(no subject)
Hanging in depression recently. I'm not far from it most of the time anyway, so I can coast through without seeming to be different in any significant way, but it sucks. I feel more worthless and pathetic than usual.
Depression is usually accompanied by what I think of as strong bouts of realism: reccurring thoughts of how little I've accomplished, how insignificant I am on various levels, how unlikely I am to ever realize my dreams, etc.
It wouldn't be so bad if I could suspend the thoughts. Instead I have to try to make louder thoughts cover them up, or go into character and be someone else to cope. The unfortunate thing is that it keeps waiting for me. Really, my heavy sessions don't typically last this long. Not that I don't understand.
I've announced my official last day at Tacos to be the 8th, which should give me a medium-sized check Thursday and a biggish check before I take off for Indianapolis on the 17th or 18th. I'll be gone for three weeks, more or less, and when I come back I should have a CDL and a contract with Star transportation. Then I'll be gone for a couple months doing on-the-road training, and after that driving my very own rig. I'll be making decent money for training, and averaging 650 a week (gross) once that's done. Which is way more money than I've ever made before, and will get me out of debt and allow me to surgically alter myself in all the fun ways I've been considering, as well as getting me online with my own system and providing me with some spending money.
I'll be driving for at least a year. This should also help me cope with my wanderlust. Maybe I'll even be happy doing it.
At least I'll have music while I work. That's the best part of jobs outside of retail.
Whatever. I'm done.
Depression is usually accompanied by what I think of as strong bouts of realism: reccurring thoughts of how little I've accomplished, how insignificant I am on various levels, how unlikely I am to ever realize my dreams, etc.
It wouldn't be so bad if I could suspend the thoughts. Instead I have to try to make louder thoughts cover them up, or go into character and be someone else to cope. The unfortunate thing is that it keeps waiting for me. Really, my heavy sessions don't typically last this long. Not that I don't understand.
I've announced my official last day at Tacos to be the 8th, which should give me a medium-sized check Thursday and a biggish check before I take off for Indianapolis on the 17th or 18th. I'll be gone for three weeks, more or less, and when I come back I should have a CDL and a contract with Star transportation. Then I'll be gone for a couple months doing on-the-road training, and after that driving my very own rig. I'll be making decent money for training, and averaging 650 a week (gross) once that's done. Which is way more money than I've ever made before, and will get me out of debt and allow me to surgically alter myself in all the fun ways I've been considering, as well as getting me online with my own system and providing me with some spending money.
I'll be driving for at least a year. This should also help me cope with my wanderlust. Maybe I'll even be happy doing it.
At least I'll have music while I work. That's the best part of jobs outside of retail.
Whatever. I'm done.