My myomas are back...
Oh yes... they’re back, those damned myomas. As many of you probably remember I’d removed 10 myomas at 2004, but they were seen during a ultrasonography last year. There were 3 of them, really small, and my gyno had already warned me that eventually they'd be back so I didn't pay too much attention. However, I knew I'd have to find myself a new gyno at Brasília. So I did that, and she asked me to have a new ultrasonography.
And there they were, four myomas, and one of them was quite big: 5 cm. Ok, it's not that big, but last year the three of them were about 3 cm, so one of them grew up 2 cm in just one year. Comparing to my past experience it was quite a bad surprise, since last time they grew like that along 3 years before the surgery, and now in one year one of them decided to grew in that speed!!!
I went back to her office to show results and guess what? Her first reaction was "Well, they're big, I think we should remove everything". I didn't understand: remove everything? What did she mean by "everything"? "Everything" includes my womb? Wait, was she intending to remove my womb too?????????????????????????? Hell, yes, that was her idea. She wasn't thinking in a simple myomectomy, she wanted an hysterectomy - WTF, the last time my wonderful gyno removed only the myomas and left my womb inside me!!! I started complaining that I don't have kids and maybe someday I'll want them - after all I'm only 35!!! Besides the myomas are outside the womb, which indicates the myomectomy wouldn't be that difficult to perform. She wasn't all that happy with my considerations but agreed that we should wait a little, also because my health insurance wouldn't pay this surgery right now, I'll have to wait until next May to have it - if it was something life-threatening they would pay, but myomas don't become a cancer, so I'll have to wait.
Whatever, we decided to wait and I left her office in a kind of trance. I mean, I went to supermarket to buy things Mother has asked me and drove home, but I don't remember doing that. During all that time I was thinking about having kids and how I never really paid attention to that, and how the possibility of losing my womb would prevent me of becoming pregnant. Well, suddenly I wanted to have my own baby, go figure.
After arriving home my parents wanted to know what she'd said, and I started crying while telling them the news. Mother wanted to go there and beat her to death for being so rude and suggesting the most radical procedure at first place, instead of thinking about all other possibilities. After that she phoned to my cousin, who once had a similar diagnosis but found a good doctor who kept her womb and removed only her myomas. She also found another 3 doctors who could help me to decided what to do.
It happened at October 1st, my very fist day of vacation, and obviously I saw it as a bad omen (well, Grandma’s situation kind of made it true). Anyway I went to just another gyno and really liked her because she's just like my Niterói doctor, a decent older woman who seems to know what she's doing and told me it wouldn't be necessary to remove the womb, she gave me some drugs that will make them grow slowly until next year, when I'll be able finally to remove them. She also said I'm too young, I'll have another 10 years to decide to have a baby or not, which made me very happy. Since they're outside the womb, and not inside, she didn't see any reason to remove the entire thing - just like my Niterói doctor said, I send her copies of test results and she told me the same thing.
I'm quite surprised with myself, I'd never really though about having kids but the simple idea of not being able to become pregnant was unbearable. I know that this life I'm leaving, without a real boyfriend/husband, won't get me pregnant anytime soon, so if I want a family I'll have to change it. In fact I'm a little afraid of becoming a mother, I don't know if I'd be a good one. Probably I'll never be a wonderful mother as mine is, and maybe that's what really scares me...
And there they were, four myomas, and one of them was quite big: 5 cm. Ok, it's not that big, but last year the three of them were about 3 cm, so one of them grew up 2 cm in just one year. Comparing to my past experience it was quite a bad surprise, since last time they grew like that along 3 years before the surgery, and now in one year one of them decided to grew in that speed!!!
I went back to her office to show results and guess what? Her first reaction was "Well, they're big, I think we should remove everything". I didn't understand: remove everything? What did she mean by "everything"? "Everything" includes my womb? Wait, was she intending to remove my womb too?????????????????????????? Hell, yes, that was her idea. She wasn't thinking in a simple myomectomy, she wanted an hysterectomy - WTF, the last time my wonderful gyno removed only the myomas and left my womb inside me!!! I started complaining that I don't have kids and maybe someday I'll want them - after all I'm only 35!!! Besides the myomas are outside the womb, which indicates the myomectomy wouldn't be that difficult to perform. She wasn't all that happy with my considerations but agreed that we should wait a little, also because my health insurance wouldn't pay this surgery right now, I'll have to wait until next May to have it - if it was something life-threatening they would pay, but myomas don't become a cancer, so I'll have to wait.
Whatever, we decided to wait and I left her office in a kind of trance. I mean, I went to supermarket to buy things Mother has asked me and drove home, but I don't remember doing that. During all that time I was thinking about having kids and how I never really paid attention to that, and how the possibility of losing my womb would prevent me of becoming pregnant. Well, suddenly I wanted to have my own baby, go figure.
After arriving home my parents wanted to know what she'd said, and I started crying while telling them the news. Mother wanted to go there and beat her to death for being so rude and suggesting the most radical procedure at first place, instead of thinking about all other possibilities. After that she phoned to my cousin, who once had a similar diagnosis but found a good doctor who kept her womb and removed only her myomas. She also found another 3 doctors who could help me to decided what to do.
It happened at October 1st, my very fist day of vacation, and obviously I saw it as a bad omen (well, Grandma’s situation kind of made it true). Anyway I went to just another gyno and really liked her because she's just like my Niterói doctor, a decent older woman who seems to know what she's doing and told me it wouldn't be necessary to remove the womb, she gave me some drugs that will make them grow slowly until next year, when I'll be able finally to remove them. She also said I'm too young, I'll have another 10 years to decide to have a baby or not, which made me very happy. Since they're outside the womb, and not inside, she didn't see any reason to remove the entire thing - just like my Niterói doctor said, I send her copies of test results and she told me the same thing.
I'm quite surprised with myself, I'd never really though about having kids but the simple idea of not being able to become pregnant was unbearable. I know that this life I'm leaving, without a real boyfriend/husband, won't get me pregnant anytime soon, so if I want a family I'll have to change it. In fact I'm a little afraid of becoming a mother, I don't know if I'd be a good one. Probably I'll never be a wonderful mother as mine is, and maybe that's what really scares me...