Flannel Panic
I can't find my flannel at the moment, and i spent a good 20 minutes rummaging around practically everywhere i might have left it.
This may sound petty and unimportant, but i'm *very* disproportionately upset about it. I've been having a think about various things as a result, and if i'm not getting better psychologically, i think i am at least getting a better handle on the problem.
Its late, and i really don't have the emotional energy to go into this in any depth, but i want to, so please poke me to come back and edit this when i have a chance to do it more thoroughly.
Suffice to say that i'm not well, psychologically. There's something very wrong about the way i live my life, the way i process things, and make plans. The way i percieve the world, make decisions, and treat my friends. It's been wrong for a very long time, probably as long as anyone reading this has *known* me. Probably longer.
I have coping mechanisms, things that help me feel okay, and they're very effective. I really haven't spent the last five years throughly depressed, or not enjoying myself at all. But a powerfull coping mechanism isn't the same thing as living my life the way i want to live it, and it's going to take a lot of work, and a long time, before i'm really okay.
But i will be, i KNOW i will, because i'm smart enough to work things out. I really am very clever, and i've got reserves of strength that none of you have ever seen. And if i've managed to live my life this well with such massive problems, just think what i'll achieve when i'm in peak condition.
Watch out world. Dougal's coming.
This may sound petty and unimportant, but i'm *very* disproportionately upset about it. I've been having a think about various things as a result, and if i'm not getting better psychologically, i think i am at least getting a better handle on the problem.
Its late, and i really don't have the emotional energy to go into this in any depth, but i want to, so please poke me to come back and edit this when i have a chance to do it more thoroughly.
Suffice to say that i'm not well, psychologically. There's something very wrong about the way i live my life, the way i process things, and make plans. The way i percieve the world, make decisions, and treat my friends. It's been wrong for a very long time, probably as long as anyone reading this has *known* me. Probably longer.
I have coping mechanisms, things that help me feel okay, and they're very effective. I really haven't spent the last five years throughly depressed, or not enjoying myself at all. But a powerfull coping mechanism isn't the same thing as living my life the way i want to live it, and it's going to take a lot of work, and a long time, before i'm really okay.
But i will be, i KNOW i will, because i'm smart enough to work things out. I really am very clever, and i've got reserves of strength that none of you have ever seen. And if i've managed to live my life this well with such massive problems, just think what i'll achieve when i'm in peak condition.
Watch out world. Dougal's coming.