see what happens...who knows? I just wish I'd known a few months ago what we'd be doing next year, because then I could have organized to have my applications in on time to start next year...as it is, I still don't know and if I did, anyplace that wanted GRE scores I'd have to wait another year on because I'd need to organize to take those at the Embassy whenever they're offering them (plus I'll need to study because I've seen what happens when I don't)...which is frustrating. And everyplace else I'll probably miss the deadlines for just from not knowing what's going on yet. Which is also frustrating. It all means I'll have had a much bigger gap than I wanted to, and without doing what I meant to do in it anyway. Which makes me feel like a failure, or at least like I'm not trying hard enough.
Plus I've come to feel like I'll never get accepted to any of the PhD's I want anyway because a) I don't have GRE's, b) I don't have relevant experience in the field I want to pursue, c) PhD's are way more competetive than I always think they are, and d) I'm just not a standout student/person/thinker in any event...ARGH. I don't know, I don't know. I feel like I'd work really really hard at it, but then I don't really know what the basis for comparison is. I don't remember if I thought I'd work really really hard for my MA, but that turned out not to be true (I didn't do terribly, but I certainly didn't shine), so can I even trust my gut about it? Who knows.
Argh argh argh. Everything is hard (says the privileged child who knows nothing has ever been actually hard for her so no hate pls). I just want to go home and go to a pumpkin patch or apple orchard or fall festival and drink hot cider and eat apple doughnuts and pumpkin pie and pet a goat or something. Smell burning leaves, watch kids play in leaf-piles (sadly, they are no longer big enough to cushion my fall, should I leap on one D:). Fall stuff - you know. I miss it D:
Mostly this week I've been feeling poor. And also failing to go to the gym. Well, I failed today - partly justifiable, though, since my abs are still killing me from doing leg-lifts on Friday! Mostly, however, I just didn't want to go after going to pub lunch and feeling full, fat and lazy. Ugh - must stop letting that happen D: More recently, I've been last night and tonight to elyndys's to watch X-Factor, and I'll be interested to watch the rest of the season, mostly because I have no idea who will actually be good - I didn't think there were many standout performances, really. And also I'm a bit miffed that so many people seem to be "second chance stars" - people who've been on the show before or in other bands before or even in another band off another show before! Like seriously - you had a chance, and you failed for whatever reason. Let someone else have a spot. I'm very unforgiving about that sort of thing. Also I have little patience with mental fragility as we discovered watching some guy with a sob story (he actually sang quite well, which was when we paid attention to him) - he kept closing his eyes and looking down and stuff, and the judges kept saying things like "oh you've kept this talent locked away for all those years" - he's only 21! It's not SO many years, surely! He looks 40, but it said he was only 21, I don't see what the big deal was. Whatever your eye-closing issue is, man up and get over it. By which I mean I am a good, compassionate person full of love and patience and kindness. ♥
Moving swiftly onwards. I'm about 200-some pages into Un Lun Dun so far, and I really like it - it took a bit to pick up for me, and I was't sure what to expect from it, but I'm really enjoying it espeically now that Deeba gets to do things. I can definitely see why people classify it as Steampunk, but I'm not sure it's any more Steampunk than other, similar YA fare (I guess airship busses make it so?), but I really like the atmosphere and the way China Miéville manages to write scenes so you know what's happened or how something was said, even if he didn't specifically spell it out for you. I admire that - intuitive writing rather than explanatory.
In other news, I'm thinking of getting a resumé together again and signing up to a temp agency - I'm worried that I'll go to the gym less and/or have to upgrade my membership, but maybe it's worth it? I don't know. It's hard to know if it's what I want to do.
Unrelatedly, I've been looking at potential PhD places again, and Berkeley continues to be a frontrunner in my preferences (though IU is a rather surprising second place) - I'm sure I could do a modified version of what I want basically anywhere with an English department, but to really do what I want I need a Folklore department, and those are harder to come by. We'll see what happens...who knows? I just wish I'd known a few months ago what we'd be doing next year, because then I could have organized to have my applications in on time to start next year...as it is, I still don't know and if I did, anyplace that wanted GRE scores I'd have to wait another year on because I'd need to organize to take those at the Embassy whenever they're offering them (plus I'll need to study because I've seen what happens when I don't)...which is frustrating. And everyplace else I'll probably miss the deadlines for just from not knowing what's going on yet. Which is also frustrating. It all means I'll have had a much bigger gap than I wanted to, and without doing what I meant to do in it anyway. Which makes me feel like a failure, or at least like I'm not trying hard enough.
Plus I've come to feel like I'll never get accepted to any of the PhD's I want anyway because a) I don't have GRE's, b) I don't have relevant experience in the field I want to pursue, c) PhD's are way more competetive than I always think they are, and d) I'm just not a standout student/person/thinker in any event...ARGH. I don't know, I don't know. I feel like I'd work really really hard at it, but then I don't really know what the basis for comparison is. I don't remember if I thought I'd work really really hard for my MA, but that turned out not to be true (I didn't do terribly, but I certainly didn't shine), so can I even trust my gut about it? Who knows.
Argh argh argh. Everything is hard (says the privileged child who knows nothing has ever been actually hard for her so no hate pls). I just want to go home and go to a pumpkin patch or apple orchard or fall festival and drink hot cider and eat apple doughnuts and pumpkin pie and pet a goat or something. Smell burning leaves, watch kids play in leaf-piles (sadly, they are no longer big enough to cushion my fall, should I leap on one D:). Fall stuff - you know. I miss it D: