intoxication and love
I can't believe how many responses I had to the dread timeline. I didn't post it fishing for compliments... but it really feels great to have that many people tell you you're pretty or that your lifestyle looks like fun. It was really nice especially considering the night before last night was really quite terrible. It started off ok - I went to Motha Naitch's for a party but I kinda accidentally smoked alot more pot and drank alot more wine than I realized and ended up pretty fucked by accident. I passed out in Tom's room for a couple hours but after I woke up around 2:30 I couldn't go back to sleep and for the third night in a row I was up until almost 7am. I got myself so worked up worrying about school and things that are going on in my life that I called my mother crying at 5am. She didn't mind - just talked me down from whatever scary headspace I was in. I love my mother!
I seriously know why crushes are called crushes now. I don't understand how I can go from not having any to having like 4 at a time all of which confuse the fuck out of me. The other night at Motha Naitch's Devon gave me the hugest intimate hug ever and told me that he missed me and we needed to chill... he seemed interested. Devon has been the object of my affection since October - I want him so badly, he's such an incredible guy! But I don't want to get hurt again. Ok - other boy... Dave. Well I spent a couple hours talking on MSN to him again last night. There is absolutely no way to deny the bond we have. Seriously - theres no way you could ever miss the fact that both of us are interested. We have a "date" (you really can't "date" in residence... you just hang out and fuck) for tonight. Yey! Now my crushes on girls - Allison... I love her to bits. But I don't want to mess with the incredible friendship we have. And I mean its electric. And Motha Naitch - I just can't help it... I'm infatuated and crushing little girl style on her.
I miss Brad way way way way way more than I ever realized I was going to. It hurts. Physically. He's in Vegas now. I'm glad he got out of Thunder Bay and is doing something that he wants to - he deserves it. But I really miss him. I just want him to come back here and come get me and just hold me. We broke up so soon before he left that I don't know if I miss going out with him or just his friendship. We'll see - he's coming back by the end of the month. He says he's homesick. I'm bradsick.
I don't understand how people can go through their whole lives not caring about what's going on. Just going through the motions doing mundane tasks and seeing the same people and going through the same boring social movements every fucking day of their lives. I get so worked up thinking about everything I want to do in life and all the changes I want to make to the world and everything I want to experience and everyone that I love that it hurts so much I can't move. Its intoxicating and painful. Sometimes I get myself into this state of mind where I know I can't do absolutely everything I want to do in life and I want it all to happen so bad that I feel like a pain inside me is turning me inside out. Other times I get so excited and make so many plans that I think I'm going to explode. Seriously though... how can you not?
HOW CAN YOU GO THROUGH LIFE WITHOUT CARING?!
Peace
~katie the hippie
I seriously know why crushes are called crushes now. I don't understand how I can go from not having any to having like 4 at a time all of which confuse the fuck out of me. The other night at Motha Naitch's Devon gave me the hugest intimate hug ever and told me that he missed me and we needed to chill... he seemed interested. Devon has been the object of my affection since October - I want him so badly, he's such an incredible guy! But I don't want to get hurt again. Ok - other boy... Dave. Well I spent a couple hours talking on MSN to him again last night. There is absolutely no way to deny the bond we have. Seriously - theres no way you could ever miss the fact that both of us are interested. We have a "date" (you really can't "date" in residence... you just hang out and fuck) for tonight. Yey! Now my crushes on girls - Allison... I love her to bits. But I don't want to mess with the incredible friendship we have. And I mean its electric. And Motha Naitch - I just can't help it... I'm infatuated and crushing little girl style on her.
I miss Brad way way way way way more than I ever realized I was going to. It hurts. Physically. He's in Vegas now. I'm glad he got out of Thunder Bay and is doing something that he wants to - he deserves it. But I really miss him. I just want him to come back here and come get me and just hold me. We broke up so soon before he left that I don't know if I miss going out with him or just his friendship. We'll see - he's coming back by the end of the month. He says he's homesick. I'm bradsick.
I don't understand how people can go through their whole lives not caring about what's going on. Just going through the motions doing mundane tasks and seeing the same people and going through the same boring social movements every fucking day of their lives. I get so worked up thinking about everything I want to do in life and all the changes I want to make to the world and everything I want to experience and everyone that I love that it hurts so much I can't move. Its intoxicating and painful. Sometimes I get myself into this state of mind where I know I can't do absolutely everything I want to do in life and I want it all to happen so bad that I feel like a pain inside me is turning me inside out. Other times I get so excited and make so many plans that I think I'm going to explode. Seriously though... how can you not?
HOW CAN YOU GO THROUGH LIFE WITHOUT CARING?!
Peace
~katie the hippie