bee doo bee doo
im sitting here with a whole bunch of paint stuck underneath my stubby finger nails. My fingernails are stubby because i can't stand long nails, and i've got paint underneath them because i painted t-shirts today. I tried with the face paint, but after failing to figure out how to paint a soccer ball, i decided t-shirts were for me.
I went to the relay for life event today for most of the day, and since i turn into an absolute monster in the morning (kind of like shrek, except in the morning, or swan lake, except nothing like a swan, or, to make it an even more stupid allusion, like those mummy creatures in the full moon, but without the full moon, in pirates of the caribbean) and i'd lose the few friends i have if i stayed there, i decided to come home. While there, i accidentally meandered into the boys' locker room. I was going to wash sponges, and i went into the first locker room i saw becuase i knew there were bathrooms there. i walked into the bathroom and decided it had a few extra things, and the man on the bathroom door was missing his skirt, and then i heard someone coming in the locker room. I pulled a james bond (or a shrek, a swan, or a mummy creature) and headed out as fast as my stubby legs (and fingernails) could carry me without being seen.
i also remembered a few people i will not miss not seeing next year.
this week i also went camping in "the great outdoors" at carpinteria. I forgot a brush and someone forgot the sun while i was there, but there were plenty of dead jellyfish to go around. Nevertheless, it was a lot of fun playing games i can't play, eating a lot of food, and walking around with the many smart people there. oh, and squishing pennies on the railroad tracks. me and stacy used to do that. we also used to play handball together and play the neverending bicycle ride, but i guess that isn't saying much for our intelligence.
nothing else really happened. i did go to lowe's again. The last time i went was to pick up some hardwood, and my conversation went something like this:
me: "excuse me, could you tell me where this brand is on the shelf"
man: "it's over here"
me: "ok, thanks"
man: "do you know if you need the natural or the burnt?"
me: "oh, it's not on this paper?" as i wave around a paper my mom gave to me
man: "no."
me: "i'll just call my mom and ask then"
man: "yeah, you dont look like the type of person who would know."
yes. i dont look like the type of person who'd know. i dont mean to brag, but i could have told him that i was helping my mom put it down, that you need a styrofoam mat underneath it, that this wood i was looking for was actually not a completely pure form, it was a whole bunch of different wood put together, and i could have told him which wood is harder than others, but i naturally didnt look like the type. so this time when i went to lowe's, i knew something similar would happen.
man: hello how are you?
me: fine, how are you?
man: good, how are you? (yes, he said it twice)
me: fine, where are the chuck keys?
man: chuck keys?
me: to loosen electric drill things?
man: oh, ok, MAYBE in the section over here...i can't find it...nope, not here...
me: oh, here they are
man: oh, yeah, good job, there are lots of sizes. I bet you dont know which size you need, do you
despite the blatant lack of faith displayed by the employees of places like this in species like me who are set apart by some evidently distinguishable characteristics noticeable to everyone except those afflicted by the symptoms, i actually like going to stores like home depot and lowe's. i really like the smell there, that's basically my only reason i like going there. i would make a scratch and sniff sticker: one with the homedepot logo, another lowe's, andother...oh, i dont know other lumber-like stores like that.
now im considering going to bed. i've got a funny feeling in the back of my throat kind of, or front of my head? i ate some honey-orange almonds, and after the first three, i realized i am not supposed to be eating this. it reminded me greatly of the sugary pistachios. i always make hte mistake of eating these coated nuts, and then realize that in fact they all have the same smell that is not pleasant for me. are pistachios nuts though? walNUTS...almond NUTS...but somehow pistachios never were pistachio NUTS...just pistachios...the word kind of left lingering by itself without a definite NUT added at the end. oh nuts, i sound like an idiot.
I went to the relay for life event today for most of the day, and since i turn into an absolute monster in the morning (kind of like shrek, except in the morning, or swan lake, except nothing like a swan, or, to make it an even more stupid allusion, like those mummy creatures in the full moon, but without the full moon, in pirates of the caribbean) and i'd lose the few friends i have if i stayed there, i decided to come home. While there, i accidentally meandered into the boys' locker room. I was going to wash sponges, and i went into the first locker room i saw becuase i knew there were bathrooms there. i walked into the bathroom and decided it had a few extra things, and the man on the bathroom door was missing his skirt, and then i heard someone coming in the locker room. I pulled a james bond (or a shrek, a swan, or a mummy creature) and headed out as fast as my stubby legs (and fingernails) could carry me without being seen.
i also remembered a few people i will not miss not seeing next year.
this week i also went camping in "the great outdoors" at carpinteria. I forgot a brush and someone forgot the sun while i was there, but there were plenty of dead jellyfish to go around. Nevertheless, it was a lot of fun playing games i can't play, eating a lot of food, and walking around with the many smart people there. oh, and squishing pennies on the railroad tracks. me and stacy used to do that. we also used to play handball together and play the neverending bicycle ride, but i guess that isn't saying much for our intelligence.
nothing else really happened. i did go to lowe's again. The last time i went was to pick up some hardwood, and my conversation went something like this:
me: "excuse me, could you tell me where this brand is on the shelf"
man: "it's over here"
me: "ok, thanks"
man: "do you know if you need the natural or the burnt?"
me: "oh, it's not on this paper?" as i wave around a paper my mom gave to me
man: "no."
me: "i'll just call my mom and ask then"
man: "yeah, you dont look like the type of person who would know."
yes. i dont look like the type of person who'd know. i dont mean to brag, but i could have told him that i was helping my mom put it down, that you need a styrofoam mat underneath it, that this wood i was looking for was actually not a completely pure form, it was a whole bunch of different wood put together, and i could have told him which wood is harder than others, but i naturally didnt look like the type. so this time when i went to lowe's, i knew something similar would happen.
man: hello how are you?
me: fine, how are you?
man: good, how are you? (yes, he said it twice)
me: fine, where are the chuck keys?
man: chuck keys?
me: to loosen electric drill things?
man: oh, ok, MAYBE in the section over here...i can't find it...nope, not here...
me: oh, here they are
man: oh, yeah, good job, there are lots of sizes. I bet you dont know which size you need, do you
despite the blatant lack of faith displayed by the employees of places like this in species like me who are set apart by some evidently distinguishable characteristics noticeable to everyone except those afflicted by the symptoms, i actually like going to stores like home depot and lowe's. i really like the smell there, that's basically my only reason i like going there. i would make a scratch and sniff sticker: one with the homedepot logo, another lowe's, andother...oh, i dont know other lumber-like stores like that.
now im considering going to bed. i've got a funny feeling in the back of my throat kind of, or front of my head? i ate some honey-orange almonds, and after the first three, i realized i am not supposed to be eating this. it reminded me greatly of the sugary pistachios. i always make hte mistake of eating these coated nuts, and then realize that in fact they all have the same smell that is not pleasant for me. are pistachios nuts though? walNUTS...almond NUTS...but somehow pistachios never were pistachio NUTS...just pistachios...the word kind of left lingering by itself without a definite NUT added at the end. oh nuts, i sound like an idiot.