Life not as simple as it looks for me
I try to make my life look as simple for people to see, but to me its a juggle of my sanity.
How did i get myself juggling 7 different circles of friends and family
4 set of lives
1 love (which i am more than grateful of having)
and 1 of me?
I wish so bad i can mix these different colored clays into one piece, one color.
But a dream i live in, a world i can never have.
But i must make the most of it.
I hate my family! But i love them still? I live with them still...
I have become what i hate?
i try to change, suppress these demons which confuse me
the medicine? alcohol to slow the rate my brain works at...
but how much until i kill myself?
Friend's lives i envy/jealous, lives i could never have
but i don't regret mine?
i don't hate mine but i do?
I miss the feeling of warmth from love, but i don't have it at home
it's awfully cold in here
i cant believe i am one of them
i am totally different from them
or am i the same?
are they the type, that suppressed everything to the point they don't feel?
it was only a year ago i was cold, distant, cruel, devious
now it's the craving to be in a place the heart can stay warm
though i get that through my friends and especially from my partner Bryce
it seems not enough, greedy i am, that feeling of ecstasy
it made it to the point, friends are more important to me then family
cruel and neglecting as it may be, my parents grew in a world of cruelty
which i am sadden which they had to go through, but
they forgotten to trust people, they rely on family, a secured branch
"it should only be family" they say, but what about the individual?
the individual from the family, does he not have a voice to say?
a burden to carry and to be past to the child, with the thinking of
what is in the best interest for the child
other than
what is in the best interest of the child?
i grow tired of thinking about this, i know i'm not the only one that went through this, and i presume we all went through it, but the question is do we repeat ourselves? Is history really one big circle? Are we really evolved? Am i hating myself too much... (i think not enough)
How did i get myself juggling 7 different circles of friends and family
4 set of lives
1 love (which i am more than grateful of having)
and 1 of me?
I wish so bad i can mix these different colored clays into one piece, one color.
But a dream i live in, a world i can never have.
But i must make the most of it.
I hate my family! But i love them still? I live with them still...
I have become what i hate?
i try to change, suppress these demons which confuse me
the medicine? alcohol to slow the rate my brain works at...
but how much until i kill myself?
Friend's lives i envy/jealous, lives i could never have
but i don't regret mine?
i don't hate mine but i do?
I miss the feeling of warmth from love, but i don't have it at home
it's awfully cold in here
i cant believe i am one of them
i am totally different from them
or am i the same?
are they the type, that suppressed everything to the point they don't feel?
it was only a year ago i was cold, distant, cruel, devious
now it's the craving to be in a place the heart can stay warm
though i get that through my friends and especially from my partner Bryce
it seems not enough, greedy i am, that feeling of ecstasy
it made it to the point, friends are more important to me then family
cruel and neglecting as it may be, my parents grew in a world of cruelty
which i am sadden which they had to go through, but
they forgotten to trust people, they rely on family, a secured branch
"it should only be family" they say, but what about the individual?
the individual from the family, does he not have a voice to say?
a burden to carry and to be past to the child, with the thinking of
what is in the best interest for the child
other than
what is in the best interest of the child?
i grow tired of thinking about this, i know i'm not the only one that went through this, and i presume we all went through it, but the question is do we repeat ourselves? Is history really one big circle? Are we really evolved? Am i hating myself too much... (i think not enough)