(no subject)
I was walking back to the office from the courthouse this morning and it was wet and muggy out, with a hint of exhaust lingering in the air, and it made me think of Colombia. I closed my eyes and realized that with the trucks driving by, cars changing lanes and horns honking I felt like I was in Sogamoso. Everything, the entire atmosphere was soaked with recognition and the longing to be somewhere that I wasn't. While normally I know to most people the smell of exhaust, the sound of semi's and the humid air doesn't do much other than make you want to go inside, for me it carries a sense of belonging, of home, of my family.
Growing up I never had much sense of my own ethnic identity and it has only been in recent years that I have come to appreciate my heritage and how it defines me. Not define me in a way that boxes me in, but define me as a facet, an important facet of my life, my personality, my morals/way of thinking, and how I relate/interact with people. While before being Hispanic was something I ran from now it is something that I embrace.
I love being Latina and I love that my family is from Colombia. I love salsa music and caldo de papa and tinto and talking in Spanish and being with my Hispanic family. Maybe because my mother doesn't really speak to anyone in her family I found myself searching for a family tree to connect to and what was left was my father's. I know it bothers my mother sometimes that I can so quickly appreciate, love, and defend my Colombian family, but the truth is they are a part of me, an integral and important part of my life and who I am.
They love without condition, have fiery tempers, an insane (and totally wicked awesome) need to drink coffee (and good coffee at that, come on people, none of this Starbucks stuff, lol!), fierce loyalty to their family and country and they give you such a sense of warmth and belonging when you are with them. They are my abuelo, tias and tios, primos and primas and amigos and amigas. I am a Cardenas. (And proud of it! :) )