That nagging feeling...
It's true that I earn more now than I did working for my dad. I have less tension, less worry about where or even when the next paycheck is going to come in. But one of the things I really treasure from that job was the relative freedom it gave me. I could work on my schedule, move things around, and as long as work got done, then there was no real concerns.
I got depressed, but outside of that, I just didn't end up being as bone weary tired.
It's been a rather dramatic shift, being a 9-5 drone. The office is nice enough I guess (although there is rather pointless gossip and office politics that all it does is increase stress) but I end up just being completely trashed at the end of the day. It's easier to maintain a break from work/home life, but I find that even when I do end up having a home life, it's mainly me sitting at home, wondering why my eyes burn, and just being kinda passive. It's no wonder television is the balm that the older generation went for. Once you're done for the day, you really don't feel like doing anything else.
Stress is down, worry is down. But overall happiness is down as well. What's the point to having a bunch of extra money if you never have time or energy to do anything with it? It just sits there, being useless. There's a worry that I got to save for the future, but what future is there to save for if I'm miserable now?
Other factor is, to seriously cash in on this job, I would have to be doing it for 5 years. What does it say when I already feel like clawing my eyes out in exasperation after 7 months? And I doubt that they'd let me turn into a telecommuter.
Maybe.
But the urge to just dump everything and put my pack on my back and just walk away from it is getting to be overbearing. I've wondered about just walking out into the parking lot and never looking back.
Yuppie trash I am, and I'm wasting perfectly good time. And I can't help but feel it's all rather...pointless.
But wouldn't anything, at this point?
Am I just a waste of space? Of time? Of being?
I got depressed, but outside of that, I just didn't end up being as bone weary tired.
It's been a rather dramatic shift, being a 9-5 drone. The office is nice enough I guess (although there is rather pointless gossip and office politics that all it does is increase stress) but I end up just being completely trashed at the end of the day. It's easier to maintain a break from work/home life, but I find that even when I do end up having a home life, it's mainly me sitting at home, wondering why my eyes burn, and just being kinda passive. It's no wonder television is the balm that the older generation went for. Once you're done for the day, you really don't feel like doing anything else.
Stress is down, worry is down. But overall happiness is down as well. What's the point to having a bunch of extra money if you never have time or energy to do anything with it? It just sits there, being useless. There's a worry that I got to save for the future, but what future is there to save for if I'm miserable now?
Other factor is, to seriously cash in on this job, I would have to be doing it for 5 years. What does it say when I already feel like clawing my eyes out in exasperation after 7 months? And I doubt that they'd let me turn into a telecommuter.
Maybe.
But the urge to just dump everything and put my pack on my back and just walk away from it is getting to be overbearing. I've wondered about just walking out into the parking lot and never looking back.
Yuppie trash I am, and I'm wasting perfectly good time. And I can't help but feel it's all rather...pointless.
But wouldn't anything, at this point?
Am I just a waste of space? Of time? Of being?