a man said to the universe
Outwardly I feel like a nothing, a nobody (and have felt so for at least six months) - like I don't DO anything.
Inwardly, I'm asking heavy questions that haven't resolved yet. Usually too embarrassed to tell anyone else about them. (Okay, seriously, I thought I was done being 15... argh!)
Haven't posted much of late, feeling like my life does not presently deserve comment, although if I think on it I realize that's not fair to either myself or the people who've been coloring it. Have been spending a bit more time socially than I'm used to, and it's pleasant but I'm still sort of easing into it. Life at present feels like a new suit that I haven't broken in yet, its collar still stiff, its smell more like some distant factory than like me. Work has been intense, and decent, but still a radical change from the life I imagined I would be living right now.
This will make no sense: I feel as though I have to prove my existence to myself. (See? 15. Slap me if I start posting lousy poetry.)
Yesterday, narrowly avoided death-by-megayacht while kayaking with sickyprincess. I had a great time, perhaps because the gravity of the situation hasn't sunk in. So to speak. I really, really want to do the September full-moon kayak trip if Agua Verde has one; will be in Houston for the August trip.
I'm pleased to have met saavedra77 recently; he's given me an amazing book list (my office is half a block from Elliott Bay Books! *loves*) I'm going to miss art_geek. I'm catsitting Asherah for the next few months. Bella and Asherah have luckily stopped hissing at each other and adopted a snooty sort of passive-aggressiveness: good enough for now.
I haven't spoken to my mother for nearly two weeks. Not happy about it, but it's the lesser of two hurtful, hateful states.
Inwardly, I'm asking heavy questions that haven't resolved yet. Usually too embarrassed to tell anyone else about them. (Okay, seriously, I thought I was done being 15... argh!)
Haven't posted much of late, feeling like my life does not presently deserve comment, although if I think on it I realize that's not fair to either myself or the people who've been coloring it. Have been spending a bit more time socially than I'm used to, and it's pleasant but I'm still sort of easing into it. Life at present feels like a new suit that I haven't broken in yet, its collar still stiff, its smell more like some distant factory than like me. Work has been intense, and decent, but still a radical change from the life I imagined I would be living right now.
This will make no sense: I feel as though I have to prove my existence to myself. (See? 15. Slap me if I start posting lousy poetry.)
Yesterday, narrowly avoided death-by-megayacht while kayaking with sickyprincess. I had a great time, perhaps because the gravity of the situation hasn't sunk in. So to speak. I really, really want to do the September full-moon kayak trip if Agua Verde has one; will be in Houston for the August trip.
I'm pleased to have met saavedra77 recently; he's given me an amazing book list (my office is half a block from Elliott Bay Books! *loves*) I'm going to miss art_geek. I'm catsitting Asherah for the next few months. Bella and Asherah have luckily stopped hissing at each other and adopted a snooty sort of passive-aggressiveness: good enough for now.
I haven't spoken to my mother for nearly two weeks. Not happy about it, but it's the lesser of two hurtful, hateful states.