(no subject)
Well...the day I always thought would never come did...
I officially think that my three year relationship is in the pre-dumps phase. I really don't know, though, as I've never been dumped.
Tonight Andrew knew I was in a bad mood, and I wasn't feeling well, and I told him honestly that I was having problems controlling my temper. I've recently stopped taking a 'pain killer' med which is actually an anti-depressant. Some of these meds are used to treat chronic pain (in my case, migraines) when used in low dosages. When my med didn't work like wanted, my doctor upped the dosage instead of switching meds. So I've not only come down off a pain killer, I've now come down off a 'happy' pill. ((NOTE: The funny part is since stopping the pain med, which is supposed to rid me of my migraines...I haven't had a migraine in two weeks. However, I've been dizzy as all heck.))
I'm absolutely miserable tonight, and really just need him to be there for me. But, when I told him he should just go to bed without me (which I often do)...
He did.
For the first time since we started living together he went to bed without me. Heck, even when he wasn't living here he never left, and always went to bed at the same time as me. He never goes to bed without me. He atleast fights it. He just said "okay." And it wasn't even THAT late, and he didn't look tired.
He's also been talking to a lot of girls lately...he never attempts to get me to go out anywhere with him anymore. I went to check his email for him one day and there were two emails from girls who really seemed to know him. One is only 17, so claiming he must have met her at the bar before he met me isn't looking likely. Because that was his excuse when I jokingly asked him about it. I wasn't worried at all about it until he tried to defend himself and instead of saying, "I have no freakin clue" like he normally would.
My mom has tried to tell me that he would have left by now if he didn't want to be with me, but he doesn't really have any other place to go...I'm the lesser of two evils. I also know that he is an honerable man, and would NEVER just abandon me because I'm not working and have no place to go, and my health is bad. I can also see him staying put because he's afraid my mental health couldn't handle it. I mean, I can hardly handle daily life right now. If he weren't here right now, chances are I would have given up long ago. Infact, some days its even hard to get out of bed, even when I'm just doing it for him.
But, then again...maybe its all in my head. Just like my mom says.