Don't hold back, hold nothing back tonight.
slight disappointment and mild amusement have been the consensus feelings for this break, so far. the interesting people that populate the valley are few and far between and the interesting people that visit are even more scarce. austin? well, austin's weird.
i can't help but feel sorry for some of them though - well, that's a lie. on some sort of inner level it's sad, and maybe i should care, but i haven't allowed myself to be in any of thier situations. maybe i got lucky and dodged the 'paranoia' bullet, or maybe i just take care of myself, and myself fisrt. either way, while i wish more people could be as content as i am, i laugh when they're not and feel no remorse in telling them that they just don't 'get it.'
selfish? yes. happy? i am. sorry if you're not - catch up.
i am sorry that i missed her birthday, though. i relish the idea that the "popular kids" don't mind, and quite possibly enjoy my company, but they're just not really my crowd anymore. truly, they never were, i just thought it was where i wanted to be.
i don't blame them, i'm the one that fell off the planet. i honesltly don't even really know the kids i went to high school with (which was very apparent a christmas or two ago - never have i been more drunk, and never for a better reason). i moved away and lost contact with almost everyone. i've made friends, most of whom i consider better, and they, well, didn't.
call me elitist, or lucky, or stupid enough to try something different and you'd be right. but hey, it worked didn't it?
it is funny to hear the drama though. this girl isn't talking to these girls; this guy's an asshole. half the names i don't remember, the other half probably don't remember me. i'd say i'm better off for it - i can barely keep track of my own relationships (i can't say i really try), i don't have the time nor the patience to deal with someone else's bullshit.
and then there's austin - this city is a few wrong turns away from becoming my next houston. everything that happens here, stays here, and i'm not so sure that i'm okay with that. it's like vegas, minus the regretful loss of money - pseudo-dating at its finest. i should scrap this town and start fresh, but that's far from possible (and i'd be out a pretty nice living room set).
people change though, i guess that could be considered a new starting point, but everyone saw the finish a mile away. i can't imagine the next few months not being awkward, but that's always been the case. you live, you learn, unless you're us (too bad the truth's never been that poetic).
oh, but why do i kid myself? we both ran away from home - doesn't say much for our relationships. and we'd botch it all to hell anyway (for reasons that aren't even worth explaining); i'm better off pretending that i'm not just as in love with you as you are with me - if romantic tragidies were popular, we'd be the main attraction.
surely you'll be offended, perhaps only slightly, by this entire post, but i assure you that at this point there's probably five other people in the same boat. you couldn't possibly think i'd spend an hour just talking about you right? no, you're not that vain.
life otherwise? i'm glad you asked. my ego hasn't been stroked enough throughout this post; i'd love to talk about myself for a minute or two.
school: great.
girls (generally): suck.
it's enough for me to think that florida is just another stepping stone towards what i really want, but sometimes it hardly seems worth living through. i can't help but think that valley kids would fit in here. i, on the other hand, am a west coast kid through-and-through. going home is more about finding yours than it is returning to where you were born. trust me, it only takes a few years to realize that you're not a turtle.
i'm still an asshole - i try to remind myself once in a while with posts like these. honesty's a virtue, but most people can't handle it. don't believe me? look in a mirror. like what you see? now let's try not lying. everyone's got something worth changing, it's only a matter of willingness. if we were perfectly happy with ourselves, we (the collective few that read this and i) wouldn't bother with blogs - it's not like i'm going to win a pulitzer.
the whole process is superficial anyway. i'd argue that i'm better in writing, and i am, but truth be told, i'd just rather not be interrupted. and i've got much better things to talk about in person.
and on that note, i've got some people to see - and this text document is becoming duller by the second. it'll be interesting to read the replies, but i can wait. it's so much more satisfying when you do.
-spence
i can't help but feel sorry for some of them though - well, that's a lie. on some sort of inner level it's sad, and maybe i should care, but i haven't allowed myself to be in any of thier situations. maybe i got lucky and dodged the 'paranoia' bullet, or maybe i just take care of myself, and myself fisrt. either way, while i wish more people could be as content as i am, i laugh when they're not and feel no remorse in telling them that they just don't 'get it.'
selfish? yes. happy? i am. sorry if you're not - catch up.
i am sorry that i missed her birthday, though. i relish the idea that the "popular kids" don't mind, and quite possibly enjoy my company, but they're just not really my crowd anymore. truly, they never were, i just thought it was where i wanted to be.
i don't blame them, i'm the one that fell off the planet. i honesltly don't even really know the kids i went to high school with (which was very apparent a christmas or two ago - never have i been more drunk, and never for a better reason). i moved away and lost contact with almost everyone. i've made friends, most of whom i consider better, and they, well, didn't.
call me elitist, or lucky, or stupid enough to try something different and you'd be right. but hey, it worked didn't it?
it is funny to hear the drama though. this girl isn't talking to these girls; this guy's an asshole. half the names i don't remember, the other half probably don't remember me. i'd say i'm better off for it - i can barely keep track of my own relationships (i can't say i really try), i don't have the time nor the patience to deal with someone else's bullshit.
and then there's austin - this city is a few wrong turns away from becoming my next houston. everything that happens here, stays here, and i'm not so sure that i'm okay with that. it's like vegas, minus the regretful loss of money - pseudo-dating at its finest. i should scrap this town and start fresh, but that's far from possible (and i'd be out a pretty nice living room set).
people change though, i guess that could be considered a new starting point, but everyone saw the finish a mile away. i can't imagine the next few months not being awkward, but that's always been the case. you live, you learn, unless you're us (too bad the truth's never been that poetic).
oh, but why do i kid myself? we both ran away from home - doesn't say much for our relationships. and we'd botch it all to hell anyway (for reasons that aren't even worth explaining); i'm better off pretending that i'm not just as in love with you as you are with me - if romantic tragidies were popular, we'd be the main attraction.
surely you'll be offended, perhaps only slightly, by this entire post, but i assure you that at this point there's probably five other people in the same boat. you couldn't possibly think i'd spend an hour just talking about you right? no, you're not that vain.
life otherwise? i'm glad you asked. my ego hasn't been stroked enough throughout this post; i'd love to talk about myself for a minute or two.
school: great.
girls (generally): suck.
it's enough for me to think that florida is just another stepping stone towards what i really want, but sometimes it hardly seems worth living through. i can't help but think that valley kids would fit in here. i, on the other hand, am a west coast kid through-and-through. going home is more about finding yours than it is returning to where you were born. trust me, it only takes a few years to realize that you're not a turtle.
i'm still an asshole - i try to remind myself once in a while with posts like these. honesty's a virtue, but most people can't handle it. don't believe me? look in a mirror. like what you see? now let's try not lying. everyone's got something worth changing, it's only a matter of willingness. if we were perfectly happy with ourselves, we (the collective few that read this and i) wouldn't bother with blogs - it's not like i'm going to win a pulitzer.
the whole process is superficial anyway. i'd argue that i'm better in writing, and i am, but truth be told, i'd just rather not be interrupted. and i've got much better things to talk about in person.
and on that note, i've got some people to see - and this text document is becoming duller by the second. it'll be interesting to read the replies, but i can wait. it's so much more satisfying when you do.
-spence