Time to let go
I think I'm almost ready to let go. I'm dancing around the edges of the reality.
I talked with one of my best friends today who was also experiencing some grief this time last year when several of her friends graduated from her degree program. They left, but she stayed at the school and is working here full time. She admitted that she mourned losing them so much that it made it more difficult for her to enjoy graduation and warned me about making the same mistake.
I'll try; I really will. It's just odd to be staying here another year. Really, I should be going with the rest of my friends...not that we're all finishing at the same time, but I'm very much to the point of tired of being an intern, a student, a "not yet." So many miles to go, but I want it to be brought into existence now.
Staying here another year makes sense; the Christian Ed degree makes sense. It gives me more time to make connections, learn more and find new skills. However, it's also just strange to be graduating but not leaving.
I am, however, almost ready to let go. One of my friends wrote to me recently something to the effect of "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few." We can't hold on to every wonderful person who walks into our lives and think that we can somehow claim them for our own, make their choices or set their direction. What a mistake it would be to hold on to people so much that we destroy the work God is doing in their lives.
I just have to trust that the friends and colleagues I need will be there when I need them to be. Incredible people will continue to walk into my life, not because of who I am or what I've done, but because God is working in so many ways and always provides. I really do believe that God prepares ways for us. Granted, I'm pretty good at throwing hissy fits and shaking my fist in the air, but it's always been true that I've never wanted for friends to love.
I am thankful for the time I've spent with them. Even as I fight the urge to say goodbye, I will keep reminding myself that they are not mine to claim. Their lives will be for something greater. Their ministries will transform the world: Barb, Donald, Wiley, Jenny, Krystal, Ashley, Kristina.
I talked with one of my best friends today who was also experiencing some grief this time last year when several of her friends graduated from her degree program. They left, but she stayed at the school and is working here full time. She admitted that she mourned losing them so much that it made it more difficult for her to enjoy graduation and warned me about making the same mistake.
I'll try; I really will. It's just odd to be staying here another year. Really, I should be going with the rest of my friends...not that we're all finishing at the same time, but I'm very much to the point of tired of being an intern, a student, a "not yet." So many miles to go, but I want it to be brought into existence now.
Staying here another year makes sense; the Christian Ed degree makes sense. It gives me more time to make connections, learn more and find new skills. However, it's also just strange to be graduating but not leaving.
I am, however, almost ready to let go. One of my friends wrote to me recently something to the effect of "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few." We can't hold on to every wonderful person who walks into our lives and think that we can somehow claim them for our own, make their choices or set their direction. What a mistake it would be to hold on to people so much that we destroy the work God is doing in their lives.
I just have to trust that the friends and colleagues I need will be there when I need them to be. Incredible people will continue to walk into my life, not because of who I am or what I've done, but because God is working in so many ways and always provides. I really do believe that God prepares ways for us. Granted, I'm pretty good at throwing hissy fits and shaking my fist in the air, but it's always been true that I've never wanted for friends to love.
I am thankful for the time I've spent with them. Even as I fight the urge to say goodbye, I will keep reminding myself that they are not mine to claim. Their lives will be for something greater. Their ministries will transform the world: Barb, Donald, Wiley, Jenny, Krystal, Ashley, Kristina.