super bowl sunday

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things are alright, they are normal, they are safe, they are productive. i lead a life right now that is difficult and trying and imperfect but at the same time it is maturing and proactive and successful. i'm not living a dream, nor a nightmare either. the warm weather makes me think of spring, which leads to summer. i've been holding my breathe for summer the entire school year, and all of a sudden i can see it up in the distance. only three months from now. i don't know what it was about last summer or even the previous that spins me up so hard. i get all excited. warm breezes and tans and fans and driving with the windows down and the sun not setting until 9 and balconies and vacations and friends and trips and laughing and rolling and hartford and tisane and money and shopping and sleeping and eating and drinking and laughing laughing laughing smiling smiling... everything good that has happened to me this year has been a product of the person i grew into last summer. everything bad too, though. right now there is no dark horizon looming in the distance. and that includes the school year. since i've relaxed about it i've had such an easier time actually being in the program which has made small amounts of progress artistcally. i still wonder if i even belong on stage but that doesn't derail my bent towards success. i'm not worried about things falling apart anymore. because there is summer still. when me and all my friends can live these highly independant and slightly reckless lives and survive to tell about it. not even physical survival, like emotional too. we do all these things like little adults making their first steps in this world where you can drink legally (finally!) and have a job and balance school work and a checkbook (like i've ever done that)...

oh i don't know what i'm talking about anymore, and i'm getting all rambly. :)