Updates.
Hello, it's been a while. Since I know that nobody reads this, I will post here for a while. I would post anywhere else, but nobody wants to hear me complain.
Although honestly, I've been a great fucking sport about everything going on in my life.
I've tried to not express myself emotionally to anyone.
I've tried to not speak, at all.
I've put up with having to be around my ex-girlfriend almost ALL THE FUCKING TIME because everyone is such fucking close friends with her.
Even though they ALL complain about her ALL THE TIME.
I wouldn't mind her so much, if I wasn't so butthurt about her.
"Just get over it duh"
Yeah, I was getting over it until she moved in across the fucking hallway, and then moved into the building altogether, and fucking was around all the time.
I was until I had to run into every SINGLE ONE OF HER FAGGOT BOYFRIENDS ALL THE FUCKING TIME.
It'd be easier if all her FAGGOT boyfriends weren't close friends with people who I consider close.
Or if people stopped fucking talking about all her shit around me.
I DON'T CARE about what she's been up to. I don't want to know.
OR INVITING HER TO MY FUCKING PARTIES AND MY FUCKING HOUSE.
YOU DON'T BELONG HERE ANYMORE. YOU'RE A STRANGER TO ME.
Seriously, she gives me horrible vibes. I think the worst of it started after running into her while I was tripping.
But I do sometimes weep, GAAAAAAYYYYY.
In my defense, it's anger or frustration. It'd be easier if she got all gross and ugly too.
But that'll never happen to her.
Honestly, since that whole break up thing happened I haven't really been the same.
I've slept with various females for the past year or so since the break up.
But I don't feel satisfied at all.
Although, it is kind of cool to get to be involved with almost everyone I've ever lusted after.
But they usually try to come back, and I've had to ignore a vast amount of people recently.
Whenever we get emotionally attached to each other in any way, I can't help but destroy the relationship.
I think I've made a lot of people sad through that, including myself.
I think I don't want to feel love anymore. Anytime I get close to feeling love, I become violently ill.
I do horrible things to nice people.
I need to do nice things, and be happy for fucking once.
But my chemically imbalanced brain keeps confusing me.
June is a symbolically powerful and emotionally destructive month for me.
I keep dwelling on the passing of my friend Glenn, who died last year around this time
My best-friend and roommate moved out recently, and I've had to pay the rent alone.
Which leaves me out an extra 400 dollars.
He was stability, and was capable of making my incoherent mind very coherent.
He knows me really well, and gave me good advice about everything.
He's one of the few people I truly trust, and he's gone! Oh well.
The closest thing I've had to a real relationship is moving away too. I don't know if I'm relieved or not.
I'm afraid of doing something awful to ruin things. I haven't done anything stupid yet. But fuck. FUCK.
I'm fighting the urge to be a monster. I can't help being who I am though. I should feel bad, and I do. But I don't. About anything anymore.
Everybody who could have helped my mental state is disappearing.
This boy keeps trying to get into contact with me, but I must resist.
Same with this other gal. Must resist.
Nothing will be left but me and temptation, constantly in my face.
I think I'm obsessed with some of my friends, and find myself dreaming about them longingly.
Weeiird. They must never know, lest I be ostracized.
I can't read numbers properly, it's annoying.
I don't remember that many things anymore, it's annoying.
I see things that aren't there, it's annoying.
I hear things that aren't there, it's really fucking annoying.
I feel like I keep reliving the same day, over and over again.
I find myself repeating myself a million times a day, it's annoying.
Maybe I need to get away.
I'd rather just do some lines though, it'd make me feel normal.
Nah, I'd rather just hang myself.
Just kidding, I don't. I'm fine. Everything is fine. Always. Forever. Until the day I die. Then it's superfiiiinnnee.
Although honestly, I've been a great fucking sport about everything going on in my life.
I've tried to not express myself emotionally to anyone.
I've tried to not speak, at all.
I've put up with having to be around my ex-girlfriend almost ALL THE FUCKING TIME because everyone is such fucking close friends with her.
Even though they ALL complain about her ALL THE TIME.
I wouldn't mind her so much, if I wasn't so butthurt about her.
"Just get over it duh"
Yeah, I was getting over it until she moved in across the fucking hallway, and then moved into the building altogether, and fucking was around all the time.
I was until I had to run into every SINGLE ONE OF HER FAGGOT BOYFRIENDS ALL THE FUCKING TIME.
It'd be easier if all her FAGGOT boyfriends weren't close friends with people who I consider close.
Or if people stopped fucking talking about all her shit around me.
I DON'T CARE about what she's been up to. I don't want to know.
OR INVITING HER TO MY FUCKING PARTIES AND MY FUCKING HOUSE.
YOU DON'T BELONG HERE ANYMORE. YOU'RE A STRANGER TO ME.
Seriously, she gives me horrible vibes. I think the worst of it started after running into her while I was tripping.
But I do sometimes weep, GAAAAAAYYYYY.
In my defense, it's anger or frustration. It'd be easier if she got all gross and ugly too.
But that'll never happen to her.
Honestly, since that whole break up thing happened I haven't really been the same.
I've slept with various females for the past year or so since the break up.
But I don't feel satisfied at all.
Although, it is kind of cool to get to be involved with almost everyone I've ever lusted after.
But they usually try to come back, and I've had to ignore a vast amount of people recently.
Whenever we get emotionally attached to each other in any way, I can't help but destroy the relationship.
I think I've made a lot of people sad through that, including myself.
I think I don't want to feel love anymore. Anytime I get close to feeling love, I become violently ill.
I do horrible things to nice people.
I need to do nice things, and be happy for fucking once.
But my chemically imbalanced brain keeps confusing me.
June is a symbolically powerful and emotionally destructive month for me.
I keep dwelling on the passing of my friend Glenn, who died last year around this time
My best-friend and roommate moved out recently, and I've had to pay the rent alone.
Which leaves me out an extra 400 dollars.
He was stability, and was capable of making my incoherent mind very coherent.
He knows me really well, and gave me good advice about everything.
He's one of the few people I truly trust, and he's gone! Oh well.
The closest thing I've had to a real relationship is moving away too. I don't know if I'm relieved or not.
I'm afraid of doing something awful to ruin things. I haven't done anything stupid yet. But fuck. FUCK.
I'm fighting the urge to be a monster. I can't help being who I am though. I should feel bad, and I do. But I don't. About anything anymore.
Everybody who could have helped my mental state is disappearing.
This boy keeps trying to get into contact with me, but I must resist.
Same with this other gal. Must resist.
Nothing will be left but me and temptation, constantly in my face.
I think I'm obsessed with some of my friends, and find myself dreaming about them longingly.
Weeiird. They must never know, lest I be ostracized.
I can't read numbers properly, it's annoying.
I don't remember that many things anymore, it's annoying.
I see things that aren't there, it's annoying.
I hear things that aren't there, it's really fucking annoying.
I feel like I keep reliving the same day, over and over again.
I find myself repeating myself a million times a day, it's annoying.
Maybe I need to get away.
I'd rather just do some lines though, it'd make me feel normal.
Nah, I'd rather just hang myself.
Just kidding, I don't. I'm fine. Everything is fine. Always. Forever. Until the day I die. Then it's superfiiiinnnee.