I Feel Brain Dead Sometimes...
So much has been going on and I’ve just been too tired and lazy to write. I keep thinking up lines, sentences and scenes in my head, but none of it has reached the printed page until now.
I haven’t focused on anything for the ‘zine yet. I have various scribblings and such, but I don’t know exactly what I want to do. I feel as if I can’t think straight anymore. My mind doesn’t have that constant hunger for self-expression or the urge to drip my emotions onto a page or canvas. I feel like this blank empty person just like the person that I never wanted to be.
I finally explored the Brooklyn Library got a Brooklyn Library Access Card. I hung out in Prospect Park and found a perfectly sturdy branch that wound up separated from a tree. It makes a good walking stick. I’m going to strip the bark and personalize it.
The bass guitar and amp package that TJ got me as a late birthday present arrived right on time. It is a solid, beautiful Johnson bass with a sunburst finish. I’ve been fiddling around with it, but I really want to learn some good techniques and exercises. Maybe I will try one of those bass guitar instructors that I always see listed in the Village Voice.
I got to hang with some people from work (Halloween Adventure). I played bar trivia at American Spirits with Tiffany, Emily, Kylee, Sean (he had to leave the bar because he didn’t have an i.d.) and TJ. Work was stressful so it felt good to hang out, relax and have a couple of drinks. I didn’t get home until 3 a.m. the next morning. I miss those kind of nights.
I’ve been extra depressed and frustrated for a long while. I hate that I’m not making any progress with trying to save money for school or finding a better paying job that doesn’t involve so much chaos and bullshit. I miss having a job where I feel as if I am actually doing something and making some advancement. I’ve been working at Halloween Adventure for a little over a year now and I feel like a fucking robot. Things get done because they have to get done. It’s the same day-to-day crap: merchandise, customers, loud intercoms, pointless arguments and minimal (if any) respect and appreciation. This job is very tiring and I have been so over it for the longest time. I’m just seeing what I can do next. That’s why I’m doing this Workforce 1 Career Center program at LaGuardia Community College. They assist people with finding a job that fits them, something they are interested in doing. The only thing that I like about working at Halloween Adventure is having friendly relations with my coworkers. This is the first job where I’ve had this opportunity. That is the main part that I’m going to miss, but I need to find something better so that I can regain my regular self. I don’t feel like myself at all. I’m this empty void that just gets up and goes to work in the morning no matter how I feel. I work because I have rent and bills to pay. If only I could win $100,000.00. I’d pay off a few month’s rent and utilities, pay off all my debts, pay for the rest of Diana’s transition, make some investments, take a vacation, go to some concerts, revamp all my creative projects, give myself a makeover and get my degree (or two).
I haven’t focused on anything for the ‘zine yet. I have various scribblings and such, but I don’t know exactly what I want to do. I feel as if I can’t think straight anymore. My mind doesn’t have that constant hunger for self-expression or the urge to drip my emotions onto a page or canvas. I feel like this blank empty person just like the person that I never wanted to be.
I finally explored the Brooklyn Library got a Brooklyn Library Access Card. I hung out in Prospect Park and found a perfectly sturdy branch that wound up separated from a tree. It makes a good walking stick. I’m going to strip the bark and personalize it.
The bass guitar and amp package that TJ got me as a late birthday present arrived right on time. It is a solid, beautiful Johnson bass with a sunburst finish. I’ve been fiddling around with it, but I really want to learn some good techniques and exercises. Maybe I will try one of those bass guitar instructors that I always see listed in the Village Voice.
I got to hang with some people from work (Halloween Adventure). I played bar trivia at American Spirits with Tiffany, Emily, Kylee, Sean (he had to leave the bar because he didn’t have an i.d.) and TJ. Work was stressful so it felt good to hang out, relax and have a couple of drinks. I didn’t get home until 3 a.m. the next morning. I miss those kind of nights.
I’ve been extra depressed and frustrated for a long while. I hate that I’m not making any progress with trying to save money for school or finding a better paying job that doesn’t involve so much chaos and bullshit. I miss having a job where I feel as if I am actually doing something and making some advancement. I’ve been working at Halloween Adventure for a little over a year now and I feel like a fucking robot. Things get done because they have to get done. It’s the same day-to-day crap: merchandise, customers, loud intercoms, pointless arguments and minimal (if any) respect and appreciation. This job is very tiring and I have been so over it for the longest time. I’m just seeing what I can do next. That’s why I’m doing this Workforce 1 Career Center program at LaGuardia Community College. They assist people with finding a job that fits them, something they are interested in doing. The only thing that I like about working at Halloween Adventure is having friendly relations with my coworkers. This is the first job where I’ve had this opportunity. That is the main part that I’m going to miss, but I need to find something better so that I can regain my regular self. I don’t feel like myself at all. I’m this empty void that just gets up and goes to work in the morning no matter how I feel. I work because I have rent and bills to pay. If only I could win $100,000.00. I’d pay off a few month’s rent and utilities, pay off all my debts, pay for the rest of Diana’s transition, make some investments, take a vacation, go to some concerts, revamp all my creative projects, give myself a makeover and get my degree (or two).