It's You, Come On, Kill Me
Alright, so I got a B on every fucking final. Well in the B range. I'm not feeling good about that, and I was so scared to go home. Strangely, my semester grades are all As, so my parents haven't punished me yet. They say they're waiting for the report card to come. I'm not looking forward to it. Meanwhile, they're being cutting and incredibly degrading, so I'm just trying to keep from crying whenever I'm in their presence. My mom started complaining because rehearsal ran way over and she was waiting for a while. So on the way home I told her about my grades, she told me how disappointed she was, which marked number 1 in the process of trying to not cry. The second time came when she started lecturing me about how she doesn't understand how my finals can be so bad, how I'm always an A student, how Bs are good grades for most people but bad for me. The last time came when she started complaining at me, practically blaming me then denying that she was. Instead of crying then, I spazzed. I slammed the car door open, dropping my CD player in the process and said "You know, however bad your day was, mine was worse! So don't complain at me okay?" And she said "Calm down!" So I just closed the door and half carried, half dragged my stuff inside. As soon as I got into my room I fell down on the floor because I didn't have the energy to stand and tried to start crying. Of course, following the recent trend, I couldn't. So I played some good emo music to calm myself down and did most of my homework. And now every fucking word they say cuts me to the bone and makes me detest being in their presence. They're unknowingly, and slowly, breaking down my resolve. I can't deal with 'The Project' and all of this at the same time. In addition, my new classes suck. I started going to lunch instead of Chem this afternoon. I really don't like the people in my classes. A couple have some people I like being with, but then a ton of sucky people to counter it. Basically, this new semester is going to suck. Not to mention that SDS has tech this week, and I can't even do rehearsal without thinking about the guy I'm trying to not crush on, and it's really distracting. And I'm really nervous for the play itself. Plus, people said my hair was all nice and straight so I have to keep it that way as long as possible. That probably means waking up another 15 minutes early to straighten my hair every morning. The things we do for beauty. Speaking of, I also have mental stress from feeling I'm overweight and need to work out. So I have all that in addition to all the stress I now have on schoolwork. More than ever I feel so incredibly trapped and frustrated about being here! I really just want this year to be over. Basically, I am currently an emotional wreck.
'The Project' Update:
Epiphanies-3
"Don't misuse the word love"
"Don't expect anything"
+"Do not allow yourself to expect anything more than friendship out of a new relationship. If you feel that you're starting to like said person, stop yourself. Do not expect anything more than friendship"
Bye, bye, beautiful. Don't bother to write.
'The Project' Update:
Epiphanies-3
"Don't misuse the word love"
"Don't expect anything"
+"Do not allow yourself to expect anything more than friendship out of a new relationship. If you feel that you're starting to like said person, stop yourself. Do not expect anything more than friendship"
Bye, bye, beautiful. Don't bother to write.