Who Defines It?

[adumbreminder]

So I got to wondering, what does love mean to some people? This thought came around after seeing Rodney online. He basically doesn't talk to me anymore because we broke up. His away messages used to be full of praise for me, saying he loved me and everything was okay because he had me. He's ridiculously immature, stuck in 7th grade with petty

Comments

[valliegirl]

You're so completely smart. You've got it right on so many levels. "Love" in it's truest form is unconditional. It's beyond caring about another person, and it's beyond lust and attraction. And Love in the hands of the wrong person is the most dangerous weapon. That kind of love can be wonderful. To have someone that you live for their happiness to the point that to see them in pain kills you inside, and to know that they love you too, in that same way... It's special. And it's rare. There's many times that a person has come to love another person in that way, and the object of affection takes it, twists it, and uses that emotion to slowly kill you. And no matter what you do, you care about them and you want to see them happy, but the other person really isn't capable of loving you or anyone really. That's when love is dangerous, especially if the object of affection is abusive or sadistic.

Most people don't find that type of love in high school. I think it's because of hormones. Hormones lie. They tell you who's attractive. They drive you to seek out attractive persons. Most high school relationships are just lots of attraction. There's caring in there too, because as you get to know each other, you find things to like about the other person. But it's difficult to find something deeper than caring and attraction at that development level. And it's not really love, though it's mistaken for such.

I had a boyfriend once when I was 13... I was attracted to him when we initially met... but after getting to know him better he started to really freak me out. He was so controlling and clingy. And after the four days, I wanted out. It took me an extra week to break up with him though, because I wasn't sure how to really tell him without being mean. Like, "Yeah you're cute, but dude, you're really creepy." But there was one time he grabbed my hands as I was trying to get to a class. I couldn't get them away from him. And he wouldn't let go until I kissed him. I gave him a small peck and then I ran to my class. There was another time he called me on the phone and told me he loved me... After a week of knowing me... And the feeling was totally not two ways because I wanted out. And he told me he wasn't going to let me off the phone until I said it back. I told him that my Mom wanted me to do my homework (which was true) and I hung up. HE CALLED BACK. My Mom answered the phone and told him I wasn't allowed to talk until I'd finished my work.

I'd never been so happy to be saved by homework.

I broke it off with him, and I gave him his ugly ring back.. (It has a ram's head on it... creepy.)

Within an hour, he asked out some other girl. I found out that during the week and a half we dated, he tried making out with at least two girls that I was friends with... one of them he knew we were friends, the other one he didn't know we knew each other.

Noone told me until after we broke up though.

He still haunted me all through junior high and high school though. The next year, he was trying to date a friend of mine. She really wanted nothing to do with him, but he kept calling her and stuff. And she'd talk with me about all the creepy stuff he'd say and do over the phone, and I'd commiserate. Apparently, he found out that we were talking about him though. And he called me one night, saying that he wanted to get back with me. I told him that no, I didn't really want to go out with him and that I actually was interested in someone else (which I was). And he made threats that he would kick the other guy's ass. *rolls eyes* I hung up on his crazy ass.

This guy went on to sexually harrass girls he worked with and attempted to rape a foreign exchange student that stayed at his house his senior year of high school.

He's just crazy and creepy. And everything you wrote about high school relationships brought it all up again. Because of the way that he would try to force me to show him affection and to tell him I loved him. If he was a normal person, he'd have either gotten the message that I really didn't feel the same, or he'd have waited for me to care more.

And if he wasn't so creepy, I might have cared more.