my reality
i have come to the realization that college is not only about learning and growing mentally, but its about finding your place in the world.
i was just reading leslie's journal over in blurtyland, and her words got me thinking about how i really feel in this city full of every imaginable person.
granted, i have been thinking a lot about who i am and how i connect with these some 10 million people i encounted each day... but it was good to know that a dearest friend of mine was going through a similar phase in her life as well.... trying to find out who you are, and where you belong.
i guess for so many years i attached myself to so-called teenage melodramas, hoping to have life turn out in the same way... thus, life does not unfold as it does on dawsons creek; there is no begining and no end to an episode, or a storyline. life continues and your thoughts and feelings continue even while you dream. and i supposed i knew of all of this reality nonesence and of this thing we call growing up, but i guess i figured it would be just as easy... or just as hard, but with the aid of skillful writers and dazzling directors; everything would be easily solved.. even if it did take a two-part, "very special" episode. i suppose i knew it was just television, but i speculate on a much greater level, i wished it would be never ending; hoping it would spill over into the reality of a young boy struggling to make his way in a huge city of mimes and noise.
i have reached that fork-in-the-road, with perpetual questions--
for one thing, i did not end up at that college where everyone you know is in the same class, and we see eachother everyday. i didnt luck out and learn that every lead character in my life was appected and attending the same university, just up the road from our homes and lives from previous seasons.
(i did however luck out and move to the city of my dreams.)
they say it in film, and they say it here in the city as well, "New York City is the only city where you can be lonely, while being surrounded by millions of people simultaniously."
i figured i would move here, meet an abundance of inspiring people, and have it made.
but the reality of this melodrama is that there are so many people from every place in the world, it is a melting pot of people, literally. (this should be a positive thing.)
to add salt to the wound, i attend a school that is so afraid to get close to their other classmates, they are missing out on some really quality people. i pictured this campus of people who had similar interests and we would just click.
i walked into a picture that resembled more of a classroom at harvard... as in everyone is competing with one another for the "it" internship. (at FIT we are competing for the "it" internship as well. however, here we also compete for the "it" outfit and accessory. who cares about the job if youre outfit is fabulous, right?!?) and im sorry, but i had the "it" outfits in highschool and felt like i was pretty popular... the real "shocker" is that EVERYONE was that same bitch in highschool.
uhh, i digress. :)
the real fork is that im at a place where i need to make decisions about the people i feel will be real friends, people who will always be there for you.. and believe it or not, its pretty damn difficult to do here. seriously.
the real task is just weeding through the not-so quality people, for the people who are genuine and inspiring and hilarious and intellectual and... well, similar to my friends back in florida. and i cant help but compare... i loved highschool and the absolutly responsability-free life, full of milkshakes, and drama, and driving around, and bookstore, and stomach aches from laughing so hard.
the reality of this entire situation is that those kinds of friends are few and far between. they are hard to find and those are the people that will be there forever.
it takes a little longer here to find them here, because there are more people to weed through, i guess.
the reality is that the average human being only finds a handful of those kinds of friends as an adult... those people that you stay connected to you endlessly.
the reality... the reality... this is my reality.
i was just reading leslie's journal over in blurtyland, and her words got me thinking about how i really feel in this city full of every imaginable person.
granted, i have been thinking a lot about who i am and how i connect with these some 10 million people i encounted each day... but it was good to know that a dearest friend of mine was going through a similar phase in her life as well.... trying to find out who you are, and where you belong.
i guess for so many years i attached myself to so-called teenage melodramas, hoping to have life turn out in the same way... thus, life does not unfold as it does on dawsons creek; there is no begining and no end to an episode, or a storyline. life continues and your thoughts and feelings continue even while you dream. and i supposed i knew of all of this reality nonesence and of this thing we call growing up, but i guess i figured it would be just as easy... or just as hard, but with the aid of skillful writers and dazzling directors; everything would be easily solved.. even if it did take a two-part, "very special" episode. i suppose i knew it was just television, but i speculate on a much greater level, i wished it would be never ending; hoping it would spill over into the reality of a young boy struggling to make his way in a huge city of mimes and noise.
i have reached that fork-in-the-road, with perpetual questions--
for one thing, i did not end up at that college where everyone you know is in the same class, and we see eachother everyday. i didnt luck out and learn that every lead character in my life was appected and attending the same university, just up the road from our homes and lives from previous seasons.
(i did however luck out and move to the city of my dreams.)
they say it in film, and they say it here in the city as well, "New York City is the only city where you can be lonely, while being surrounded by millions of people simultaniously."
i figured i would move here, meet an abundance of inspiring people, and have it made.
but the reality of this melodrama is that there are so many people from every place in the world, it is a melting pot of people, literally. (this should be a positive thing.)
to add salt to the wound, i attend a school that is so afraid to get close to their other classmates, they are missing out on some really quality people. i pictured this campus of people who had similar interests and we would just click.
i walked into a picture that resembled more of a classroom at harvard... as in everyone is competing with one another for the "it" internship. (at FIT we are competing for the "it" internship as well. however, here we also compete for the "it" outfit and accessory. who cares about the job if youre outfit is fabulous, right?!?) and im sorry, but i had the "it" outfits in highschool and felt like i was pretty popular... the real "shocker" is that EVERYONE was that same bitch in highschool.
uhh, i digress. :)
the real fork is that im at a place where i need to make decisions about the people i feel will be real friends, people who will always be there for you.. and believe it or not, its pretty damn difficult to do here. seriously.
the real task is just weeding through the not-so quality people, for the people who are genuine and inspiring and hilarious and intellectual and... well, similar to my friends back in florida. and i cant help but compare... i loved highschool and the absolutly responsability-free life, full of milkshakes, and drama, and driving around, and bookstore, and stomach aches from laughing so hard.
the reality of this entire situation is that those kinds of friends are few and far between. they are hard to find and those are the people that will be there forever.
it takes a little longer here to find them here, because there are more people to weed through, i guess.
the reality is that the average human being only finds a handful of those kinds of friends as an adult... those people that you stay connected to you endlessly.
the reality... the reality... this is my reality.